Idol Chatter

Oh What A Night!

2007-05-24T11:26:00.000-07:00

It was indeed a night! As we started watching the coverage on the Red Carpet, one could actually feel the excitement start to build. As celebrity after celebrity began to arrive, chatting with our favorite Fox morning personalities (Hi Dorothy, Steve and Jill!), I knew it was going to be an incredible night! And I was not disappointed!

Performances by all of our previous American Idols (save one...we missed you Miss Fantasia!) coupled with the greatest of greats, Smokey Robinson, Gladys Knight, Be Be and Ce Ce Winans. WOW!! Getting to be witness to Blake mixing it up with Doug E Fresh was awesome! Watching and re-watching Jordin and Ruben Studdard literally took my breath away. I remembered why we fell in love with him during Season 3. The Velvet Teddy Bear!!

In the end, all the excitement really was about who the winner would be - Blake Lewis or Jordin Sparks.

We have watched these two amazing contestants grow over this past season! A season that has given us more nutty behavior than a jar full of planters. Some of that nutty behavior was on full display last night with Big Bird awarded something, Bush Baby awarded something else and Sanjaya Malakar (of all people) performing with one of the legends of rock 'n roll.

As I said, we've watched them grow and turn into stars in their own right. We voted! Heck, more than at any other time if Idol producers are to be believed. We voted 74 million times on Tuesday night. Just think what would happen if the producers of Idol were put in charge of the Presidential elections. We voted! And, at 7 minutes after 10p, West Coast time, the winner was announced.

Here is our new American Idol...

I'm proud of her! She's the youngest contestant yet to win! At 17, she's just a diva-in-training! She's gonna go far!

We here at Idol Chatter have enjoyed getting to spend this season with you our readers. Some of you have been with us since the beginning. Others are new this season! Thanks for making this your stopping off point for Idol updates! We trust that you have a great rest of the year! Until next season, here's a little of our new Idol, Jordin Sparks, singing I (Who Have Nothing). Enjoy!

Pulling a Paula

2007-05-23T09:30:00.000-07:00

Paula had quite the week didn't she? I first heard the rumor yesterday morning, but really didn't pay it much mind. There she was on the morning news yammering on about a tulip, a box and a nose. I ignored the mock seriousness of the interview knowing that with Paula it was all just more evidence of one too many sessions that typically include vodka, diet coke and more pills than you can shake a stick at. When it comes to Paula, we all seem to have the same reaction. You know the one don't you?! Appalled! Except that we can't stop watching...much like a train wreck happening in slow motion right before our eyes. God that woman is a mess!

Last night we welcomed some good friends over for a homecooked meal, cheap wine and loads of commentary. Of course, as much as we wanted to discuss Jordin and Blake, the first topic at hand was Paula's nose. Broken? Tripped over her overweight tiny little dog named Tulip? While holding a box of "stuff?" None of us were surprised. What was a surprise was the outfit she had chosen to wear. I happened to be in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on some garlic mashed potatoes when I heard "OMG, what is she wearing?" Then another voice yelled out, "Get in here quick!" "She looks like a bad drag queen!" Between the outfit and the make-up to cover up the bruising around her "broken nose" she did indeed look like she spent a little too much time with one of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.

Not that she was the only judge who used questionable advice on their wardrobe. Randy Jackson, not a strong fashion plate on his best of days, had decided to rummage through Michael Jackson's reject closet. All he lacked was a sequined glove. What a mess!! Simon looked positively subdued compared to the other two. Which brings me to the real reason behind the title of this post...Pulling a Paula. As Ryan polled the judges to get their thoughts on who performed better and who was in line to see their dream of becoming America's Next Top Model - opps, I mean America's next Idol, I heard (trust me...it wasn't the cheap wine, I didn't drink that much of it) Simon pull a Paula! He couldn't decide so, he gave Blake the best performance of the night and Jordin the best vocals of the night. I decided then and there that Simon has spent too long in that chair next to Paula...it's rubbing off!!!

I could continue to bloviate about the judge's usage of mind altering substances and questionable fashion decisions, but really, the night was about two people...Blake Lewis and Jordin Sparks. As I mentioned, the crib was full last night with good friends dissecting every minute detail of the performances. The little one of the group, all of 8 is he, was yelling and clapping for Blake. Lord knows, I wanted to join him. But the general consensus of the night was that Jordin just out-performed him. This morning though I started to wonder if perhaps the cheap wine that flowed so freely, might have influenced our judgement. Until I remembered that the cheap wine that flowed, really didn't flow that freely at all. More like a dribble and so, perhaps she really did out-perform him. As I sit here, faithfully doing my part to perpetuate this bloated monster that is Idol, I am beginning to think that perhaps Paula has rubbed off on me as well.

But enough about poor, unfortunate Paula! Let's talk about how the kids did! The each performed three numbers - The first song being their favorite performance from the season - The second song a new one - The third song which they both performed was the songwriting winner. I will say that the winner's first single (or song number 3), wasn't as bad as some of the past songs...but still...it again showed that for all the hype this show has managed to generate, they still can't pull off a song that is actually decent for the finale!

Round 1

Blake (Winner - by a hair)
You Give Love A Bad Name

Blake decided to be the gentleman (see, chivalry is not dead) and allowed Jordin to decide whether she wanted to perform first or last. She made the obvious choice perhaps clinching Blake's fate. Not that Blake was awful...in fact, most of the pundits I've read seem to be in agreement that Blake had the edge. Just a little dumb! There's a time to be chilvalrous and a time to remember that you are in a competition! Once again Blake shone on this performance.

Jordin
Fighter

Jordin was remarkable on this performance, but I still had the same complaint on this performance that I've had in recent weeks. There is an "umph" missing during her performances that shows up in Blakes. The oh-so-pregnant DJ Nik pointed out that Jordin is in fact 17 years old. And that sounded like a reasonable explaination for her rather lackluster performances until I remembered one other 17 year old on the show. Sure, Sanjaya couldn't find a note inside a paper bag, but he sure new how to tear up the stage. And yes, as it was mentioned over and over last night, Idol is a singing competition, at the same time, you need to own the stage and well, amazing vocals and all, she just didn't!

Round 2

Blake

She Will Be Loved

My one real complaint about Blake is that sometimes he choses songs that are boring. Not always! But during crunch time, when you need a big, over-the-top performance, he has chosen rather tepid songs. This is one of them. Last week, you'll recall, Blake did a Maroon 5 number and blew us all away. Too bad he didn't save that number for this week!

Jordin (Winner but not by much)
A Broken Wing

Another impressive vocal that lacked a certain pizzaz! I don't know that it was better than Martina McBride, as Randy suggested, but it was good! Heck, the one country music fan in our little group last evening, was quite impressed with Jordin, and joined the resident hoodlum in the house calling it Jordin's night and, a little hastily I thought, giving her the win. Still, I did giver her this round...but only just barely.

Round 3

Blake
This Is My Now

There are no words to write about just how poorly this particular song suited Blake. Or how poorly he performed it. Simon said that he looked frustrated during parts of the performance. Perhaps the problem was that, as one prominent pundit wrote, this "typical Idol-winner ballad" had "more saccharine than a case of diet soda, was as far from Blake's comfort zone as possible." But that shouldn't be an excuse! Blake, as talented as he is with mixing things up, should have been able to do something with this clunker of a song. He didn't! And it may just cost him the entire competition!

Jordin (Moppin' the floor winner!!)
This Is My Now

Simon was right, Jordin mopped the floor with Blake on this performance! And interesting, it evoked a rarely seen apology from Simon! I sat in near total shock as he told her that the week before he didn't think she deserved to be in the finale, but that with this performance she had changed his mind! As this was the last song of the night, then I almost have to give the whole enchillada to Jordin! Turns out she realized that this is in fact her now and she took advantage of it to the full extent!

So how did it shake out for you? Were you like the majority at my pad that gave the night to Jordin, or did you prefer (This Is My Now performance not withstanding) Blake? I'm torn! I love Blake!! Absolutely! And, if his two main bastions of support held up during the voting, then I'm giving the win to him! Yup...you heard me!! Teeny-bopper girls and gay bois love them some Blake! Teeny-bopper boys love them some Jordin! Guess who votes?! Teeny-bopper girls and gay bois! That may be just enough to give ole Blake the win! Plus, I kind of think he has the whole package...he can sing, he can perform and he's got style. Ok, it should be noted that my fashion consultant and I do not see eye to eye on his fashion sensibilities. In fact, she was downright revolted at his outfits last night. Guess there won't be any sparkly argyle sweaters in my wardrobe after the next round of shopping! Oh well!

See you on the red carpet!

j.

Too Close To Call!

2007-05-16T09:14:00.000-07:00

Finally Idol got good!!! And for once, we finished the semi-finals without a clear winner...at least in my opinion. Like true competitors, Jordin, Blake and Melinda stepped up their game. Maybe their trips home gave them perspective they haven't had...maybe they finally felt like stars. Whatever the reason, last nights show was the best of the season! We have had some rather lopsided semi-finals in the past. Ones where you knew very easily who would be going home...at least based off of their performances. But last night...last night was different.

Last night we were treated to three song choices by the three remaining contestants. It was truly a night of...threes (yes, I know that was lame...much like Ryan's incessant banter throughout the show). I do honestly believe, though denials were given, that Ryan and the judges had a few cocktails prior to the show. How else to you explain that idiotic banter between Ryan and Randy or the giggling like little school girls going on between Paula and Simon. I mean...seriously...how are we suppose to take the show seriously if you guys are too busy hootin-and-a-hollerin to show the proper respect. Hmmm...or, perhaps I'm taking it all too seriously myself.

So, who will end up in the Grand Finale at the Kodak? Well, I did a bit of sleuthing ala Nancy Drew and guess what I found out? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! Those who analyze the show for a living (or kicks...not sure which it is) refuse to declare a winner (err...loser). A quick check over at DialIdol.com, (great resource by the way in determining who may/may not be in jeopardy) was discouraging for those who truly want to know (like me). I mean seriously, who'd have thunk that Melinda didn't do as well on the West Coast as on the East Coast or that Blake lost his home state of Washington to Melinda. Or that only 6/10 of a percent separated Blake and Jordin. DialIdol did remind me of something though...they reminded me that during the semi's last year, the finalists (Taylor, Katherine, Elliot) each received 33% of the vote. If last night proves the same, then we could be looking at a night when Melinda goes home just as easily as say Jordin. Gosh...can you feel the tension? Neither can I...but heck, I'm not gonna let that stop me from gushing about it like I can.

So...who sang what and how did they do? Well, you already know I think they all did great! But who did I really like? Check it out...(thanks Randy Johnson!)

Jordin Sparks
Judge's Choice - Wishing on a Star
Producers' Choice - She Works Hard for the Money
Personal Choice - I Who Have Nothing

Jordin opened the show with the Rose Royce song chosen by Simon. Ok, here's the deal...her vocals were amazing! But she lost me when she said she'd never heard the song before. Heck, the 8 year old in my house, who knows every rapper and their crews, knows this song (old school he calls it). She lost points on this one from me!

Next came Donna Summer's classic and Jordin worked it out!! I know this will sound nitpicky, but, given the energy of this song, I would have liked a little more stage presence from her. This is disco baby and given her age, I guess a little strut n' dance would have really spiced it up for me. Great vocals though! Still, round two I'll have to give to someone else.

Like Melinda, Jordin chose to do a retread...a rehashing of one of her better performances during this past season. I ain't mad at her because it was goose-pimple amazing, just like the first time she performed it. But, once again, I'd like to see her be 17. As much as I'd like to give her round three, I can't. Which means that Jordin, in my book, did not take any of the rounds. Is that a bad thing?

Blake Lewis
Judge's Choice - Roxanne
Producers' Choice - This Love
Personal Choice - When I Get You Alone

It is no wonder that Paula was tapped to pick the Judge's Choice for Blake. Every week we see her getting wet the minute Blake takes the stage. And I ain't mad at her! With the exception of one week where he was really off, Blake has provided a breath of cutting edge freshness that has set him apart from the other contestants. I was really glad to see him perform this number "straight" with no beatboxing in sight. As I've mentioned before, he's got a great sense of style (love all three of his outfits) and knows how to work a stage and the crowd. However, although I thought he was amazing, I couldn't give this round to Blake...sorry man!

Woo Woo!! "This love has taken it's toll on me!" First, I absolutely love this song! Always have! For a while, it was even a ring tone on my phone. Secondly, Blake blew this one out of the park! The Idol Producers knew what they were doing by chosing this song for Blake! Struttin' and dancin' across the stage only served to accent his amazing voice on this amazing song. The little beatboxing rift at the end was a perfect compliment to the song. And of course, watching the mic fall off the boom right at the very end was just funny! I give this round to Blake!

Unlike our two female contestants, Blake chose not to do a number he had previously performed during the season! Which means that he, unlike Jordin and Melinda, had to learn three numbers this week. And this one was stellar! Robin Thicke should be proud as heck that Black chose this song. If it was up to me, I would give this round to Blake as well, if for no other reason that he was truly the only original performer for this round. And just to round out my thoughts on Blake...when he does come out with his CD, I WILL absolutely be adding it to my collection. Before even Melinda and Jordin!

Melinda Doolittle
Judge's Choice - I Believe in You and Me
Producers' Choice - Nutbush City Limits
Personal Choice - I'm a Woman!

Randy was absolutely correct to chose this Whitney Houston song for Melinda! While Melinda doesn't have the vocal prowess to hit some of those Whitney high notes, she gave a performance that would have, and should have, made Miss Whitney quake a little in her bankrupt boots! I'll tell ya flat out, I was a full fledged believer when she got done! Hands down, this performance put Melinda over the top for this round!

Several years ago, Tina Turner went on her very last arena tour. I was lucky enough to get tickets to see her in Oakland. Excellent seats by the way! There is absolutely NO one like Tina Turner! No one! She's in a class all by herself! Melinda too is an amazing singer and with good stage presence. But, having seen Tina perform this number live, it was hard for me to give Melinda her proper due. Not that she wasn't spot-on...she was...but she wasn't Tina and it was hard not to make the comparison.

Melinda has performed this number before! But last night she brought out a little symbolism that was superb! She let it be known, without a doubt, that she's a star! No longer part of the supporting cast, she's the queen bee! And dang!!! She's all woman! And by the way, those hair extensions were luscious!!! Round three, for symbolism played to the hilt, goes to Melinda!

As you can see, I've got Melinda taking two rounds and Blake taking one. Seems to me that Melinda is pretty safely in the finals and that the real fight is between Jordin and Blake. Of course, we all know that...sights designed to track these things tell us that. Who's going home? I'm still hoping to see Melinda and Blake in the finals...but I won't be mad at any other combination.

Peace out!

j.

How do you mend a boring night?

2007-05-09T09:31:00.000-07:00

Last week we saw six contestants turn a night that in seasons past has been a rather "off" night for a majority of them, into a stellar night for all of them. What a difference a week makes! This week Barry Gibb of the Bee Gees was the guest celebrity. That was enough to have me running to find my bell bottoms and platform shoes! Seriously, the Bee Gees were a staple in my house growing up. Even today, visiting my mom will mean getting into her car and finding their greatest hits in the CD player. And I ain't mad at her! They're in my iPod too!

However, as excited as I was, there was quite a lot to distract me - not the least of which was a major wild fire causing evacuations just up the street from me. With horribly hot temperatures, no air conditioning in my house, a wildfire in the hills just above my home, smoke blowing through my opened windows (too hot not to have them opened), it was enough to cause even the most "relaxed" of persons to be a little bit on edge. I am not the most relaxed of persons!

However, the tantalizing prospect of catching some disco fever trumped all other concerns. So, with a nice chilled glass of Chardonnay in hand, hospital mask firmly planted over my nose, I settled in to be entertained! Except that I wasn't! Not even remotely! What a waste of a good hospital mask! I would have been much more entertained joining my neighbors standing on the corner watching the huge flames scorch the hills behind our homes. Hell, I would have been more entertained watching mold grow on the tile in my shower. Not one of the contestants showed why they deserve to be in the final four! Not one of them! And that includes the ever flawless Melinda.

Disco was before my time and when it was over, it was over. But like most of us, from just about every generation, we still enjoy the fun of that era. When we hear the Bee Gees, Donna Summer and some of the other disco greats, we are reminded of how much fun disco really was. Last night, I was reminded not of the fun of disco, but of the dark side of disco. The side that we'd just as soon not see! I rather think that last night was much like the waning days of disco...boring! We were looking for something great, but got there too late. Sure there were some good moments, but nothing inspiring...nothing that really got our feet tapping, our hips shaking, our hands in the air. And so...we sat on our hands and watched...

Melinda Doolittle
Love You Inside and Out
How Can You Mend a Broken Heart

Two great songs performed by the vocally flawless Ms. Doolittle. And yet, I have to echo the comments of all of the judges...we were bored. We know you are good...now show us you are great! No, I don't think we are asking her to come out and bite the head off of live chickens as one pundit proposed. But we'd like something just a little more. Wish I knew what that was!

Blake Lewis
You Should Be Dancing
This is Where I Came In

For once, I was underwhelmed. Instead of dancing, I found myself cringing. I wished I hadn't come in at all for either of these performances. How did that happen? Blake is my boy! The one positive comment I can make about those performances had nothing to do with his vocal prowess and everything to do with his selections stylistically! Yeah...the boy's got some style! And he's got some moves. Doesn't he remind you a bit of the Depeche Mode? There's a little gay boi inside of him...maybe not a lot...but a little and I'm happy to say he lets that boi out to play quite often. Now, if we can just get him to let out the performer we know Blake to be, the world will right again!

LaKisha Jones
Staying Alive
Run to Me

The big lug sitting on the sofa next me to actually looked over and said (during Kiki's first performance) that she was "killing" it...in the good way! Unlike the judges, and some of the better named pundits I've read today, we liked this performance of Staying Alive. Up to that point of the show, we actually thought that Kiki's was the best performance of the night. And she kicked it up a notch with her next performance. Was it the best we've seen from her? No...then again, I think it was as good as, if not better than the rest of the performances we saw last night. I will admit to be a little bit scared for her though!

Jordin Sparks
To Love Somebody
Woman in Love

Y-A-W-N! Dude, you're 17...show that you've got some kid in ya! Have some fun man! It was disco night!!! Jordin's second performance had me yawning and was, to use a word made overly popular by Idol, pitchy! Her first performance I don't even remember...that's how boring it was. Jordin's gonna be an amazing super-star! Of that I have no doubt! But it won't be doing disco or remakes of disco. She'll go the way of Gloria Gaynor if she sticks with this genre! Not that I expect her to...nope...Jordin's too smart. Last night though, she showed that she's till a kid and we all know that kid's don't always make good decisions.

The pundit's money seems to be on Kiki to exit stage right tonight. I hope that isn't the case. But if she doesn't go, then who? I like them all! I certainly don't want to see Blake go! I don't want to see Melinda to go! I'd prefer not to see Jordin go! This is not an enviable position to be in. So my question, to those of you who read Idol Chatter, is this...who's your choice to go home tonight. The peanut gallery (also known as the comment section) is now open (and unlike Idol, it won't close after two hours).

For once - rock didn't suck!

2007-05-02T15:00:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'll admit it...I groaned out loud when I heard that the theme for the evening was the music of Bon Jovi. It's not that I have anything particular against the band, don't like their music or any other valid reason...it's just...well...Bon Jovi style rock just doesn't seem suited to the bubble-gum pop that Idol thrives on. Plus, who among the six remaining are rockers? Here's a hint - NONE!

To top it off, all the excitement and hoopla of last week, meant that for the results episode, we faced delayed gratification. Ryan seemed to indicate last week that ALL the votes (over 70 million of them) would be added to the votes from this week's show and the two lowest vote getters would be sent home. WooHoo! What that really means is that all those dang votes last night don't really matter. Right? The decision is probably a foregone conclusion. At least that seems to be the prevailing wisdom.

I'll be honest, I nearly didn't watch. I mean with everything factored in a big "WHATEVER" seemed to float suspended in space over my TV. There's a lot of important things that go on in my house and if Idol isn't going to step up, then it's a time waster and frankly...there's no wastin' time at my house (at least most of the time...hmmm...).

So, you watched the show too right? Bet you are as shocked as me! Right?! Heck, even sleeping beauty, who always stretches out on the couch snoring away (no matter how loudly Idol is blazing in the background) was awake and alert and...voted!!! Seriously, who would ever expect a night of Bon Jovi's greatest hits to be a hit. Ok...maybe they would expect it at my sister's house. She's more than a fan...she's a fanatic. He's on her iPod! He's what they work out to! He's...Bon Jovi!! But for the rest of us mortals...it should have been a yawner! So how did, what should have been the yawner of the year turn into one of the best nights this season? Think about rock night on the last 5 seasons. Even the season that Chris Daughtry was on wasn't all that great because a majority of the contestants sucked. Not last night! Heck...even old weirdo himself did better than average. Crazy huh?!

Ok...well...I can see I'm beginning to lose you with my bloviating...heck, I'm losing myself...so, let's talk about our new rock stars.

Phil Stacey
Blaze of Glory

Didn't suck! Still going home!

Jordin Sparks
Living on a Prayer

Sucked! Not going home!

LaKisha Jones
This Ain't a Love Song

My girl is back! I was in line behind Simon for that kiss! Bet those lips are pretty dang tasty! Problem is, given her performance last week (and the week before), she's in a bit of a dangerous position. I'm a little bit scared for Kiki!

Blake Lewis
You Give Love a Bad Name

I remember skipping school and going with my best friend to an amusement park. We listened to Bon Jovi the whole way there and the whole way back. I know the words to this song backwards and forwards. Blake threw me for a loop and I freakin' loved it!!! He messed with a classic and made it freakin fresh and poppin! In fact, Blake's rendition got the only playback of the night! Mad skillz!!!

Chris Richardson
Wanted Dead or Alive

If I'm being honest, I never did like this song. Oh, don't act so shocked! Bet there's a couple of his numbers you don't like either. But whatever, Chris did a great job of recreating it in his own image. Like LaKisha though, I'm a bit nervous for my boi. We'll see.

Melinda Doolittle
Have a Nice Day

What the heck was that? Wow! She was a rock vixen last night. Damn! She got down and dirty and made me believe. Have a nice day indeed! I've still got chills!! Even though I loved Blake's performance and thought he was the most original of all the performances, this was my favorite. As the formerly-sleeping beauty said "she knocked it outtha park!" You bet she did baby!

Tonight we'll kiss off two more people. I will probably be depressed as all get-out by the results. This is Idol after all...expect anything!

"Do-Gooderism" on full display!

2007-04-25T09:38:00.000-07:00

Finally, American Idol has decided to "give back" a little bit of the fortune they have received (and let's get real, this show has been a cash cow) to those a little less fortunate. In true Idol form of course, it all seems a little bit staged, more designed to bring in ratings than to really help those in need. Then again, perhaps I'm just a bit jaded from watching this show for the past however many seasons it's been on the air. However, as much as I would like to act like it's some kind of gimmick, the truth is, I do really applaud Idol for raising awareness of poverty issues in Africa and in the wealthiest of countries...America.

This really is a topic that is near and dear to my heart, and so to see one of my favorite shows actually doing something with the incredible wealth they've received besides driving around in the latest, most expensive car around (which is all well and good), then it does my heart good. Plus, it was kind of nice to see the "mean" judge reduced to near tears. Come on...ya had to love that one.

Last night was the first of a two-parter that really has me wondering if we even should see anyone go home this week. I almost feel like this week all the contestants should be given a pass. And yes, simply because they participated in a bit of do-gooderism. The theme for the night appeared to be inspirational and I've got to tell you, it was really nice not to have interferance from "guest" celebs who understand that they can/will boost their own sales by appearing on the show. Ugh! So over that!

Part of the reason I kind of feel like we should give them all a pass is because the judges didn't seem much in the mood to judge. Even Simon, out of his traditional black/gray tight tee's, sporting white with enough chest hair to make my Neanderthal cousin look "smooth", was overly nice to everyone. I did love the fact that Ryan, when introducing the judges at the opening of the show, completely skipped over Paula. We get a close-up of Randy as Ryan calls out his name; close-up of Paula...no name; close-up of Simon with name. HA! Perhaps that explains why Paula was flustered for the rest of the night and couldn't actually ever come to a point. Although, that wouldn't explain her behavior at all the other shows...so...hmmmm...

Anyway...there was in fact some "sangin" that went on and perhaps we should talk about it...

Chris Richardson
Change the World

One of my favorite Eric Clapton songs and Chris did it proud! I will say, as much as the judges liked, er loved, Chris' performance, it was a little bit...hmmmm...understated. I would have liked for him to give it a little more umph, but it ended up being a fine performance. In fact, I voted for Chris. Now, usually I don't give out such personal information...but since we were in do-gooder mode last night and I was a little bit worried for Chris, I voted...30 times...what, I think that will come out to about a $3 donation, which according to the little film sponsored by ConAgra, should feed the heck out of a bunch of hungry kids! And I feel better...kind of like I made a change in my world.

Melinda Doolittle
There Will Come a Day

It seems pointless to week after week come out and talk about what an amazing job Melinda did. I've nearly decided to start copying previous comments. I mean, hell, she's great, amazing, stupendous, beautiful...blew this Faith Hill song out tha water!!! And did it better than Faith Hill!! Woo Woo!!

Blake Lewis
Imagine

Blake performed one of my all time favorite songs and did it perfectly! Paula was right...this song cries out for simplicity. No need to add a bunch of gimmicks, just an emotional plea to "imagine" what the world would look like...if Blake was the next American Idol!

LaKisha Jones
I Believe

Well, here's the problem...Fantasia blew this song out. Remember her breakin' her heal performin' it at the Kodak? I do!!! I still get goosebumps thinkin' about it. Gawd I love me some Fantasia!! And I love Kiki too. And Kiki did all right with this song. BUT, like Randy, this just wasn't her best performance. Hmmmm...help me out Kiki!

Phil Stacey
The Change

I'm not particularly sure that this creepy lookin' guy did himself any favors by singing a Garth Brooks' song that's several years out of date. Garth, we all know, was an amazing performer. Phil...not so much! Not that this was a bad week. In fact, I found myself enjoying the performance...in spite of myself. And good news, it looks as though the real change is on top of his head! Did you notice...it appeared like his head was sportin' a 5 o'clock shadow!

Jordin Sparks
You'll Never Walk Alone

Ummm...yeah! What a way to close the show! I don't know about the best vocal performance "ever", as Randy so generously threw out there...but DANG!!!! First, lets start with the fact that she looked like a million bucks!!! WOWZER!! And then, the control in singing that ancient song and doing it in such a way that it sounded fresh and poppin. Man, Jordin turned Idol into a competition last night!!! ya heerd!

Tonight we'll have two hours of feel-good, do-good, entertainment. We'll get to see a lot of big name celebs...including, I've been told Bono. While we are enjoying all the great music...try to remember that there really are people not that far from where you are at that are lacking some of the basic necessities that we take for granted. Get involved and give back! It won't cost you much!

Competing Interests

2007-04-18T09:26:00.000-07:00

I really don't quite know what to write about after watching last night's show. Frankly, there were too many things vying for my attention. As we've watched the tragedy unfold at Virginia Tech, my heart hurt. I also found myself somewhat angry after watching our dear leader show up on campus a scant few hours after this awful tragedy to lend his support and prayers. Anger you ask? Yes! Anger because he was so quick to respond to this tragedy that took the lives of 32 people. And yet when another tragedy in our recent history unfolded, he continued to enjoy a vacation as the lives of over 1,000 people were lost during that awful disaster in New Orleans. Perhaps I should cut him some slack, since I'm sure he learned a valuable lesson from his failures during Katrina. At least I hoped he did. But still...there was a little bit of anger.

But what does this all have to do with country night on American Idol. Nothing really! And yet everything! All of us have watched this awful tragedy unfold and it has, I believe, struck a cord with each of us. I think though that it was felt especially by the contestants. Most of the people who lost their lives in this tragedy were their age. College age kids! Some, like my boy Chris, are from the Commonwealth of Virginia. You could tell he was tore up at the end. Simon acknowledged that this was a difficult week for the guys. But more than just the contestants, this signal event weighed, I think, on the minds of all of us.

I guess I said all of that to say that my thoughts and prayers are with the families of all who died in this senseless tragedy. And perhaps it helps explain why I had a hard time sitting through the performances last night. Sure, I'm not the biggest fan of country music. Sure, I was trying to clean up the kitchen following some one's HUGE dinner cooking mess. Sure, I was also trying to chase down an 8 year old who found the candy stash and was hopped up on pure sugar. Yeah, I guess you could say there were a lot of competing interests going on last night and as such, nothing, I mean nothing, got the real attention it deserved.

Having said that, I did jot down a few thoughts regarding the performances (like you really thought I wouldn't...HA!). Are ya ready?

Phil Stacey
Where the Blacktop Ends

Ummmm...I would just as soon write "where the blacktop ends for creepy bald guy!" Ok, I will say that country music is probably his genre cuz he was pretty respectable...even causing a bit of a debate in my house. But, I still had to deal with the fact that to listen, really listen, I had to look at him. And when I did, I got creeped out all over again! He should go home for that reason alone!

Jordin Sparks
Broken Wing

HOT! HOT!! HOT!!! Dang the girl can sing! And she looked freakin' amazing (shocker...'er not). The 8 year old in my house decided that she should be the winner for always! He had all the cell phones ready to text in his vote as soon as the show was over. Thank Buddha (and all the other gods) that he had already found his way to his bed by the time it came to vote! Ain't nothin' broken 'bout this chick!

Sanjaya Malakar
Something to Talk About

My good friend, foxy coxy, decided that I must be taking whatever it is that Paula dips into after my comments last week about this guy. Look, he was decent last week...certainly we sent home a more deserving person. This week however was a true, true disaster...from start to finish...and including that rag on his head. Not the look for him! If he makes it through this week (the bigger shocker would be him not), I think I may cry! Frankly, enough air time has been devoted to him. Enough already!!!

LaKisha Jones
Jesus Take the Wheel

Ok, first let me say this song has a really nice message directed to all who believe in Christianity (being my background, that would have to include me). Having said that, I've never really liked the song. Former Idol winner (and recent CMT Music Award winner) Carrie Underwood did an admirable job on this song. But in the end, it's just not that great of a song...stylistically...so no matter who does it...we the audience will be bored! Last night was NO exception!

Chris Richardson
Mayberry

After listening to Chris perform Rascal Flat's song "Mayberry", I found myself missing Barney Fife as well. He could have provided a little bit o' "personality" to this performance. Y'all know I like Chris! And I understand that this had to have been an extremely difficult week for him given all that was going on in his home state. He gave me goose bumps for sure, but I sure wasn't feelin' the performance. I did vote for him last night though...just to make sure!

Melinda Doolittle
Trouble is a Woman

Ain't that the truth! Trouble is a woman named Melinda Doolittle! I wonder how many toes are ever so slightly left in her path as she heads out onto stage. I mean, if I was tryin' to win a competition like this, and was up against her, my little devious brain would be workin' overtime to get her bumped...ya heard?! By the way, foxy coxy and I decided that Ms. Doolittle had done more than a little to her locks since last week's performance. We give the extensions a thumbs up! She looked freakin' HOT last night!

Blake Lewis
When the Stars Go Blue

Even when he sucks he's good! Really, what else can you say about this guy! My dream finale would be Blake and Melinda. Two completely contrasting sounds! Two amazing singers! I honestly did NOT like his performance last night. But get real...even on his worst day he's better that 99% of the rest of us!

And that's it for me! Wishing all of you peace during these rather disturbing times!

j.

Missing that Latin Heat!

2007-04-11T09:02:00.000-07:00

I'm having a bit of trouble figuring out what to write about this week. I should be writing about J-Lo and how amazing she is and how she lit a fire in the collective belly of the contestants. I should be...but, I'm not. In fact, it appears that the bigger the name brought in to "coach" the contestants, the duller the performances. Not that they were bad, per se, they were just bland. Latin music, in my opinion, should inspire heat, and there just wasn't much of it. Of course, the fact that dinner was running late; homework didn't want to be completed coupled with a general apathy in my house, might have had something to do with my general feeling of "who cares." Who knows, right?!

So, now I'm stuck! What to write about. There was a big shocker last night - tis' true! Sanjaya didn't suck and wasn't the worst. Maybe that will end up being the kiss of death for him, but I doubt it. In fact, as much as I hate to admit it, I've grown rather fond of this guy. He knows he is nowhere near the best singer, so he plays to his strengths - his youth and his hair. And dang, the boy knows how to work the camera. Bravo! Sure, it's a singing competition, not an audition for TRESemmé, but give the boy credit...he's not the one who put himself through to the final 12 guys. We have Randy, Paula and Simon to thank for that.

It is much less of a shocker who I think did suck last night. Yup! You got it! Our Cruise Ship princess and the weird space guy both sucked to high heaven. I loved it when Simon told the Cruise Ship princess that since she couldn't sing, she'd figured out a way to keep the votes coming...namely by wearing as little clothes as possible. That had to hurt! As for the creepy guy...I just don't know what to say. Apparently J-Lo had just taken a long toke off the crack-pipe right before he sang for her...what else can you blame those little "goose-pimples" on?! Get real! I'd easily bet those two will be in the bottom three tonight! Least I hope so!

Ok, before I take up all your time with my blathering about inconsequential stuff (then again...isn't that the whole point of Idol Chatter?)...perhaps it's time to actually "judge" the performances.

Melinda Doolittle
Sway

So, Simon thought it was a little bit of a Lounge/Caberet performance. Like Melinda, I'm glad that he finally got to say something, anything (no matter how big a stretch) negative. Listen...she was good...heck, great...as always. I'd be surprised if we don't see Miss Melinda in the big finalé. She's just that good! Although, every time I watch her receive the standard praise from the judges I always think of that movie line - "you like me; you really, really like me!"

LeKisha Jones
Conga

Well, I like Kiki! But Latin ain't her thing and Gloria Estefan's Conga ain't her song! She did awight (to use a Randy colloquialism), but let me be brutally honest...I never really liked this song when Gloria performed it, much less when anyone else does it. And it ain't really Kiki's style. Not that she was bad...but Lounge/Caberet was a pretty accurate description. Sorry...that's just how I felt.

Chris Richardson
Smooth

First - I like Chris a lot! Second - I like this song a lot! The two combined should have made me as wet as Paula after one of the guys performs (really, it's getting a little disgusting the way Paula gets so wet after one of the guys performs...perhaps she needs someone besides the blow-up Ken doll stashed in her dressing room...I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'). It was good...but not great! Still...Chris stays I think...as he should!

Haley Scarnato
Turn the Beat Around

To repeat Simon - her voice has taken her as far as she can go in the competition. She's not stupid though which is why she's taken to wearing the least amount of clothes as possible. Ya heard?! It doesn't hurt that she's got military connections. All those guys, being sent off to participate in Bushie's follies need some kind of pinnup (not that I was around during WWII - but pinnups were the rage then) and Cruise Ship princess apparently is working overtime to make certain she's the main one. Over her and those legs! She wasn't turnin' anything around but my stomach...blech!

Phil Stacey
Maria, Maria

Way to kill one of my favorite songs! Hated it! Here is another one whose voice has outlived it usefulness. Problem is, he hasn't figured out that showing skin might help (ala the Cruise Ship princess) or that ever changing hairstyles can make you interesting (ala Sanjaya). He's bald and creepy and frankly, needs to be gone!

Jordin Sparks
The Rhythm is Gonna Get You

Another song by Gloria Estefan (why wasn't she the celeb guest this week huh?!) that I'm not a big fan of. I absolutely adore Jordin and don't think she's at any risk of being sent home. I wasn't all that thrilled about the performance though. Sorry...just bein' honest!

Blake Lewis
I Need to Know

Ok...I remember when Mr. J-Lo came out with this song (remember being in Christopher's Mercedes foxy coxy driving over the Bay Bridge on the way into the City for work...good times). Loved it then! Loved it now! Loved Blake performing it! Dang...I'm as bad as Paula! Thanks by the way to the fan who sent me the great photoshop'd photo of Blake and Chris this past week...yee haw!!

Sanjaya Malakar
Bésame Mucho

I don't know this song! Never heard it before and really don't care to ever hear it again. But, surprisingly enough, Sanjaya actually sounded all right. Certainly not the worst performance of the night! And that my friends is enough to win him an award for the night. It might also be the kiss of death...but I doubt it!

And with that, I'm outta here. Idol is cool and all, but it ain't all I got goin' on. Peace out!

j.

Welcome to Sanjaya Universe!

2007-04-04T09:09:00.000-07:00

Yup folks, you heard me right!! It's Sanjaya's universe and we are mere observers. In case you missed it, he said so himself! As I gathered my jaw off the floor, I found that I couldn't agree more. What a guy! Heck, even Tony Bennett gave praise and that means a ton in my book. I love the fact that "he's got a great sense of humor." Thank you Tony for those kind words that we can all agree with!

This week is Spring Break for the 8 year old in my house and with no homework to occupy a large chunk of the evening, I was left with trying to figure out ways to keep someone from bouncing off the walls and sending the dog into fits of terror thereby causing her to hide under whoever's legs are the closest...usually mine...usually while I'm trying to balance a whole stack of glassware while cleaning up after dinner. It's a ton of fun!

After a rousing game of Sorry followed by a booming game of Battleship (both of which I lost...go figure), I finally plopped myself down in front of the TV, determined to catch my favs and not-so-favs doing what they do best (or worst). And, with that great musical legend Tony Bennett offering words of encouragment, it was a fine night indeed. And can I just say that Mr. Bennett looked amazing for being 81. I half determined last night that I need to introduce him to my 80 year old grandmother. As spry as they both are, they'd make a great couple...and wouldn't it be cool to add another celebrity to the list of those that I'm related to (no matter how distant the relation ~ Hi Elvis! ~ He lives...but that's all I'm allowed to say).

Well, now that I've blathered on and on about inconsequential stuff, it's time to get back to Sanjaya's Universe!

Blake Lewis
Mack the Knife

Unfortunately, I didn't get to really watch the whole of this performance. What I did see cemented in my mind that Blake is a really good performer. Unfortunately, this particular number seems to leave everyone who performs it looking like, as writer Craig Berman said, "a lounge singer at a Holiday Inn in Reno." I can understand not wanting to mess with a Tony Bennett classic, but this performance needed a little bit of Blake's stylizing. Still, like I said, he's a great performer!

Phil Stacey
Night and Day

No amount of closing my eyes helped this performance out. Didn't like it...not even a little! And, seeing as he was close to the front of the pack, with criticism from two of the judges, I wouldn't wonder if perhaps, we might have finally seen the last of creepy, spaced-alien guy. I was right last week...maybe I'm on a roll?!

Melinda Doolittle
I Got Rhythm

Does she ever suck? No! Will the "who, little ole me?" schtick get old? Perhaps! She's definitely got rhythm and soul and a voice and a stage persona and...well, I could go on, but you already know this...maan (to quote my favorite character in a movie...Smokey in Friday).

Chris Richardson
Don't Get Around Much Anymore

Ummmm...I get the feeling that he'll be getting around a lot in the near future! Seriously one of his best performances. Is he the best? Not so much...but dang...the boy can sing!

Jordin Sparks
On a Clear Day

For once, I did not like Jordin's performance. Not that she was particularly bad...the song just didn't suit her. Heck, maybe it was the whole genre that didn't suit her. Whatever, it just didn't work for me. Sorry!

Gina Glocksen
Smile

She's really not my kind of chick, but dang, she made me smile last night! I loved her again this week! She's got depth and range and a voice that can soar. Was she outsung by the two chicks that sang before her? Breaking with Simon, I'd say only Melinda outsang her. I bet she's safe...least I hope she's safe!

Sanjaya Malakar
Cheek to Cheek

I have no words for his vocal prowess on this or any other song he attempts to perform. He is working the hell out of the fact that he can't sing though. Crazy!!!

Haley Scarnato
Ain't Misbehavin'

Was it just me, or did all of the judges completely decide to pass when it came to talking about her performance? Nope...they all had nice things to say about...her outfit. Oh yeah, Simon said she had great legs. And with that, she was whisked off stage. Hmmmm...I bet we'll see her in the bottom three tonight!!!

Lakisha Jones
Stormy Weather

Ahhh...good ole' Kiki! I felt a little wet myself after watching that performance. Dang...personally, I think she's got a better voice than Melinda. And she can work the stage. Dang! Ok...enough...we all know I love me sum Kiki!!!

So...now you know what it looks like in Sanjaya's universe!!!

j.

The Quil

2007-03-28T09:59:00.000-07:00

There is an old adage that says the "pen is mightier than the sword." This wise old saying came to me this morning as I downed another dose of medicine designed to temporarily relieve the cold and flu symptoms I've been suffering from for the past too many days. If then the pen truly is mightier than the sword, then I'm betting that perhaps the quil (you know, nyquil ~ dayquil) is mightier than the cold/flu I've been suffering from for what seems like an eternity by now. You are probably wondering what the quil has to do with American Idol and this here little blog. Well, I'm glad you asked...'cuz for the life of me I can't figure it out either.

Last night, Gwen Stefani of No Doubt and solo fame, deigned to give our top 10 her some sage words. Having followed Gwen for some time now, I rather expected her to show up looking like the fashionista that she is and be every bit as outrageous as we all know she can be. Instead, she looked like she was auditioning for the TV spinoff of The Stepford Wives and quite honestly was as boring as the stuffed French Poodle my great-grandmother kept next to her fireplace. Of course, it could have just been the fact that I was watching through quill-colored glasses.

I'm going to give props to at least one person who I regularly don't like. That would be the creepy, spaced-alien guy, Phil. The one who looks like he needs to go visit the good MD's over at the Hairclub for Men. The one who looks like his eyes are going to pop out at any given second and who recently has been sporting some of the most perfectly manscaped brows I've ever seen (even better than mine). Both DJ Nik and I commented that if we closed our eyes, he was actually pretty dang good. Of course, it kind of sucks to have to close your eyes to watch someone perform. hmmmm...again, maybe it was the quil.

I'm guessing by now that you'd like my to quit this quil-laced diatribe and actually talk about what it is we are actually here to talk about. Namely the dead animal that Paula and Sanjaya were sporting last night...oh, and what cruise ship Haley fell off of.

LaKisha Jones
Last Dance

Who would have known that good ole' Gwen was a Donna Summers fan. Who else but the American Idol producers who needed some vehicle to allow the amazing voice of Kiki to shine forth (knowing, they did, that No Doubt didn't really have anything suitable in their rep). And shine she did. We all love her! She's amazing! But, to borrow from the advice that Simon gave my boy Blake, Kiki needs to break out of those big Diva songs and show us a different side of herself...otherwise we run the risk of getting...well...bored. And that would suck 'cuz we all know this girl is GOOD!!!

Chris Sligh
Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic

Ummmm...something was off, off, off during that entire performance. Nice voice, but he ain't got any rythm and that could prove to be his undoing. Frankly, if I was him, I'd be scared to death. Awfully close to the front, way off performance that was ultimately boring. Nothing magic about this one.

Gina Glocksen
I'll Stand By You

Woo Woo!! Let me first just say that the dress was just down right wrong!! I mean what the heck was that? Boots were kickin though! Performance was stellar!! As Simon said, not just one of her best...her best!!! YAY!

Sanjaya Malakar
Bathwater

I would love to talk about his performance (one of his better ones I think) but frankly I was so distracted by that hair that I don't really remember the performance at all. Perhaps that was the idea. Having laid in bed this morning and watched all the morning talk shows, I can tell you that every-dang-body is talking about the hair. Well, if ya can't sing...ya might as well blow 'em away with your hair!

Haley Scarnato
True Colors

There's a cruise ship out there calling this chick's name. Paula came right out and called her performance "adult contemporary" and couldn't have been closer to dead on. I mean how the heck do you turn one of my favorite songs into something you'd hear in an elevator? Good Lord, Englebert Humperdink wouldn't have the balls to redo this song. Haley...I've got the number to the cruise Director for Celebrity Cruise ships...they'd like you to audition...please give me a holler!

Phil Stacey
Every Breath You Take

I can't take breaths right now...at least normal ones. The quil has to provide assistance and even that ain't all that great. Which is why, I was a little bit annoyed when I saw that creepy guy was going to sing this song (if this doesn't make sense, blame the quil). I mean get real, he butchers just about every song he sings and I expected this to be no exception thereby completely ruining what little breath I had left. Well, once DJ Nik and I closed our eyes, we enjoyed his performance...a lot!! Which is just sad! And that ain't the quil talkin' at all!

Melinda Doolittle
Heaven Knows

Hmmmm...I could probably just copy what I wrote for Kiki! The performance was flawless but, unlike Simon, I actually liked her outfit...and the fact that she hugged herself. Made me feel kinda funny...I think (this damn quil has me so confused!).

Blake Lewis
Love Song

My boy was amazing last night...in a boring kind of way. Which makes me wonder a little bit about Paula...she got a little moist during that performance did she not?! Just how boring you think she is behind the dressing room door...hmmmm...

Jordin Sparks
Hey Baby

She never did learn how to pop her booty like Gwen, but she did a pretty dang good job of blowing the performance right off the stage and them boots were pretty dang sexy!!! She truly is getting better and better every week.

Chris Richardson
Don't Speak

I like this guy so much. And yes foxy coxy, I've liked him for a long time, contrary to your assertion last night. Started off a little rocky (for me) but really closed out strong...strong enough that I'm bettin' he'll be safe!

Given the way that the voting has gone for the past several weeks, it's hard for me to make a prediction. However, being the betting man that I am, I think I'm gonna go with Cruise Ship Chick or the "ain't got no rythm" guy. Any takers?

Well, I'm headin' back to my quil-induced coma. Dusty...this one's for you!

j.

Why am I not surprised?

2007-03-22T00:01:00.000-07:00

Between those dumbasses over at VFTW and Howard Stern (whom I'm usually rather fond of), we've once again seen our lowest vote-getters be artists who don't deserve to be there while we've left ick in the top 10. Why? I guess in this world of haters, it should not be a surprise that people would hate the success that Idol has garnered. Sure, sometimes I'm a little peeved by the ego's that acost us, but in the end, I'm adult enough to realize that this show is about the music. It ain't about how big a mouth they've got or how much Dan Savage would like to ravage one particular performer's body. It's about the music dang it!!!

Stephanie Edwards absolutely did not deserve to be sent packin' tonight! Chris did not deserve to be in the bottom two. But because, in my opinion, people took the advice of a juvenile hater over at VFTW, we will continue to be subjected to the likes of Sanjaya and that hairless freak for at least one more week. And speaking of hairless freak...was anyone else besides me completely annoyed at his whoopin and hollerin upon hearing he was safe? Good god man...shut the hell up?! You're skatin' on thin ice as it is!

I know I'm on a bit of a rant...but dang it all to Debuke ya'll...hater's suck! My good pal foxy coxy said she might just quit watching. I know that's the result that Howard, et al would like...but it's the wrong one!! Sure Idol is getting predictable and has generated more money than god...but heaven's to betsy...

Steph...we here at Idol Chatter are saddened to see you go! Perhaps you did get a little bit old this past week but it was still miles better than that drivel we got from those who should have been in the bottom three!

Well kids...I'm off to ponder what this all means! And I'm pissy...so leave me the heck alone!

j.

who's ur daddy?!

2007-03-21T09:07:00.000-07:00

You know, this will be another week where we'll see a guy shipped off to no-where-ville (cuz you know, if you ain't in the top 10, you ain't sh...well, you know). Sorry "dogs" but that's the truth. Not that they weren't a million times better this week, cuz they were. But still, they are just outsung and outclassed by the gurls. Well, not all of them, although one proved again last night that he will ride the wave 'till at least the top 4 and, as one person at my house noted, will probably have his first hit single out before this season is even over...which prompted me to say..."who's ur daddy?!" I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'!

Speaking of last night...I'm finally settled in to my new digs AND the HDTV was on and poppin'! I gotta tell ya, it's so nice to be close to where all the action is...you see living farther south from Hollywood than I liked, I often enjoyed AI alone...ok, someone sound asleep on the sofa next to me, doesn't technically constitute alone...but still! Last night, we cleared a space for DJ Nik on the sofa and I gotta tell ya, it was pretty amazing to actually have some banter going on during the show.

Speaking of banter...we were joined remotely (via text messaging and telephone) by several faithful fans in the Bay Area. One of which commented on the creepiness of that space invader guy Phil. Honestly, I don't care whether the guy can sing or not...I just can't look at him...major ick factor. foxy coxy represented via the phone...although to be honest, she was a bit distracted and in need of a little gay advice. So, here it is for what's it worth...If a 50-something gay man can't have lunch with ya or send ya pics of hot naked guys that you both enjoy, he's prolly more work than he's worth. If he tells ya that it's because he thinks you're fallin' for him...he's definitely more work than he's worth. They don't call 'em "drama queens" for nothin'!

Having said all of that, I should probably get down to the few thoughts I managed to collect about last night's performances. So...who's ur daddy?!

Haley Scarnato
Tell Him

I just can't believe that Disney hasn't called and asked her to sing in one of the groups that dot their parks. You know the ones right? Usually you'll find a little gazebo with a group that just got off the cruise ship (Disney of course). They're good you know! But they ain't pop stars! They are Disney stars! And they'll make a descent living! This is where Haley fits in best! While last night was a "million" times better than her previous performances, I'm still wishing that the curse of "first" will send her to where she belongs. I will give her credit for being smart! Why you ask? Did ya see what she was wearin? DAAAMN!

Chris Richardson
Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying

This guy reminds me a bit of JT...you know...Justin Timberlake. I think I speak for all of us when I say that it is obvious Chris grew up idolizing boy bands. He's got the look and the sound. Chris sang the heck out of that song. No need to say anything more!

Stephanie Edwards
You Don't Have to Say You Love Me

Beyoncé lite! That's what Stephanie is to me! And I love me some Beyoncé, so, that's not all bad. To quote the dog himself...she was just "awiiight"! Not that she's goin' anywhere though! Maybe next week she'll do that knee drop thing again...(please, please, please, please...I'll do anything!!!).

Blake Lewis
Time of the Season

Hi daddy!!!

LaKish Jones
Diamonds are Forever

Well, I don't know if she really had on a million dollars worth of diamonds...but she was blinged out. Before I go any farther...I'm gonna qualify this by sayin' I love me some Kiki!!! Like the judges though, I was a bit underwhelmed with song choice. I wish, wish, wish she would have followed Lulu's advice and gone with the other. Not that she sucked or that she's going home...but...

Phil Stacey
Tobacco Road

Creepy is the general concensus regarding this guy! It doesn't matter if he can sing (last night he couldn't) because I can't look at him without my skin crawling. Probably why he was in the bottom three last week and why he's my pick to go home! Yup! You heard me! c-ya - wouldn't wanna b-ya!

Jordin Sparks
I (Who Have Nothing)

Ummmm...I'll be your boyfriend. By the time your 18, I'm pretty sure I will have completed my reparitive therapy and can be the arm candy you deserve. Hmmmm...actually maybe I'll retract that thought...but still...damn girl...you can blow!!! I'm not quite sure that I wanted to throw myself off of a bridge ala Simon, but I do agree with him that it was amazing!!! Ok...so the song is a bit depressing...still...yum!!!

Sanjaya Malakar
You Really Got Me

Do I really have to say anything about this pipsqueak? He's not cute (sorry all you gay bois and pre-teen girls who think he is)! He can't sing! So why the hell is he still there? Perhaps he's been doing his special hula dance for Ryan backstage. I mean really...why else is he here for?! It's hard for me to say he sucked last night, although he did - it's just that he sucks every night! And did ya see the little girl cryin'? What the hell was that about? Get a life already!! He'll be back in the bottom 2...again!

Gina Glocksen
Paint it Black

For once, my panel of experts disagreed with the judges! We liked her performance last night! And we aren't even rockers! I'm pretty sure she'll be safe...although...I'm not sure I'd be totally surprised if she ended up in the bottom 3.

Chris Sligh
She's Not There

While Chris and I share nothing in the looks department...we share a ton in the "growing up" department. I like him and feel a strong connection to him. That being said...I wasn't all that crazy about this particular performance...including his interactions with the audience. Not that he's got anything to worry about!

Melinda Doolittle
As Long as He Needs Me

I really find myself at a loss as to what to say regarding this amazing talent. I mean how many superlatives can one use? She was "flawless"! And apparently, she really is "that nice"!

Tonight we'll send someone back where they so desperately need to be (that is if we send Sanjaya, Phil or Haley packin'). If we don't send one of those three home, then it will be another AI travesty. Like that would be a shocker!

And with that...I'm outta here. Gonna run see if daddy'll let me borrow his outfit from last night...salmon shirt and all!

Accountants ~ Public Bathrooms ~ Lawsuits

2007-03-14T10:56:00.000-07:00

Well kids, this week looks like a continuation of last week. Surrounded by boxes stacked to the ceiling and with no cable guy in sight, I once again missed our reason for living...American Idol. How wrong is that?! To be honest, I could have walked around the corner to my friend's pad and watched with her, but I just wasn't that inclined. Living out of boxes tends to be exhausting after a while and well, I'd just as soon get out of them. Thankfully, just in time to hear Diana Ross perform and the first of our final 12 make their exit from the big stage (and hopefully our collective memory), the cable guy will be visiting me this afternoon. The anticipation is palpable!

In the meantime, a little birdy has informed me of some interesting new details from several seasons ago that I feel obligated to share with you all. Remember cute-as-a-button Mario Vazquez? The talented one that we all felt would one day be a big star? The one whose sudden departure from the show was due to personal reasons unrelated to drugs, racy pics on the internet, felonys or any of the other no-no's that have dashed the dreams of American Idol hopefuls since the dawn of time (er, sorry...I mean the dawn of Idol...then again, did anything exist before Idol?).

Anyhoo...yesterday the newswires were abuzz with a little lawsuit (pdf of lawsuit from Access Hollywood) filed in the Los Angeles Superior Court alleging "wrongful termination and violation of the State's Fair Employment and Housing Act." One Magdelano Olmos apparently is alleging that he was fired from his job as Assistant Production Accountant on Idol because he complained of...ready for this...sexual harrassment. Like that ever happens! Oh wait...we are in Hollyweird after all...happens all the dang time. But, if you are like me, you must be wondering exactly what Vazquez has to do with this taudry tale straight out of the taudriest of towns. Girrrlll...pull your panties up cuz this is a good'un...

Apparently Vazquez developed a bit of a crush on Olmos and must have been feelin' a vibe. Now, it should be noted that Hollywood messes with vibes. When I first moved to this fair city, I found myself exceedingly confused. I mean, I lived in Kansas City for a while where the gay bois are gay and the straight boys are straight. No metro, macho or any other kind of "sexual" dude...no...two categories only. Well, Hollywood just messes that equation up. Not that I'm excusing Mario...but perhaps he got a little confused.

Speaking of confused, apparently this Olmos character is a little confused himself. I mean, get this, I know a little bit about bathroom etiquette being of the male species and I can't think of one time that I've ever opened the stall door when someone "knocked" without the express knowledge that whomever had knocked was interested in something more than the extra role of toilet paper I might or might not be in possession of. I mean...get real.

Anyway ClayMate over at American Idol Worship has more of the juicy details. Don't forget, I'll be back tomorrow with my thoughts on who went home. Until then...if you're a guy (or a chick for that matter) and you're in a public loo and someone knocks...don't open the door. If you do, don't be surprised when Mr. So-in-So presents you with his calling card!

Cheers!

j.

No Update

2007-03-07T08:43:00.000-08:00

Due to an impending move, there will be no American Idol update(s) this week. We here at Idol Chatter hope that you enjoy this week's viewing and look forward to resuming our comments regarding this year's talent pool (or lack there of) next week. Until then...happy viewing!

Calling Miss Cleo...

2007-03-01T08:44:00.000-08:00

Well, it was not the queen's night and no matter that one wasn't ready to "back down" or another has soared because we "loved" her (I'm sure those pics I saw on the internet had absolutely nothing to do with it), the three ladies referenced above are really, really, really skatin' on thin ice. Like Simon, I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just sayin', these chicks don't have the collective vocal abilities of a cat in heat. Perhaps by some weird chance of fate (or your own four M's) you missed last night's performances. If that's the case, then I'll fill ya in ~ Haley (Queen of the Night) ~ Alaina (Not Ready to Make Nice) ~ Antonella (Because You Loved Me) were all outclassed, outsung and just about any other "out" you can think of last night. But, since I don't want you to think I've nothing nice to say, I will say that they all looked beautiful and not one of them needed Simon's oh-so-helpful fashion advice.

Which, was it just me or did he seem to be freely distributing it last night? Seriously y'all, the guy has the fashion sense of Yoda, although from what I hear, he pays a ton of money for that slag he wears. But I digress. Seriously though, he was doling out fashion advice like he was Giorgio Armani or something. And frankly, my girl LaKisha did look like she could use it. Those shoes and that skirt weren't meant for that body. I'm sorry...so sorry...but he's right...she needed somethng that screamed "I'm a star!" and what she wore said "I'm a $5 hooker". And Lord knows, I love the girl so it pains me to say that. Then again, that would be my only complaint about her. Dang...the girl can blow!!! I l.u.v. her (special shout out to granny!)!

Having said that, I realized last night that she's got some serious competition. No, absolutely not from the guys, but from at least three others. I have always had a fondness for Miss Melinda Doolittle (doesn't she remind you of your third grade teacher...the one that, in your third grade mind you thought was SO hot...yeah...I'm bettin' so) and she didn't disappoint ~ no, not in the least. In fact, she blew the roof off the joint. Sadly, my Moxi is still on the fritz and so I was unable to replay over and over ad nauseum (I'm sure the neighbors breathed a collective sigh of relief).

Another serious competitor is Stephanie Edwards. Let's be honest...she's just freakin' HOT. And because I don't think you heard me, really heard me, the first time, I'm gonna repeat myself. She's just freakin' HOT!!! I don't care if she's Beyonce-lite or not. Heck, that might even be a plus. She's had two great weeks and I expect it to keep on a comin! Also in the top tier would have to be Sabrina Sloan, although, I'll admit, I rather had to agree with Simon this week when he said that it wasn't as good as last week's. Of course, he did follow that up with the pronouncement that she is a "great singer!" YAY!

I would be remiss if I failed to mention Gina Glocksen. Whew!! Ok, she sang a song that has more memories for me that just about any other! Ah the joys your first highschool dance, that first kiss (Hi Tracey!) while a faux Heart band screamed out "Alone"! yee-haw!!! It wasn't her best performance, but dang, she beat that faux Heart band from my Sadie Hawkins dance all to heck!! And who could forget Jordin Sparks! I love that chicka, even if she wasn't at her best last night. She's got staying power. Of course that leaves one more that I haven't mentioned. I think her name is Leslie. She's not bad, she's just not memorable. She should probably stay around another week, but not much more.

If I was Miss Cleo, I'd give you my predictions as to which of the three listed at the top were going home. Then again, Miss Cleo has about as my talent as I do when it comes to predicting the future. Hmmmm...maybe we should team up and restart the Psychic Reader's Network. We could call it the Psychic American Idol Network. You know, that's not a bad idea...in fact...let me see if I can't raise ole Cleo right now..."hello, hello, hello..." Dang I hate it when my ESP is on the fritz!

The four M's

2007-02-28T09:21:00.000-08:00

I'm at a loss for words! Not because I'm at an actual loss for words, rather because I had too many competing interests last night to really devote myself to the late night video dedications, boy's edition, of American Idol. Now, I'm sure you are asking yourself what could be more important than 10 guys with varying degrees of musical talent flitting across my Sony, 46" widescreen HDTV. So, to help you better understand my loss for words, I'll let you in on some of the aforementioned "competeing interests."

I. Move

A rapidly approaching move. As in my million dollar beachside hovel has sold and the new owners will be gutting it. Demolition starts next week. Problem is that we can't come to agreement over where we'd like to lay our head without missing the sound of crashing waves too awfully much. Last night we toured several more before making our way home. We think we've narrowed it down to 3. Fun stuff!!!

II. Moxi

We recently upgraded our home entertainment system with our digital cable provider to Moxi. It's cool! When it works! Except last night, it was on the fritz.

III. Martin Luther King, Jr.

3rd grade homework review with the kid including, but certainly not limited to (by any stretch of the imagination...geez, when did 3rd grade require 5 hours of homework), a Black History Month lesson about Dr. King.

IV. Merlot

My wonderful neighbor Rosie brought over a delectable glass of wine over which we discussed house hunting and other fun neighborhood gossip (apparently someone failed to make their mortgage payments and foreclosure is emminent).

Now, anyone of those things would not take me away from something that is sometimes my passion. But combined, they provided a powerful 1-2-3-4 punch that nearly kept me from what is truly important - long distance video dedications.

Actually, I'm kind of glad I didn't have to sit through those sappy, crappy things. Who cares?!! Seriously! The ones I did see made me feel a bit like I felt the day my dog committed suicide (no lie...she did...but that's a whole 'nuther Rosie). You know the feeling...that tingle in the back of your throat that gives you that feeling like you might, just maybe might, upchuck your dinner.

I did actually get to view a couple of the performances and surprise, surprise, I've got a comment or two. Sanjaya doesn't suck...he's just WAY WAY out of his element!!! I don't care that a whole bunch of people think he's cute. I don't care that all the gay bois think he's the bestest thing since the disco ball! He just doesn't belong...period! I'd pick him to go home, but my one pick from the guys last week is still here...so...phooey on the picks!

I don't like Phil Stacey...something about him just rubs me the wrong way. I wouldn't miss him at all if he were dumped this week. I did get to hear 3 seconds of AJ...and I like him! Who else did I see worth mentioning...oh duh...my boy, actually my boys. Blake and Chris!!! The rest pale in comparison.

Well, that's my wrap. If you wanna call it that. I'm hopeful that tonight I'll actually get to watch the girls...cuz let's get real, that's where my passion is. At least this season!

How do you spell love?

2007-02-22T09:31:00.000-08:00

LaKisha Jones

...nuff said...

Ok...so you should know me well enough by now to know that "...nuff said..." is never enough said. I've always got something to say...whether you wanna hear it or not. It's both a curse and a gift. Perhaps having preachers for parents has a little something to do with being so outspoken. I dunno...anyway...bear with me because we've got a lot of ground to cover.

Speaking of parents, I got an e-mail last night from my mother informing me that she tried to read yesterday's diatribe before bed but due to the inclusion of so many four-letter words, she gave up and went to bed. She reminded me, in the course of her missive to me, that I am better than four letter words. Mom still bein' mom!

Maybe a little background is in order. Growin' up in my house meant regular church attendance (3 + times a week); absolutely no secular music (American Idol would have been out of the question); zero tolerance for television watching (again, another strike against American Idol) and little if any tolerance for words considered crass, uncouth, cuss-words, etc. Besides the obvious "cuss-words" there were other words on that list that might illicit a bar of soap in my mouth. Words such as:

Gosh
Heck
Golly
Gee
Gee Whiz
Darn
Oh My God
Pee

Words that were encouraged in my house were those 50 cent words I like to throw around periodically. You know the ones I'm talking about right...words like pedantic, bombastic (great words to describe me don't you think?). There was even a 3 dollar word that, while not encouraged, was even used on occassion. In case you can't figure that one out, I'll tell you: Queer. As in: Queer as a three dollar bill.

Growing into my own as a wordsmith, I have found that I like using those verboten words of yester-year. They have a rebellious sound to them and it makes me feel kind of like the "cool" guy hangin' on the corner. Sometimes these words are really the only words that fully express the emotive feelings illicited by some real or perceived actions. And in case you can't figure it out...I'm talking about the boys the other night. They sucked (opps...another of the forbidden words). Pardon me...they stunk to high heaven (this word is probably also forbidden in this context...but I think she'll cut me some slack). In truth, there was a direct causal relationship between their singing and my use of "questionable" words.

As my mother is one of my biggest fans, it pains me to no end to know that she didn't finished, what was admittedly (by me of course) an amazing bit of writing about how dreadful this round of boys really are. I don't like getting missives from my mom telling me how I flubbed the dub. I like it when I read that I'm the greatest thing since sliced cheese. As this is all about entertainment, I promise to try and clean up my act. But mom, when things really, really cry out for a word that is more expressive than an "oh my goodness", will ya cut me a little slack?

Back to Idol for a quick minute...I've booked 23 plane tickets this morning! I'm currently looking for a vehicle to cast Ms. Jones in that will fully exploit that amazing voice and stage presense. Without kicking over the altar that we've built for Jennifer Hudson, I'd like to profer this little gem...LaKisha Jones makes Jennifer Hudson sound like yesterday's news.

Does knowing that I'm a momma's boy AND love LaKisah make that much of a difference to you? I didn't think so! Tonight we'll send a bunch of has-been's and also-ran's packing. Since it really doesn't matter any more, I might not even watch! Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Wake me up...

2007-02-21T15:25:00.000-08:00

I have tried all day to come up with something witty and urbane regarding boys night on Idol. Surely twelve strapping, virile, young guys with angelic voices would have my house in a positive uproar. Alas, I was bored and at times quite disgusted with the whole shebang. At one point it got so bad I wished for that gawd-awful Ace from last season to come on and at least smolder at me for a minute. I thought that maybe a little weed might make the night more interesting, but all it did was give me the giggles and then the munchies and then the...well, hell, you've smoked before, you know how it works.

Anyhoo...American Idol somehow has moved away from the joy that captured us that first season. Now we have Ryan thinking he's a judge (please just shut him the hell up!). I mean come one y'all, do you really believe that Ryan and Simon have such an adversarial relationship? You do?! Shows how much you know! It doesn't take long to come across pictures of them hanging in Malibu or the Hollywood Hills. Heck, I've been on the patio at Moonshadows when they walked right past my table. Clearly their friendship is not how the producers make it out to be. But why feed us this line of horse dung? To boost ratings? Hell, they've got the highest ratings of any show since the rapture (assuming TV had been invented 2,000 years ago). Frankly, these little scripted fights between Ryan and the judges produces the biggest cringes from me and I'd dare say from just about everyone else who watches the show. Enough already!

By the way, since there really wasn't much going on vocally last night, I did catch a few other things that might be considered noteworthy. (1) Ryan has waxy looking feet; (2) Paula was trying to pawn off a dead animal from the 80s as her own hair; (3) Randy was still reeling from what must have been a "rock-star" weekend; and (4) hell...I can't think of a 4...

But what about the actual contestants you must be asking. Well, I could do a reprisal of that bunch of warbling last night but frankly you don't want me to...you know you don't. I mean, do you even remember the name of the guy who sang first (and don't cheat)? No...you don't. You probably don't remember the name of the guy who sang second...although he wasn't too horrible (and kind of cute). We do know that the guy who actually illicited a title of one of my columns was a one dribble wonder. He may have given great head during his audition but the sun no longer dances for him. Look to see him packing Thursday night.

Who did I like? Well, frankly the beat boxer Blake surprised the hell out of me. I read all the pundits yesterday who said he was nothing more than a gimmick. Bull!!! He did that Keane song proud...ok, so I didn't really like his falsetto...but damn!!! I also liked the guy who reminds everyone of Justin T a little bit. Do I remember his name? No...but I'm not real worried about that as I think he'll be back.

I don't know how many we'll loose this go around...but if it were up to me, I'd send 6 of them home right now. Tonight we'll sit through the girls. If they sing like the guys, our only hope will be that they dress like the transvestite hookers plying the street corners in and around Hollywood on any given night. Otherwise the show tonight will be a complete and utter washout.

And so, I end this little diatribe praying to Buddah and all the other gods/goddesses out there that changes happen and happen quickly because otherwise I'm gonna be outta a job (hahaha...yeah...like I get paid for this...rich ain't it). I leave you with a little youTube I came across of Blake Lewis performing live at the Columbia City Theater. Tried to find his performance from last night...but alas...it had been pulled...something about terms of agreement violations. Anyway...last night he came out swinging and I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't lay some more smackdown on us during the rest of the season!

that was fast

2007-02-14T09:09:00.000-08:00

Here's the deal y'all, I'm sitting at my desk looking at a mountain of annual evaluations that must be finished before Friday. My boss keeps peering into my office to see if the moutain has somehow shown signs of diminishing. Needless to say, I'm feeling rushed...which means that my thoughts about last night's AI will be rushed as well.

But I guess that's the way it should be given the fact that the show last night felt rushed. I mean, we meandered through how many cities; had to listen ad nauseam to drivel and then, we arrive in Hollyweird for Hell Week (or American Idol Boot Camp) when all of the sudden it was like those damn Mazda commercials...you know the ones...zoom, zoom, zoom! Blech!

As we finished up Valentine's gifts for Ms. Hernandez's 3rd grade class (except for three because they are mean), I managed to give myself a sugar high. Unfortunately it didn't help turn my American Idol into a viewing pleasure. It flew by so quick I didn't have a chance to care. And since I didn't care, despite the tears somebody (not me mind you...some other adult in my house...go figure) was shedding because some gay boy's mom doesn't love him (until he made it to Hollywood), the show contained nothing worth writing about.

And so, I'm gonna wrap this up too. We're down to 40 and after tonight we'll be down to the final 24. Wonder if tonight will go by like last night. Too bad the early auditions didn't!

I would like to give one small shout-out to Robyn Truth - you may have got cut last night faster n' Buttermilk Pie at my house - but damn, the consolation prize was pretty sweet. I mean, I've now watched you three times grovin with Justin and TI - let's just say you're a lucky girl!!! One little note - apparently the 8 year old in my oh so conservative house (hahahahaha....) feels that your dress was a little bit short. Not sayin' I agree cuz let's get real, if I had Justin on one side and TI on the other, I'd a had my dress over my head. But that's just me.

Now...back to evals...

j.

"...with a rebel yell..."

2007-02-07T09:13:00.000-08:00

And with those words, San Antonio officially became a joke! Yeah...you heard me right...a joke! San Antonio - that great city that gave us the Alamo! Texas - that great state that gave the world it's current 8 year rash. Although in fairness to Texas, I can't be too hard on it because it gave the world my grandparents and my dad! All of them people of character, principle, their word AND they can sing. Before I let this diatribe take a rather nasty turn into the barren wasteland that is our current politics let me just stop and say that those Texas greats in my history have all the great qualities currently lacking in...well you get the picture. Apparently at least one of those attributes was also missing in ten thousand, nine hundred and seventy-eight of those who came to audition. While you wrap your head around that, allow me to vent for a quick minute.

Perhaps I'm getting old! Ok, let's face it...I am getting old! I was reminded of that just the other day by my eight year old who told me just that..."you're old!" And perhaps, given my current stage of dotery, I've grown tired of mean. In fact, I've found a bumper sticker that has become my current theme song (ok...it's not really a song, but would be if I could just get someone with a modicum of talent to put it to music) - "Mean people suck!!" Mean is OUT! At least for me...because I'm old!

I heard an Entertainment Reporter this morning describe last night's show as "cringe worthy!" It was indeed! If you've read any of my past musings on American Idol, you'll know that I pretty much always agree with Simon! I even like his snarky "I'm not being rude" comments. Simon's paid to tell people the truth...whether they like to hear it or not. My beef ain't with Simon!

Nope, my beef is with the damn producers of this show who feel the need to regale Simon, Paula, Randy, and the viewing audience (that'd be you'n'me) with people who don't seem to know a good note from a good fart. Seriously, my eight year old farts in better tune that some of these people sing. Not only do I blame the producers of AI, I blame the parents, educators, friends, etc. who tell these idiots that they've got talent. And so these buffoons come parading through our living rooms screaming, wheezing, burping, humping and ultimately showering expletives down on the judges for telling them what they should have been told a long damn time ago - YOU CAN'T SING! We are suppose to feel sorry for these dingleberries when they've been told the truth - uh NO! They shouldn't have been there in the first damn place!! And, failing to get the hint from their parents, educators or friends, the producers should have laughed politely and sent them packing. Instead, these dullards are pawned off onto Simon, Paula and Randy and ultimately us. And we are suppose to coddle these people???? Feel sorry for them when they break down into puddles of tears??? Bleck!!!

There...I feel better! Before I wrap this up though, I'd like to give a shout out to the one guy who understood that he sucked! And boy did he ever! Heaven forgive me, but that was the absolute worst rendition of "Amazing Grace" I've ever heard. I wanted to throw stuff at the telly. I wanted him to stop but he just droned on and on and on and on and on. The judges, as you saw, had nowhere to turn to hide the obvious mirth! Hell, I'da been laughing right along with them given the chance. Having watched other "performers" (and I use that word oh so lightly) wail and moan and curse the judges, I just naturally assumed that big boy would do the same. Not this guy! Instead, he thanked them; told them his cousin (next audition) was the better singer; then getting the approval necessary to "put on a show" as he walked out the door. And did he ever!!! I nearly wet myself laughing! William Green, you are my American Idol Reject of the Season!!! And by the way...thanks for showing all that love for your cousin who really could sing!!!

Well, the rebel yell never did really materialize. Instead San Antonio and in fact Texas ended on a whimper. And I feel better to be out of the Lone Star State, as do I'm sure the twenty-two who got the golden ticket. Tonight we'll be treated to the best and worst that didn't make it on the previous slauditions (get it: slaughter/audition). Then...finally...Hollywood!!!

Until then remember this kiddos...mean people suck!!!

j.

Uh oh...it's the Apocalypse...everybody hide!

2007-01-31T22:40:00.000-08:00

Ok - you know that feeling when you're watching T.V. and you realize that the cloying drivel being orchestrated by the Hollywood machine is forcing you to steel yourself with a jaded supernova shield, tempered with disdain and disbelief?

Of course you do.

And then a 64 year old contestant armed with a 300 person petition and a sob story tugs at your heart strings and you die a little inside. The defeat the Producers dolled out can not be forgiven. Even now, a good hour since I watched the episode, I can still see his face and hear his voice. For shame, Ryan, for shame.

It is the 3rd best show on television (Battlestar Galactica and The Daily Show can't be faded), but you have to watch it with a friend and you have to be drinking (red wine is preferred) for the formula to come out right. You have to be able to look at someone and go: "Did you see Paula's face? OMG, rewind it!" for you to qualify as a quality viewer.

Anyway, at the end of the bittersweet performance, I was actually moved. Like almost brought a tear to my eye moved - you could tell he was singing to his dead girlfriend (sidebar: Love it when he kept saying "My Lady"...means they weren't married...they were ACTUALLY in love, just so you know) and you could tell he sang it to her while in the hospital room as she counted the signatures, dying from cancer. He did better than a lot of the crappy ones they show in these beginning episodes, that's for sure. The best ones are the ones they're still doing background checks on.

Did you guys hear this crap about the Producers seeking to replace Paula Abdul with Courtney Love? Have you ever seen a better application of "Out of the frying pan and into the fryer" EVER? I think not! Say what you want about Paula Abdul (Lord knows I do), but dammit she's earned my respect as an entertainer. Simon's always right, but he's such a bitch about it, and Randy is....well he's Randy...so it often falls to Paula to at least make their reactions interesting. When she likes the singer (always a guy...hey Paula...pssssst...slow your roll turbo...could you be a little more obvious?) she looks at Randy, and when she doesn't like the performer, she droopily mugs the camera, trying to look professional and only pulling off looking fabulous and drunk. Fabulunk? Drunkulous? Now that she's successfully replaced Jaye P. Morgan from the Gong Show, how in hell can she be replaced? Especially by Courtney "Lifetime ban on Qantis" Love? Ew!

This is Professor Snoutch saying, "I'd rather have a drunk pill popper that looks flawless than a drunker, pill (and everything else) poppin' white trash mess anyday. She's actually got potential as an actress, I was shocked when she showed up in Basquiat and she's actually not half bad. As long as she's sober and everything that comes out of her mouth is scripted. Quite the opposite with Paula. I need her drunk and surprised and I'm a happy camper."

Birmingham = Big Bird?

2007-01-31T09:01:00.000-08:00

We've been to Birmingham seems like every season and with good reason. Birmingham has provided us with two winners - Ruben Studdard and Taylor Hicks (shout out to the Soul Patrol). Frankly, that alone made me leary of going back! Not that I don't love the city, because it's beautiful and the people are over-the-top friendly. But dang it y'all, maybe it's time for a dip into a different pool.

Since I was obviously not thrilled about this foray into B-Town, I only half watched the show. Paula apparently decided that Birmingham was an especially appropriate place to crank up her already zany antics and so we were treated to several amazingly lifelike sea lion imitations, actually getting up out of her chair and walking off screen during one performance (granted that chicka may have been purty as they say in the South, but was off the scale when it came to annoying voices) and then putting through that one ding-a-ling chick with the speaking voice which sounded like my 4 year old neice on helium. Ok, Randy put her through as well and since Paula nearly always reads off of Randy's script it should not be a shocker, or considered weird for her to do it again here. It was her reasoning that made this one bizarre. In fact, it was so convaluted that I can't even begin to recreate it here. Suffice it to say little girl got lucky. Not surprisingly, given her bizarre antics, Paula was faced with some "family obligations" and took her leave.

I would love to say that the talent got better. Heck, I would love to say I was even a little bit inclined to watch the show. But truth be told, I found a scuff mark on a pair of shoes in the garbage can and decided now might be the time to do something about it.

Having finished that little project, I sauntered back in just in time to catch Big Bird make a freakish appearance. Birmingham, have you really been reduced to showing us 50 year old Big Bird wanna-be's...with no talent to boot?! See what happens when you keep dipping into the same gene pool? Eventually you'll start getting inbred freak shows like the one we saw last night. Maybe I'm just in a particularly foul mood today...but damn...

Until our next dip in the shallow pool of talent that is Los Angeles...

Ta Ta for now...

j.

Do you give good Head?

2007-01-24T10:02:00.000-08:00

I know! I know! It's wildly out of character for me to ask such a sexually suggestive question; especially given that I am writing about last night's episode of the "family" smack down show that is American Idol. But seriously, it's hard not to walk through such a wide open door. I mean come on, the guys name is Sundance Head. Exactly what drugs were his parents on when he was named? Obviously they weren't thinking about people like me. Simon said "where do we go from here" upon hearing the guy's name. It was painfully obvious to me exactly where he wanted to go. What was odd was that he apparently decided to be a bit kinder and gentler. I mean really, didn't Simon just last week basically say that the secretary whose boss flew her out to audition must have something scandalous going on with that same boss man (I saw his wife and saw the secretary and frankly am thankful they don't live in Michigan, otherwise somebody would be spending the rest of their life in prison...psst...in case you didn't know, it's illegal to commit adultery in Michigan punishable by up to a lifetime sentence)? Isn't he the same man whose mantra is "I'm not being rude" right before he belches out some supremely snarky (and rude) comment? So...nothing about giving head or sundance? Nothing? Hmmmm...maybe it's just me.

Thankfully Sundance sang his little head off! In fact, Simon predicted he would make it through the the finals. YAY!! (see below)

Also spotlighted was the Castro/bin Laden/Jesus look-a-like although whether we see him in Hollywood or not will depend on whether our illustrious security screeners at the Memphis airport will let him on the plane. And there was also that backup singer with a shy, demur, wallflower type personality - until she opened her mouth that is. Then she turned into a powerhouse; a siren; a vixen. Damn!!! I fell in love over and over again (ok, I kept hitting rewind which may have something to do with my klutziness. Get it? Falling over and over...oh never mind!)

Of course there were the ghastly parade of those who should have remained in their single and double wides waiting for Dorothy's tornado to make its appearance. For those who love to watch insults flying during this part of the season, they were on full display. Although much less from Simon, Randy and Paula. No, the insults they were a'flyin from the no-talent wanna-be's. I know it makes good TV but dang, do we really need to see looney-toons sing "just like Elvis"? Or hear the screeching voice of "hell no you don't sound like Amaya"? Not really!

Of course, you will, like me, be watching again next time!! Why? Because you can't help yourself! It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion. You want to avert your eyes. You really really do! Trust me I know! I do too! But we can't! We've turned into some horrible cliche! Damn where are Dorothy's ruby slippers?

j.

...kiss...

2007-01-17T14:29:00.000-08:00

Well the follies that are American Idol descended upon us like a blanket - wet in all the wrong spots. You know what I mean don't you? It's January for God's sake...cold all over the place. And so, you grab that blanket to snuggle up in...get yourself all wrapped into it...only to find yourself feel something cold and wet. That's kind of how I felt last night. As the witching hour approached, I didn't know whether to be happy or horrified. In the end, I was a little bit of both.

Jewel looked amazing! Paula wasn't totally out of her mind (that clapping like a sea lion though has got to go...egads!)! Randy had a bit too much make-up on and seemed to have a Simon complex! And Simon, well Simon apparently had dipped into my stash of Valium. He was just too dang nice. Go figure!

I can't say anything about the singing except that after all those agonizing auditions we find out that only 17 people from "Minne-hopeless" with through. I have to tell you, I was right there with Randy about that one guy who warbled his way through something he shouldn't have. Heck, my eardrums were still bleeding when I got up this AM after that gawd-awful attempt at falsetto.

Another annoyance, people who bloviate on and on about how they've got it and then open their mouths to sing - revolting! It's rather like spotting a hot guy across the room, making eye contact, breaking eye contact, making it again, followed by the slow dance to the middle of the room where you find yourself standing next to him, only to have him open his mouth and a purse falls out. Just nasty!!

And speaking of nasty...how many of you guys saw this little interview with Miss Paula earlier this week. OMG Of course, her "people" say she was tired! Tired my aunt fanny!!! She was tore up! Been there! Done that! Although not on TV!

Anyhoo...I'm calling this post "...kiss..." because really that's what I did last night...kissed off 2 hours. Not that I won't do it again next time. Heck, we are talking about American Idol!

Until next time...

Our NEW American Idol

2006-05-25T09:19:00.000-07:00

The red carpet was rolled out and the celebrities arrived in droves. The event? Crowning our new American Idol! Right from the get-go, Taylor seemed like a long shot to win. Heck, listening to Simon at the auditions, one might well have deducted that Taylor wouldn't even be in the final 24, let alone the Grand Finale! But on a night that saw the likes of musical stars Meatloaf, Mary J. Blige and Prince, he emerged the winner...taking home a million bucks, a record contract and the chance to become a star in his own right.

As I watched the stars arrive on the red carpet, I have to admit that I wasn't expecting the kind of show that the producers of American Idol pulled off. Kicking off the show was last year's winner, Country Music Grammy Award Winner, Carrie Underwood who performed with this year's contestants as well as solo. Getting to watch Princess P perform with her idol, Al Jarreau, was a treat. I once again remembered why I liked this little girl so much and, why I think she's got a great career ahead of her. Watching Katharine perform with Meatloaf, I gotta tell you, made me wish that she had performed at this level the entire competition because she would have won. Watching Ms. Toni Braxton perform with Taylor made me wonder who the hell that bright idea was. She was a mess!!! From start to finish! What happened to her? I have loved her dearly but last night she was truly a disaster!

My favorite performance last night brought out the guy I still think should have won the whole dang thing. As Elliott strode out to the sounds of U2's One (one of my favorite songs by the way), I got excited. His voice rang perfection and THEN he introduced none other than Miss Mary J. Blige. Holy Hell!!!! She stormed the stage, bringing her brand of hip hop, soul and gospel to a stage that seriously hasn't ever seen the likes of her. As she and Elliott wrapped up this performance I once again realized that the boy who is deaf in one ear, suffers from juvenile diabeties, is one amazing guy (and it didn't hurt that mom Claudette won the Golden Idol for the Most Touching Family Moment)! I truly wish him the greatest of successes.

Of course it wouldn't have been the Grand Finale without tribute being paid to the wanna-be's and nincompoops who played such a prominent role during the first part of the season. The most surprising part of the night though for me was when that gawd-awful Clay Aiken look-a-like, Michael Sandeski, came out to win his Golden Idol and then, horror of horrors, Ryan asked him to sing. Thankfully we were only tortured for a moment before the real Clay Aiken, new doo and all, strode out and finished the song about going down on someone. How appropriate! By the way, honorable mention goes out to the Brokenote Mountain guys who won the Male Bonding Golden Idol and then performed live...quite decently I might add.

In the end though the night belonged to our new American Idol. And so, following Prince's rather spectacular performances (and "after this break), out strode Ryan to announce with great fanfare that the winner was...yep, you got it...Taylor Hicks! Taylor, we here at Idol Chatter wish you, and the Soul Patrol, the best as you embark on this new chapter of your life!!

And that wraps up this season of American Idol! We here at Idol Chatter will take a much needed break and catch up with you...after the break!

A Kodak Moment

2006-05-24T10:10:00.000-07:00

The culmination of months of weeding finally paid off as our two finalists came out and showed us why (or why not) we should vote for them to become the next American Idol. With the Kodak Theater in Hollywood as the backdrop, it was sure to be a grand night. Sure enough, a quick pan over the audience showed that Tinseltown stars thought the same. I saw Mandy Moore and Paul Reiser, just to name a couple, as well as contestants from previous years. And of course, it wouldn't be a real finale without those who rounded out the final 12 this year...sitting, looking beautiful, but really thinking: "damn those two...I would have made a much better finalist!" (ok...maybe they weren't thinking that, but it's a lot funner to think they were huh?!)

There were the judges, although I've got to say, only Simon seemed to step up to the awesomness of the event by putting on a cashmere jacket. Paula had that look of a drunk deer in the headlights...then again, that's nothing new so we can move on. Randy did manage to up his bling level a bit...otherwise, it was pretty much a normal night. Ryan's stylist this year was working overtime, putting him in the same suit he's worn nearly every night since the finalists took the stage (note to Ryan's stylist...he's been bland and boring this year...what gives?). Then came the big announcement...Taylor won the coin toss (like we cared) and had elected to go second (smart boy). And with that, the music kicked into gear...

Katharine McPhee

Black Horse and the Cherry Tree

As her first song selection, Katharine performed a little number that she did back on May 2nd that got a lot of people hot and bothered. Flanked by two large dark-skinned men beating on drums while she writhed on the stage made for good TV and certainly did a lot to bring in the votes she needed that night, propelling her out of last place. Last night she did a fairly good rendition, albeit standing up. Simon said she was good, with a small "g"...I think he nailed it!

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Watching her perform this a second time, I must admit I was pleasantly surprised. Sitting on the floor, dripping in pearls, she looked and sang like an angel. The song choice, clothing selection, make-up, jewels, etc. should endear her to gay men everywhere (at least those over a certain age who still manage to walk into a crowded bar where immediately a hush falls and the strains of this song waft through the air). Simon gave her Round 2 and it seemed appropriate.

My Destiny

I don't know who Idol hired to write the finalist's first "single" but they should be tarred and feathered then rode out of town on a fail. Who in their right mind would saddle Katharine with this song is just plain ignorant of her vocal abilities. This is not a single that will see playtime, nor should it. I felt sorry for her having to sing that crap. She is so much better than that song that I started to get angry. Honestly...anyone know who wrote it? They should be sent back to wherever it is that no-talent-hacks are sent. Gag me!!

Taylor Hicks

Living for the City

Wearing a jacket that even Simon thought was awful, out came Taylor to rev up the 3,000 strong at the Kodak. And when he was done reprising his performance from Stevie Wonder night, it was a safe bet that Taylor had come to win. Even deducting points for that gawd-awful jacket, Taylor still won this round hands down. In fact, slaughter might be a better word to describe the carnage left in the wake of this performance.

Levon

I've never cringed through a performance of Taylors...until now. Was it just me or did it feel like he never was in sync with the band. In fact, the whole thing sounded shoddy and it was made all the more distinct because he followed the one, truly amazing performance from Katharine. What happened Taylor? When you performed this one the first time, you were simply amazing. This performance was simply mediocre!

Did I Make You Proud?

Again, who the hell wrote this drivel? Sure it was a ever so slightly better song than the one written for Katharine but that's not saying much. YUK YUK YUK It is truly sad that despite all the great songwriters of our time, many of whom have been featured throughout the competition, we are stuck with the writing team of dumb and dumber. Thankfully Taylor can take just about any song and turn it into something more. I still wouldn't expect this song to be a big seller...heck, even the black choir brought in simply could not rev up the Soul Patrol. Slight edge in round three to Taylor...ever so slight!

And then, just when it seemed the night was over...out came Daniel Powter, in white, seated in front of a gleaming grand piano to perform the song American Idol rejects have turned into a hit. As he tinkled the ivories, letting his soothing voice tell us it's ok because everyone has a Bad Day, a video montage played in the background taking us back to the very beginning of it all. We saw the William Hung wanna-bes, those who sucked so bad we couldn't even hate them and then those who actually could carry a tune or two. We watched in fascination as clips of the final 12 were flashed on the screen and at one particular moment it finally hit me who the real winner of American Idol was. It isn't Taylor or Katharine or even Chris. It was the one person who the audience went nuts over when his picture was shone. Yep, you got it right...my boy Elliott! And so I salute the wonder boy who is the real winner...not the official winner...but the real winner. Elliott...it was just a bad day!

Lesson 11 - Somebody has to go

2006-05-18T09:01:00.000-07:00

He never looked the part, but dang, the boy could sing! In the looks department, like Clay Aiken, he has evolved during the competition and become more polished and nearly turned into what America appears to want their Idol to look like. But in the end, it wasn't enough and I'm sad. Elliott was the favorite in my house but, as one person mentioned to me today, it seemed like after Chris left rather unceremoniously last week, that the fight kind of went out of Elliott. You could kind of tell that he was resigned to his fate.

I wanted to be sad for him, but when I looked back on his journey I was amazed. This kid who has lost 90% of his hearing in one ear and faced a host of other physical challenges came a long way. He won us over with his voice, but it was that indomitable spirit that made us fall in love with him. Were his CD to come out today, we'd buy it!

Elliott, we wish you the best in life! Remember, this is only the beginning. In farewell, we echo Simon..."you've made your mum proud!"

Who's Going to the Kodak?

2006-05-17T10:36:00.000-07:00

After a long and strange season, I can finally see the finish line. That’s not to say I can see the winner yet, but…I can see the finish line. Before we get to the grand finale at the Kodak Theater, we’ve got to ditch one of the semi-finalists. Elliott, Katharine and Taylor came out last night and tried to prove to us, using their vocal prowess, why they should be included in the final two. I can’t really fault any of the performances although some were better than others. Of course I have my favorite and even managed to get in about 30 votes for him over a two hour stretch…but it was difficult because three out of every four times I dialed I got a busy signal. Is that a good sign? I hope so…then again, I didn’t check out the other two contestants because…well, I’m sure you can figure that one out.

You guys know I could ramble on-and-on here, but it’s really the music we are here to discuss and so, let’s get down to it…

Elliott Yamin

Open Arms

Clive Davis, the genius of the music world, picked this Journey tune for Elliott and I’ve got to say, I liked it. Simon though seemed to think Elliott needed to loosen up. Bah Humbug!

What You Won’t Do For Love

Paula chose this number for Elliott to showcase “funky white boy” soul and he did a pretty good job. Maybe not his best performance…but he’s still my boy (and apparently Paula’s as well).

I Believe to My Soul

I honestly have never heard this Ray Charles song, but, I thought Elliott knocked it out of the park. It was a little bit different, so it may leave him a bit vulnerable…I hope not! There’s nothing I would like more than to see he and Taylor dueling it out in the finale!

Katharine McPhee

I Believe I Can Fly

Hmmm…well, we know that Katharine is a great singer but when she tries to do these kinds of power ballads she has a tendency to screech a bit, especially on the high notes. Clive Davis may be a genius, but he apparently doesn’t always get it right…this was one of those times!

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Oh come on Simon! Give me a break! Once again I have to say, this is not Gay Idol…it’s American Idol. Sure she kicked some ass on this song (and apparently turned at least one gentleman on enough that he voted like a bazillion times for her), but getting on the floor is played out (thanks Fantasia)…it’s tired and frankly, so was this song selection! I’m a little disappointed in you Simon!

I Ain’t Got Nothing But the Blues

T turned to me last night as she started out on this number and said “she’s goin’ home!” I dunno…she did allright…not as good as the gay song, but all right. If I had my druthers, I’d have Ms. McPhee going home tonight…and after trumping Chris last week, I wouldn’t wonder if his voters don’t punish her for it. We shall see!

Taylor Hicks

Dancing in the Dark

The first Bruce Springsteen song performed by an Idol huh? He did all right ya know…all right…even sounded a bit like the Boss himself. Simon thought it “a bit pale by comparison” and perhaps he’s right. But Taylor showed that he came to win. It didn’t hurt of course that Mr. Davis lobbed an easy one to him!

You Are So Beautiful

Taylor did Joe Cocker proud!! Randy did an excellent job of picking a great number for him. Perhaps Simon is right in his assessment on Jay Leno the other night that Taylor would win it all…he certainly showed up tonight acting like he could and should!

Try a Little Tenderness

Oh holy hell…we watched this performance several times! We even managed to ignore a traffic accident outside of our house to watch this one. WOW! He brought out the big guns. I felt rather like Paula, “I’ve been waiting all season” for this performance!!

Well, obviously Taylor secured his position in the top two. Did Elliott do well enough to lock down the other? Did Katharine sizzle enough to light up the lines? We shall see tonight in the one hour results show! Stay tuned!!

j.

Lesson 10 - S*%# Happens!

2006-05-11T08:52:00.000-07:00

Chris Daughtry

Seriously y'all, I was absolutely speechless last night. The voters lasted night pulled off one of the biggest shockers, actually the biggest shocker, we've seen in the history of American Idol. And yes, let's be honest, this was MUCH bigger than loosing LaToya London. This would have been like loosing Carrie Underwood last season right before the semi-finals.

I, like most of the world, was working off the assumption that Chris was the one to beat. So, I was a little surprised when Ryan put the quarter-finalists in two sets, the highest number of vote getters and the lowest number of vote getters. I was quickly on the phone with our very own correspondent, ~foxy coxy~, as we tried to figure it out. Then bill paying time over, Ryan informs us that Taylor and Elliott are safe (Go Elliott!!). But wait, that leaves Chris and Katharine. Well, we all knew who was going home of that pair. Their faces told the tale...we all knew...

Except that we didn't know at all. My jaw dropped to the floor as I grabbed my phone...only I couldn't talk. All I could do was breath heavily into the phone (she wasn't turned on I can guarantee you) and then watch the utter shock on Chris's face and Katharine's face and...hell, even Simon's face. This was HUGE!

What happened? Is there a lesson to be learned? For the life of me I can't figure one out. Perhaps his fans got complacent and figured he was a shoo-in. Maybe they punished him for putting his underwear business out on display during a family show. I know I'm rambling...but I'm rather shocked. The entire complection of the contest changed last night.

Chris...we are sorry to see you go...boxer briefs and all. I know I say it to all the departing contestants, but we'll see you again fronting a band I'm sure. This is your moment to shine...get over the shock and disappointment of not winning and start busting your butt.

Elvis Saves!

2006-05-10T06:59:00.000-07:00

~foxy coxy~ called me last evening to inform me that Elvis had breathed new life into our favorite show. I figured she was drunk and didn't know what she was talking about...not that she's a lush like Paula, babbling about strange and inconsequential stuff, but honestly saying "Elvis breathed new life" into anything tends to make one appear a little bit Drunk Paula-esqe. When she called me last night, I had just walked in the door from dinner and hadn't had a chance to playback the show (I really do love TiVo). I gotta tell you though, after the show, I had to agree...Elvis may have died on a throne and not a cross, but last night's show made it obvious that he saves (ok...maybe not from sin but certainly from boredom).

There was some disappointment last night with several of the performers but thankfully at least one of the performers showed up determined that to win the whole damn thing. At least one seemed, as Simon said, "manic and desperate." And speaking of manic and desperate, did anyone besides me notice that Priscilla Presley appeared to have been using LaToya Jackson's plastic surgeon...and what was up with that awful, greasy, stringy stuff the color of an ugly eggplant on her head? I've always loved Priscilla, and in fact consider her family since I am related to Elvis (ok...my grandfather was a 6th cousin once removed which isn't exactly close...but hell, it still makes me a relation...sort of...), but ohhh...she was not at her finest hour. Oh, by the way...where is Nikko's CD? I'm still waiting!!

But heck, you don't really care about that...you wanna know who brought their A game and who choked...

Taylor Hicks

Jailhouse Rock

I must agree with Simon here - this was a drunk, wedding singer performance so typical of Taylor. Hmmm...maybe I'm just getting tired of this guy. Sure he's fun, but really, don't you think that a recurring show in an off-strip lounge in Vegas will be the zenith of success for him? Especially with performances like this. But, as I pointed out last night...I have a feeling he'll be in the finals...which doesn't really excite me to be honest.

In the Ghetto

I have to say that this first performance of Taylor's in a long, long time that I really enjoyed. It's a great, great song and he did an outstanding job. Once again, Simon was right in predicting that Taylor's performance was enough to put him through to the semi-finals.

Chris Daughtry

Suspicious Minds

This was a good choice for him but I was distracted...boxer briefs huh? Ryan said it was too much information...ya think?! Like I really care what the guy wears to protect his goodies...oh wait...see my problem...too much information just dumped on me like that distracted from this performance. He could have come out and mumbled this number and most people's minds would have still been back there thinking about his boxer briefs. Two words to the wise Chris...free-ball.

A Little Less Conversation

I could have done without this entire performance. Until he started screaming at us, I thought he was flat. This was BY FAR his worst performance of the season. YUK! By the way, anyone remember the guy from Season 3 (JPL) who couldn't dance (or sing for that matter) who performed this number? Chris, I think, wasn't quite as bad...but that's not saying a lot because if memory serves correctly, JPL got booted for his rendition. Not that Chris has anything to worry about...however...

Elliott Yamin

I Can Dream

As we watched this performance last night, I was reading the show's review by Craig Berman out of Washington D.C. who was shocked that the judges were so fawning over Elliott. As goosebumps set my skin a'tinglin', I was more than a little irritated with Craig, who I usually really like and often agree with, for his assesment of Elliott. Randy said it best about this performance..."you laid it out...that was HOT!"

Trouble

As I listened to both of Elliott's performances last night, I gotta tell you, it was like he was playing a hand of Texas Hold 'Em and had put all his chips into the pot. I mean, this kid came to win the damn thing! And he just kept getting better. I know that there will always be those who won't like him because he's just not pretty enough...well, I say screw you...this boy can blow for days. The real question is...were these two performances enough? I sure as hell hope so!!

Katharine McPhee

Hound Dog/All Shook Up

Huh? Where did that girl who gave us all the McPheever go? Sure, she looked hot...but her singing wasn't enough...period. And at this stage of the game, you can't be bringing the B-side of your record. You gotta be bringin' it! I mean really, it seemed a bit like she...yep, I'm gonna say it...she choked!

Can't Help Falling In Love

I may never be able to hear this song again. Finger-nails on a chalkboard. I forced myself to sit through the misery, hoping against hopes that she would pull it out, but it just got worse. What happened? Honestly...I think her performances last night were awful enough that she could/should go home. Which really, really sucks because I like her a lot!! I rather found myself falling out of love with her.

So...who's in the semi-finals? Here's my pick, in order of their standings according to my reading of the audience:

Taylor Hicks
Chris Daughtry
Elliott Yamin

Whose in your final three?

Bad Day (Daniel Powter)

2006-05-09T14:25:00.000-07:00

BAD DAY (Daniel Powter)

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Lesson 9 - Typical Teen A Disadvantage

2006-05-04T10:14:00.000-07:00

Paris Bennett aka Princess P

Last night was a very difficult one in my house. The neighbor came over for medicinal reasons, stayed for pizza (it was delivery not DiGiornio) and apparently got too relaxed and didn't want to leave thereby interfering with my normal evening of TV watching. And when I say normal, I mean having a good cry when one of my favorite contestants is voted off the show. It really was a sad event made worse by a likeable neighbor who was stuck to my sofa. I'll be honest, I did retreat to my bedroom for little cursing (damn American Idol voters) and then, with that out of the way, I began my struggle to figure out why this cute little girl with a future that is limitless would be sent packing while others (i.e. the wedding singer) are still around.

Then sometime in the wee hours of the morning, it hit me...indigestion that is. And so there I sat, on the throne, at 2am playing solitaire on my handy little electronic game thingy-ma-jigger when I suddenly gave birth...to a thought. You see, Paris is a typical 17 year old. She's still figuring out life. Heck, until recently, she didn't even want to be a performer, but somewhere along the line her heritage and talent proved too strong and so she showed up to audition and she's consistently blown us away. The problem though is that as a teenager, who is the most teenager of any ever on the show, she is/was still searching for her niche. Her song selection - her clothing selection (heck, she could have lost for that hideous outfit she wore for her second number the other night) - her wigs - all changed with great frequency, leaving we the voters with the feeling that we never really got to know her. Thankfully, the thing that has never changed about her is that amazing voice - both of them in fact - one that sounds like Minnie Mouse and the other who sounds a young Aretha.

This talented little girl will go far I predict! Just you wait!

Good luck Princess P - the Paris in my house blew you a kiss last night. He's sad!

Two for the $$

2006-05-03T09:51:00.000-07:00

I'd like to take a moment and say "See, people really do pay attention to little ole' me!" Last week I casually mentioned that it appeared to me that Ms. McPhee had a slight wardrobe malfunction. I don't follow American Idol blogs (besides my own of course), but I have a feeling there was probably a bit of chatter about her little faux paux. However, my people over at Fox entertainment (shout out to Dorothy Lucey at Fox 11) never seemed to report on this, at least while I was watching which is admittedly not a whole lot, and since not even the smallest piece of dirt escapes them, I figured I must have been the only one who reported on the incident. How surprised was I last night then to hear the man whose opinion matters as much as the price of tea in Uzbekistan, start chattering about a "wardrobe malfuntion." I knew it wasn't the weed!

Having gotten that out of the way, let's chat a bit about last night. We are now to a place in the competition where we are treated to not one, but two numbers by each contestant. And, we even get wardrobe changes. Woo Hoo!! Problem is that all the contestants only provided us with one good number. Why is it that evertime there's a little change on the show, the contestants seem to be playing catch up? Didn't they have warning for a while that there would be two songs? Well, apparently change is hard! That's not to say that it was a total waste last night because there were some good performances. And, to be honest, this week is by far the worst week for me so far in the competition because I don't know who will go home. I know who I would like to go home, but I don't see it happening. Which leaves me with alternatives I'm not too fond of.

But, enough of the chatter...let's get down to what really matters...the music...

Elliott Yamin

On Broadway

Birthyear - 1978: Not his greatest performance and it left me a little queazy because the last contestant to sing this number was sent packing the next night (remember Scott Savol?).

Home

Well, he sang this song by Michael Buble really well, and, like Randy, I was glad to see a tender side to him. This particular song is a bit boring though which didn't do Elliott any favors. And, it's never a good omen when you sing about wanting to go home. I'm scared for this kid!

Paris Bennett

Kiss

Birthyear -1988: Holy Hell! I was already out of highschool when this child was born. I'm getting old I guess. We all know and love this song by Prince and Princess P did just ok. I was not impressed or unimpressed. Bored is more like it.

Be Without You

I love Mary J. Blige and Paris did a pretty good job of representing. Paris is now the youngest contestant on the show and while she has a wealth of experience, I sort of getting the feeling that she's still a kid and doesn't quite have the maturity of the other contestants (ok...maybe not Taylor). She could go this week and honestly, I'd be very sad. Not shocked...but sad!

Scott Stapp - ummm, I mean Chris Daughtry

Renegade

Birthyear -1979: For those who don't know, Scott Stapp is (was) the lead vocalist for the band Creed. Chris does a remarkable job, week after week, of showing us that he is cut out for the somewhat out of date genre that Creed helped to popularize. He did ok with this song...actually probably the second best performance of the night. But still...I'm tiring of him!

I Dare You

Ok, I've never heard this song before. I don't know who Shinedown is and frankly could care less. I do know that Chris should have blown this song out of the water. Instead he sounded like a cat trying to clear multiple hairballs. Thanks to those on-top-of-it judges, Chris did receive good cover (voice giving out) he didn't really need anyway as we all know he's safe for a while longer.

Katharine McPhee

Against All Odds

Birthyear - 1984: I've heard several people say that this was absolutely the worst performance of the night. ~foxy coxy~ and I are in complete agreement. She should have NAILED this Phil Collins number! At least she looked hot!

Black Horse and the Cherry Tree

I have never heard this song before last night and couldn't tell you who the hell KT Tunstall is but damn, this was in fact my favorite performance of the night. I replayed it over and over and over and over. I have the McPheever by the time she was done. That little number, in my humble opinion, secured her a spot in the final four.

Taylor Hicks

Play That Funky Music

Birthyear - 1976: ~foxy coxy~ called to tell me she was through, through, through with the wedding singer. I agree! But I don't think he'll go home. So many bar and bat mitzvah's to perform drunk (or stoned) for and yet, we the American Idol voters, are keeping him from his calling.

Something

I'm sorry to sound confused here, but I thought the second number was supposed to be from one of the current Billboard charts. What Billboard chart did Taylor pull a 35 year old song by the little known band the Beatles from? Huh? Tell me! It was an ok performance I'll admit but it drove a point home for me that Taylor, as fun as he is, is really just a bar singer whose time on Idol has come. Unfortunately, I don't think the majority of American Idol voters will agree.

Someone has to go this week and I'd like for it to be Taylor because I think his usefullness to the show has come to a crashing halt. It won't be and I'm now forced to say that it will either be Elliott or Paris...neither of whom deserve to go home just yet. I did manage to get in about 50 votes for Elliott last night and I feel pretty certain that ~foxy coxy~ got in more than her allotted 3 per minute in. Now, I don't know if that's an actual bar laid down by Idol phone people, but ~foxy coxy~ in her something-induced haze last night, proceeded to tell me.

So...who do you think should go tonight?

Lesson 8 - Losing Your Confidence Sucks!

2006-04-27T09:26:00.000-07:00

The very first time that Pickler showed up on my American Idol radar I liked her. That small-town-girl full of wide-eyed innocence that had a voice truly caught my attention. Eventually we came to know her as the "naughty little minx" (even though she was clueless as to what it meant) who could get down on all fours and growl turning the heat up on every hot blooded American boy. I've affectionately dubbed her a "ho" and I know that some have taken exception to this, but in some ways it's fitting. I think because she's from a little bitty town all there was for her to do was flirt or sing...she mastered both. We loved her for it.

Unfortunately, she royally screwed up a song two weeks ago..."butchered it" were her words and I think she lost her confidence. The other night it didn't show up and in the end, that is what did her in. It seemed like she had lost that naivete that we loved about her. She looked lost all together during her performance the other night. Not to fear though...this girl has a future...and not just under some greasy auto mechanic in BFE...just you watch! Heck, if Tucker can pull down a slot on the OC...already...then I predict big things from little miss Pickler. Who knows...perhaps even a spread in Playboy! Now wouldn't that be exciting?!

Wardrobe Malfunction Alert!

2006-04-26T13:37:00.000-07:00

I'm home today trying to forget that I have a touch of the flu or something like that and as such, I've had opportunity to hear the talking heads go on ad nauseam about last night's show. It appears to be the general consensus that the show sucked. Heck, that came even from people who's opinion I might actually value. Honestly, I didn't remember it being that bad, and so I decided to watch again. Following the re-watch, I still feel like I did last night; there was one great performance; a really good performance; three ok performances; and one that was just hideous. What absolutely NO ONE is talking about is what appeared to me to be a wardrobe malfunction. On most performance nights we often find McPheever wearing something really sexy. It's not that she needs to distract us from her voice, it's just her style. Last night she looked stunning with those amazing boobs out on display. But did anyone else notice a little twirl on the stage that allowed her slit to breeze open and show us the forbidden treasure down under? Sure, the treasure was covered but still...talk about risque. Maybe she was nervous about being stuck in a slot that seems to send everyone home. But listen girl, with a voice like that, you don't need to put your goodies on display ala Pickler (who needs all the help she can get). That's not to say I was offended by the rather graphic display...because I wasn't. I'm just sayin...

Having said that, I feel that I can now, with clearer mind, talk about the performances last night. For our honorary coaches we were treated to perhaps the best male vocalist in the world, Andrea Bocelli and legendary music producer David Foster. Unfortunately, as great as these two men are, the theme for this night did nothing to jazz up what turned out to be a sappy, insipid show. Thankfully we had Elliott who, if ~foxy coxy~ and I have anything to do with it, will be around a long, long time. I haven't heard the final vote tally from ~foxy coxy~ but I do know that Elliott got a grand total of 18 votes from my house.

Having gotten all the inconsequential stuff out of the way, let's talk about the actual performances...

Katharine McPhee - I Have Nothing

It's no secret that this girl can sing and that she is loved, almost with an everlasting love...but come on...Simon's right, she ain't no Whitney Houston. Not even close! And to open the show with that number just didn't work. The sad thing is, if history is any indication, she might actually go home. When 9:25p ET rolls around, what ya wanna bet she's gonna be on-stage crappin' bricks?!

Elliott Yamin - A Song For You

WOW! Homeboy just keeps getting better and better! Paula cried, Simon laughed at her, but then once again gave Elliott the ultimate compliment. The true music lover/critic in my house is chomping at the bit to go out and buy this guy's CD. I'd put last night's performance in my iPod! I'm still a bit scared for him though as his "personality" just hasn't been allowed to show as much as some of the other performers. It was nice to get the little rap session with him though and it was especially cool to see him give props to Donnie Hathaway (daughter Kenya's a hottie huh?!). Hopefully this guy'll be around for the BIG night!

Kellie Pickler - Unchained Melody

There's only so much you can teach a ho to do and she's hit the bottom of the barrell when it comes to singing. She may be brilliant at using her mouth for other things...but I'm done with the singing part. Heck, I'm done with that cutsie, affected, trailer-park ignorance that some want to chalk up to naivete. Last night's performance was so bad, in my humble opinion, they could just pack her up now without making us sit through another bad "results" show. The really disturbing thing is that I don't see her going home anytime soon. That's the real heartbreak of the show!

Paris Bennett - The Way We Were

Pickler's awful performance was sandwiches between one great and one good performance. Paris was good! But I couldn't help but think that the song selection just didn't work. Memories? From Streisand? What is this...70s Gay Idol? Don't get me wrong...she did a good job but like Simon, I thought it was just a bit old-fashioned for her. Old-fashioned enough that it might just send her home tonight. That would be a travesty of justice in my opinion...but one that is the most likely to play out tonight. Her memories after tonight may well be "the way we were" when she thinks of Idol.

Taylor Hicks - Just Once

On paper, this should have been a great song choice for Taylor. It wasn't. I was completely underwhelmed. Bring back the old Taylor...the one I like...the one that could win it all. Not this sappy Taylor...puhleez!!!

Chris Daughtry - Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman?

You could feel the rocker trying to break out of sappy love song hell on this number. It was good...really good! Not as good as Elliott...but good! This guy is in no danger what-so-ever!! And by the way...didn't you get the feeling that he really has "loved a woman"? In fact, I can think of several who wish he would love on them a little bit...even a fellow or two. Great ending for an otherwise ho-hum night!

Well, with the exception of the brief glimpse of McPheever treasure chest, the tears from Paula, and the music cueing up before Simon was done cutting little Miss Thing down to size, the night was pretty much a yawner. Who's coming up with these themes? Do I bitch about this every year or is it just this one? Perhaps it's completely inconsequential because I, like 30+ million others, keep on watching and voting. Don't look at me like that...you do to...admit it!

Lesson 7 - Sex Appeal Eventually Loses Its Appeal

2006-04-20T09:46:00.000-07:00

Ace Young

The gods be praised...we finally got rid of this most annoying of singers. We should have lost this guy a while ago, but America's obsession with anything that has dimples and bedroom eyes has clearly been in play. No question that Ace is a good looking guy and knows how to play to the camera. In fact, I see a great career for him in front of the camera. He's a natural born Soap actor. But his musical prowess just isn't there. And, even though we as American's love the ones that makes us quiver or swoon, if they can't back all the sex appeal up with real talent we get bored with them. Ace is only the latest in a long, long line of pretty faces lacking even a modicum of talent.

On another note...did anyone hear his little burble regarding going on tour with the top ten and meeting his fans? What the hell was that all about? I wonder if he lives up to the stereotype of pretty people in Hollywood (not so bright)? Well...I'm sure we'll have enough time to figure that out as I have a feeling he'll extend his 15 minutes of fame far beyond the reaches of his talent. And maybe, just maybe, that makes him just a little smarter than I want to give him credit for.

Thankfully..."That's All" from the guy whose looks far exeeded his talent!

Au revoir (it was that hair that made me say it)!!

Standards...Born Again

2006-04-19T10:33:00.000-07:00

When I first heard that Rod Stewart was to be on the show, I was honestly quite put off. I mean, enough already right? Old fogies, well past their prime, really don't belong on a show that is attempting to choose our next, young, hot American Idol, right? We've already had the barely alive members of Queen...the face pulled back so tight he didn't look like himself, Kenny Rogers...I mean really enough already! As the day progressed though, I began to get this feeling like it was just might be a good day...there was an expectancy or something. Perhaps it was the eargerly awaited arrival of Suri (invitro baby) born to that classic closet case Tom Cruise (and his totally brainwashed "finance"...yeah right really...how long will that last...anyone care to place a bet) yesterday. Perhaps it was because (poetic justice this), his arch-nemesis Brooke Sheilds also gave birth yesterday. Perhaps it was because Rod and finance recently gave birth. New life has a way of making old new again. Plus, Rod isn't trying to resurrect his "glory" days...no...he's been breathing new life into the great old standards. On top of that, the contestants weren't being asked to perform any of his old schtick...thankfully...can you imagine what a debacle that would have been? Nearly as bad as last week right?

No...last night was all about the standards that we've all known and loved our entire lives. As I sat down to watch, I didn't have that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach I expected to have. I felt alive...like I was watching the slow, strange birth of the newest baby to be spit out of the American Idol womb. Maybe it was all the baby talk in the air. Whatever it was, the contestants felt it too and they sang their little hearts out. In fact, I pretty much liked them all. Ok, Pickler spent too much time on her knees this week and not enough time giving birth to an amazing performance (ok even a substandard performance would have done). Ace spent too much time on his hair and wardrobe to really give us anything besides his standard fare. Otherwise, heck, the stage was filled with star performers and performances. It was a good night. In fact, I actually felt proud to be an Idol fan.

But, enough of the blather...I too have given birth (no silly, not that kind of birth)...I've give birth to some thoughts about last night's perfomances...

Chris Daughtry - What a Wonderful World

We knew eventually that Chris was going to have to have some kind of performance other than the one he's had the past umpteenth weeks. Chris is good you know...heck, he might even win the thing. But his performances have gotten stale. That's why he was smart this week to listen to Simon's advice and change it up. And guess what, it worked. Gone was the eye makeup and grunged out look. In came a softer, sexier Chris. Wonderful indeed!

Paris Bennett - These Foolish Things

This girl hardly ever looks foolish on stage. In fact, she looks like a dang natural. I honestly think her mom gave birth to her on a stage. And as a side note, wasn't it cute to see her bawling her eyes out while watching her little girl spend a little time with Rod and family? Even dabbing her eyes with that bejeweled hand (did ya see the size of that rock...holy heck?!). But I digress! Paris showed that she's in this thing to win. I wouldn't say she gave Billie Holliday a run for her money or anything...then again, she didn't sound like a cheap, highschool imitation either. And hey Simon...I actually like to hear her talk, even if she does sound like Minnie Mouse's little neice.

Taylor Hicks - You Send Me

Honest opinion: Had Taylor sang the second half like he sang the first half, I would have been willing him to go home. The first half could have been performed by the 7 year old Paris in my house in one of his impromtu shower performances. Simon said "lame cabaret"...how tacky (but true). Thankfully Taylor pulled out all the stops and performed that second half magically. Inspired!

Elliott Yamin - It Had To Be You

Here's where Elliott's looks (or lack thereof) and personality (definiately lack thereof) might start to have a detrimental effect on his longevity in regards to American Idol. Sure he sang all right...but it wasn't one of his best performances. It was just "awright" as Randy is so fond of saying. For the first time, I wouldn't feel bad if Elliott wasn't in the competition any more. Not that I would feel good...but I just don't feel like it has to be him that wins it all.

Kellie Pickler - Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

Good Gawd! What to say about this performance? Lose one word out of the title and that's how I felt (if you can't figure out which word then you obviously didn't watch her butcher this little number). It sucked and not in the good way that she's use to hearing when someone says she "sucks"! It just sucked! The only positive that can be said is that at least she realized it was downright awful. Hey...she had on good shoes (said so herself)...and that will be enough to save her cute little ass from the frying pan.

Ace Young - That's All

That title should describe Ace's time with us! I mean it was a better performance than many (many) he has given us...but come on. And what's up with Randy AND Paula (ok...Paula not a shock) saying that his falsetto is his money maker? I wanna puke every time I hear him do a bad imitation of the sound Michael Jackson makes when he zeroes in on a good kid to grope. And another thing...dude, that hair was just down right nasty. Really...that's all!!

Katharine McPhee - Someone to Watch Over Me

What a perfect song choice for baby night! And what a perfect song for this oh so hot chickee poo! Seriously y'all!! The McPheever inducer should stick with the Standards because it's where she shines the most! I don't particularly think she made Paris look like an amateur, but she certainly made some of the others look like amateurs. No wonder mom (her's not mine) was in tears after that performance. Watching all that hard work payoff...heck, mom started seeing dollar signs after that performance. Somebody's for sure watching over this one!

Bucky Covington

I'm sad to see this guy go...but hey, like he said in an interview, "somebody had to" and it might has well have been him.

ManDIVA

I'm all about faith! I'm all about letting people know that I'm all about faith! But I kinda feel like the big girl overplayed her faith a little. There's still a big ole' stage out there for ya though!

Lisa Tucker

The amazing performance we were all waiting for never materialized...sucks cuz some people knew it was in there. To use a good sports analogy...you choked girl!

Kevin Covais aka Squishy aka Chicken Little

Well, CL, you made your dad proud! I'm equally proud to be able to say you are outta here

Melissa McGhee

She’s gone…gone…gone…and I miss her! She was sexy, sultry and a whole host of other descriptive “s’s”…but you guys booted her, damn you!

And so ended a night of the Standards that were most recently dredged up and put onto Rod Stewart's latest CD(s). He's already sold 16 million copies of the Standards albums and I expect him...with all my heart...to double that within the next couple of days. But besides the crass commercialism that is American Idol, this week it was nice to feel in the "family" way so to speak. Like we really are expecting and next month will give birth. At least this way we get to pick what our baby will sound and look like.

Until next time y'all...keep those votin' figures healthy!

j.

Lesson 6 - Your best ain't always good enough

2006-04-13T10:12:00.000-07:00

Bucky Covington

Y'all know I really liked this guy from Raleigh, North Carolina a lot. Not because he was the best singer or performer because he wasn't and isn't. But there was something about his raw, unadulterated voice that endeared him to me...even when I couldn't understand what the hell he was saying (which was most of the time). Honestly, he got farther in the competition that perhaps he should have and that's ok...heck, one has to look no further than Ace Young to see that sometimes there are other factors keeping a contestant around longer than their talent should allow.

I am sorry to see him go, but it was the right time. His best wasn't enough to win the thing. Sure, every week it will be harder and harder to see the ones I really like start to leave but that's part of the game. Deal with it! It ain't like Bucky's going back to painting cars!

A Night of Queens

2006-04-12T08:54:00.000-07:00

Once again we are "treated" (and I use that word oh so lightly) to another night of songs from has-beens who we could care less about. Freddy is dead (tragically yes...but still dead). The two remaining band members who are attempting to bring arena rock back, Queen style, are geezers who looked completely like they were clueless as to what was going on. I'm beginning to wonder what the producers or those who choose the themes are thinking. Can you imagine ANY of these guys recording one of their performances from last night? (Don't strain your brain...it's a gimme!) Probably the most entertaining part of the night was the game I played with ~foxy coxy~ trying to figure out the make-up artist behind some of the worst make-up in the show's history. I would like to give a shout out to Jessica Rabbit's make-up artist who came out of retirement and brought Jessica's comic book make-up to life on at least one contestant last night. Watching the McPheever inducer perform last night, I felt quite certain that her make-up had it's own entourage. And what about Chris Daughtry's eyes? Oh, and was it just me, or was there a very bizarrely anemic attempt at recreating a big arena feel when it came to lighting?

Having said that, I must say that with the exception of one exceedingly bad performance (fingernails on a chalk-board), the kids did a decent job of covering music they didn't grow up with and probably never heard unless they've made an appearance at any sporting event or watched Constantine perform Bohemian Rhapsody last season. And so, without further ado...here's the Queen's review...

Bucky Covington - Fat Bottomed Girls

So Bucky decided to do a shout-out to Mandisa. Who can blame him! Lord knows, seems like Fat Bottomed Girls are in vogue these days. Bucky's a good hearted guy you know and his shout-out may have just widened (no pun intended) his appeal to the big booty girls. Heck, I know several who were more than impressed with his performance this week. Astonishing I know! Was it good enough to stay in for another week? Hmmmm...that's a tough one seeing as he went first...then again, the boy seems to have a power voting block that continues to save his skinny little white boy bottom. Bottom three? Sure! Out? That's a tougher call.

Ace Young - We Will Rock You

Simon said quite simply that he "really, really, really, really hated" it! I couldn't agree more! It was excruciatingly bad! I cringed during the entire performance. Heck, I couldn't even look at him and that made me wonder something...Ace's appeal has always been his sexy-come-hither looks, but what happens when he's so bad we can't even look at him? His looks have always over-powered his voice...always! What that has done is basically keep him solidly in the bottom three (with the exception of last week's debacle) but not far enough down to to be out. Based on this week's performance I think we've seen the last of the Smoldering Idol. YUCK!

Kellie Pickler - Bohemian Rhapsody

Pickler is a ho! An adorable, dim-witted, pick-up truck-cristening, bar-top riding ho! Don't believe me, then check out the prom dress Miss Thing wore to her prom. Still don't believe me. Then replay last night's performance when she got down on all fours and growled at every red-blooded American boy. Heck...what's not to love? She may not be the best singer, but I'd say she's spent enough time down on all fours (throw in a stipper pole for good measure) that she'll continue to stay out of the bottom three. Heck, she came out swinging last night! Way to go Pickler! I wonder who else voted with the other head this week?

Chris Daughtry - Innuendo

First comment made when Christ walked onto the stage..."What's up with those eyes?" Yep, Chris decided to join the ranks of the make-up challenged last night. It was an arresting look for sure and endeared him (along with that package the Professor recently pointed out) to a whole lot of race fans ('er...sorry, gay fans). However, he chose to sing a song nobody knows (or at least remembers) and he did it with his signature style that is growing increasingly tiring. I'm not sure this performance, coupled with his past few performances, won't put in the bottom three this week. Simon was right, Chris past up an opportunity to wow us...instead he just stunned us.

Katharine McPhee - Don't Stop Me Now

When did Jessica Rabbit's make-up artist come out of retirement? WOW! That song title sounds like something Jessica would perform and combined with those eyes and lips that literally had a life all their own, I was a little non-plused. The performance wasn't really all that hot for me either...maybe I was just too hung up on the similarities between her look and Jessica Rabbit's...maybe? For some reason, I don't think there's anything going to stop the McPheever inducer from showing up in the bottom two again this week.

Elliott Yamin - Somebody to Love

I hate to say it, but homeboy has a face that only his mother could love. And he's got dance moves reminiscent of the Sadie Hawkins dance in 7th grade. BUT as the Serentiy Prayer has taught us, we've learned to accept the things we cannot change! Because DAMN...the boy can sing! Somebody to Love indeed? Who doesn't love him after that performance (dancing not withstanding)?

Taylor Hicks - Crazy Little Thing Called Love

Ok...serious question here...Crazy Little Thing Called Love was a Queen song? Really? Did I miss something? WOW! All this time I thought Elvis or somebody equally notorious wrote/performaned that diddy. Never in my wildest dreams (not that I really care) did I think this came from the land of the Queens. After doing a quick Google, I found out I was a little lacking in my musical history. But, back to Taylor and his performance...I liked it...it was vintage Taylor Hicks and I'm certain the audience loved it because he got the most love from them of any of the artists last night. Crazy is right...like a fox!

Paris Bennett - The Show Must Go On

Y'all know I love my little Paris, but I felt like Simon last night when he said "I found it all a little weird." She looked hot and, Randy/Paula were right when they said she "worked it out" but I didn't feel like this was a strong night for her. I blame the producers for giving us, for two weeks now, genre's that don't showcase the contestant's strengths. Dang y'all, last week Paris was in the bottom three...I don't think she will be again this week...but it's too close for comfort! Whose ass do I have to kick to get the show back on track huh? Who? Paris...the show will go on for you...but the producers aren't doing you any favors with this drivel!

ManDIVA
I'm all about faith! I'm all about letting people know that I'm all about faith! But I kinda feel like the big girl overplayed her faith a little. There's still a big ole' stage out there for ya though!

Lisa Tucker
The amazing performance we were all waiting for never materialized...sucks cuz some people knew it was in there. To use a good sports analogy...you choked girl!

Kevin Covais aka Squishy aka Chicken Little
Well, CK, you made your dad proud! I'm equally proud to be able to say you are outta here

Melissa McGhee
She’s gone…gone…gone…and I miss her! She was sexy, sultry and a whole host of other descriptive “s’s”…but you guys booted her, damn you!

Well, a night of Queen's promised to rock us...and they did a reasonable job. But really y'all, it's time to lay off signing up broke-down talent that needs their careers boosted. I'm sure Barry Manilow, Kenny Rogers and now Queen all loved the bump they've seen in music sales...but...I'm over it. And ~foxy coxy~ agrees...even though her Prozac dosages are so strong she can't get out of her fuzzy pink houserobe and powder blue house slippers long enough to do anything more than phone in her comments. Heck...after last night's session...we may see the advent of audio blogging.

As always...your comments are greatly encouraged!

j.

Lesson 5: Personal faith can be overplayed

2006-04-06T08:43:00.000-07:00

Mandisa

Really, what is there to say about the complete and total shocker that was last night's American Idol results show. Then again, maybe it's not as big a shocker as we think. Sure, the bottom three was filled with contestants who had never been there before. Paris, Elliott and Mandisa all had voices we thought we take them sailing all the way into the finals. And yet, something went horribly wrong last night. Mandisa certainly has/had one of the best voices in the competition and yet her song selections lately have sucked. Sure this week was country and to be expected, but one has to wonder if perhaps Mandisa didn't get just a little bit too preachy for the tastes of most folks and paid the ultimate price. Then again, I wouldn't be too sorry for her...for some reason I feel a record deal already in the works.

We're sorry to see you go because we knew there really was a bigger stage out there for you (and no...not the way Simon meant it either). Gone but not forgotten.

The Roasted Chicken Guy?

2006-04-05T09:18:00.000-07:00

First, it should noted that it is my understanding that Kenny Rogers is best known now for his chain of chicken restaurants (which I've never frequented). He's also quite well known to many of us in and around LA as the spokesperson for some Casino (Barona Valley I think). He's not the first person then that would come to mind when it comes to a country music legend...even if he has sold 105 million records.

Second, I would like to point out that Kenny Rogers isn't really a country music singer...more like an amalgam of country, muzak, adult contemporary and any other over-the-hill kind of genre that is used to put people to sleep. Yes, he has written some hits for some legendary stars and had a couple of hits that actually have stayed in people's memories (remember Islands in the Stream w/ Dolly Parton) but really, unless you are in your 50s, I've come to the conclusion that it's doubtful you will really remember him.

And third, ask yourself...since you last saw him, has his appearance changed noteably? You noticed too huh?! Well, he use to look a lot like Kenny Rogers...now he looks a lot like my Uncle Jim. It's a good look on both of them. But I was left confused because (as you saw above) I have only a vague recollection of Kenny Rogers and then to hear all this talk about music, country music, but be looking at my Uncle Jim left me feeling uneasy (if you know my Uncle you know he absolutely cannot sing...nor should he).

And so, off American Idol sailed into country night. Let's get real...it started off crappy and never got any better. There were several performances that interested me ever so slightly such as Elliott, Pickler (weird huh?!) and Chris. The rest sucked and based off of their performances last night could just go home. But...thankfully, most people will not be judged off of last night's performances.

I think because of their country background, both Pickler and Bucky needed to have really big nights. Pickler sang an old Reba song and I rather liked it, even though I still find her performances rather reminiscent of a bar hag who sings straight time until goosed at which point she slings her hair around and growls a little bit. Bucky, whose voice I really like, bored me to tears last night...then again, so did practically everyone else. Just goes to show that most of these guys weren't cut from the country cloth...then again, neither was I.

I know I should have a bottom three and maybe even pick someone to go home. Heck, it could be anyone. One has to wonder though just how many chances Ace has in him. Can he make it through another bottom 3? And what about Elliott...can he stay out of the bottom 3 on musicality alone? What about Mandisa...aren't you just a little bored with her too? And Bucky...country was supposed to be his big shining moment and yet, it seemed dull...was it enough to keep him out of the bottom 3 though? I guess I should have watched a little better...but I didn't...

On a side note...can someone PLEASE communicate to the producers that we've had it with Ryan's little digs at the judges. Ryan is nothing more than the pretty little MC...he shouldn't have an opinion. He is NOT a music judge. He's a pretty face...nothing more! Please shut him the HELL up! Oh...and one has to wonder, what were you thinking signing Paula to another three seasons?!

Lesson #4: You Gotta Have a Hook!

2006-03-30T10:49:00.000-08:00

Lisa Tucker

My bottom 3 included Tucker, but what a shock to see the one and only McPheever inducer as the second lowest vote getter. Heck...even Pickler and Bucky got more votes. I'm confused and then some. However, we did get it right this week when it came to Tucker. I've been calling for her ouster for a long time because, even though the Professor may be right, she just hasn't been a star. Her personality has lagged and her performances just haven't impressed. I guess that's the thing...when you get to Hollywood, you need a hook and unfortunately for Tucker, she just didn't have one.

My advice for Ms. Tucker: Broadway Baby!!!

Indulgent

2006-03-29T08:57:00.000-08:00

So here's the deal, I'm not even sure I should be giving a wrap up of this week's performances. The reason: with the exception of two of the performances, they sucked. Simon used the word indulgent twice (maybe more). If last night was to show that these up-and-coming "stars" could hang with the big boys and girls, then we were sadly disappointed. Instead they chose to sing songs that they liked and didn't even do that very well. Perhaps they were a bit over-confident coming off of last week...but dang y'all...what a waste! Indulgent? Yes...once again, Simon was dead on. Funny thing, even fawning Paula couldn't find a lot good to say...even about the favorites. Thankfully the show closed with one solid performance...opps, not totally solid...that dancing was awful, but otherwise, if last night was the biggee...I'd give the crown either to the girl who gives a whole lot of us McPheever or...Elliott, even if he looks like he could be Backyard BBQ Idol or My Favorite Karoke Bar Idol!

Because last night sucked, I'll keep the reviews short...here goes...

Lisa Tucker – Because of You

The Professor keeps saying she's got a great performance in the que. Problem is, I think she won't be around to pull it off. The odds are against her: (i) first up; (ii) consistently in the bottom 3; and (iii) crappy performance of a song I like. C-YA!

Kellie Pickler – Suds in a Bucket

Boring! They didn't even allow her to put the Pickler personality on display. Thankfully! Because honestly, I'm a little tired of it! On a positive note...her make-up artist obviously took the hints of many, many people (including the Professor) and toned down the spackle!

Ace Young – Drops of Jupiter

So you've got a permanent scar on your perfectly chisled chest and it got Paula hot and bothered. Big Woo!! You sucked last night and no amount of smoldering looks can change that. Bottom 3 once again!

Taylor Hicks – Trouble

If a woman gave me that much Trouble, you can be darn sure I wouldn't be standing in one place on the stage looking a bit constipated. Granted, it was kind of cool to see that Hicks can actually stand still...but at the same time, it felt like something was missing!

Mandisa – Wanna Praise You

I expecte more! I love this song by Mary Mary and apparently so does Ms. disa, even saying she had performed it a ton of times in church. I don't think she did very well and for once I actually wanted to turn something I really love (the song and Mandisa) off.

Chris Daughtry– What If

What if that performance actually landed this guy in the bottom 3? It was too much! Seriously! I think the Professor's comments from last week were starting to be echoed with the judges this week. Incredibly indulgent indeed!

Katharine McPhee – The Voice Within

She looked amazing! She sounded pretty dang good comparatively. Heck, she even sounded a lot like Ms. Aquilara herself. This hottie who ilicits McPheever in so many of us, didn't turn down the heat this week...then again, she didn't turn it up either.

Bucky Covington – Real Good Man

Well, what to say about this performance? It wasn't necessarily bad. It wasn't particularly good. Is it enough to keep him around? Hard to say! However, I think, given Lisa's placement and her consistently bad performances, Bucky might get a repreive. Then again, last week I quite naturally assumed she would go away...

Paris Bennett – Work It Out

I know I'm supposed to like this particular Beyonce song, but it's not one of my favorites. If I was Paris I would have chosen any one of the other Beyonce songs that would have more naturally showcased her voice and allowed some fun and dance moves. This song didn't really do it for me...but, as Randy often says "you worked it out!"

Elliott Yamin – I Don't Wanna Be

Elliott doesn't have the look! He doesn't really have the moves. But dang, the boy's got the voice! Such a quandry to put us all in! Shall we be shallow and judge on looks or shall we overlook them understanding that braces and a touch up here or there could make him look like we really want him too? I know what we are supposed to do...but...

Kevin Covais aka Squishy aka Chicken Little

Well, CK, you made your dad proud! I'm equally proud to be able to say you are outta here!

Melissa McGhee

She’s gone…gone…gone…and I miss her! She was sexy, sultry and a whole host of other descriptive “s’s”…but you guys booted her, damn you!

My bottom three includes at least 5 of the performers last night. I know, I know...mathmatically impossible you say...but...having said that, I think that this will in fact be the week we finally bid adieu to Ms. Tucker. Right up until she made the final 12 she's been loved...either we stopped loving her OR she just hasn't stepped up to the plate. Either way, we are left consistently disappointed in her performances. It even seemed that she's starting to affect the other contestants.

Well y'all, just reliving last night was a drag! Watch tonight though...Shakira, that rump shaking Latina hottie will be performing. Heck, I'll watch for no other reason!

Straight up now call me

2006-03-26T11:36:00.000-08:00

If this as floating around the internet, I'd be pill popping drunk myself...oh, wait...

Lesson 3: Cute Don't Cut It!

2006-03-23T10:13:00.000-08:00

Kevin Covais aka Squishy aka Chicken Little

Last night, as a family, we sat down and re-watched Tuesday night's performances. We were unanimous in our final three. We were also unanimous that Chicken Little had one of his better performances. Sure, like Lisa, you rather felt like you were sitting through the High School Musical (pick one, any one), but it's hard not to like this kid. When the bottom three was announced at 9p (for those of us on the West Coast), we compared against our bottom three and wonder of wonders, they were identical. To be honest, we thought it would be Lisa that would go home (I mean come on...did you see what she was wearing?), but we weren't really shocked to see little Kevin being sent packing. A little sad...but not shocked. Cute can only go so far!!

Chicken Little, you made your dad proud...heck, you made us all proud! We salute you!

Plastered Paula Power Pilates

2006-03-22T12:11:00.000-08:00

Real quick:

Love: Mandisa, Chris (although Coldplay called and want their sound/look/angst back), Katharine (note to the producers and stage managers: When giving the admittedly rough lumps of coal directions, please try to stop them hitting their marks with a cheese-eatin' stance and accompanying smile, it's aggravating and inherantly false), and Elliot.

Meh: Kevin Covais, Taylor Hicks, Lisa Tucker (although her outfit was distractingly bad, her vocals were off and her song choice was REAL SUCKY, she still has a great performance in the cue, provided she doesn't go home tonight) and Paris (yeah, she can belt it out, but her affected stage presence and neck poppin' give ME soft-tissue just by watching - girlfriend, work on less Whitney/more Patti...flow, don't jerk and you'll be ok).

Can't freakin stand: Bucky (bubye), PICKLER (clean up in aisle "HO", clean up in aisle "HO"...make up should never be applied with a putty knife and cauk gun...just sayin'), and ACE needs to go very, very far away...in a land where looking like a generic version of Gavin Rossdale and a falsetto penchant equal success instead of suck-excess). I suggest the next train to Bizarro land where even there he is relegated to cruise ships/amusement parks/karoake clubs/prison yards.

I've discovered a hidden gem within the realm of A.I..."Plastered Paula Power Pilates"

1st stance-"Sitting Touchdown"
2nd stance-"Standing Touchdown"
3rd stance-"Cross-arm Flappies"
4th stance (advanced) - "one armed Cowboy lasso 'wootwoots'"
5th stance-"Refilling Coke glass"
6th stance-"Popping Vicodin"
7th stance-"Simon shoulder hit/swing back center"

I'm out -

Prof.

Fanilow?

2006-03-22T10:14:00.000-08:00

So, that's what their called? I met the illustrious Barry Manilow many, many years ago in a club in Kansas City. He was drunk, maybe I was too. He didn’t sing. Neither did I. That’s about as much as I have in common with the man. That’s not to say he’s not an excellent song writer or story teller, he just doesn’t really do that much for me. So, when I heard the theme was 50’s and we were to be subjected to Mr. Manilow, I nearly shut off the TV. Well, not nearly, but I did groan just a bit. In fact, I felt a bit like Elliott when he said “not a fan”…talk about a breath of fresh air (as opposed to the tons of smoke that usually gets blown in the direction of any celeb here in Hollywood). Of course, Elliott did turn into a “Fanilow” which gave me momentary pause. Had I been giving Barry the jaundiced eye for no good reason? Should I become a “Fanilow” too? I can’t say I find myself in the shoes of Elliott, but I’ve got to give Barry Manilow some mad props for giving us some seriously great arrangements because last night, we got treated to some amazing sangin’!!

Ok, enough of the blather…let’s see who gave me fever this week:

Mandisa – Don’t Hurt Anymore

Last week Ms. ManDIVA told us not to worry about a thing. I worried a bit for her. Not this week! Simon said she came across as “sexy” and funny thing, I couldn’t agree more! What a way to open the show! As Emeril would say “BAM!”

Bucky Covington – Oh Boy

Hmmmm…I really, really like his voice. I was not overly impressed with this particular performance (“If I’m being honest!”). At least I don’t have to comment on his hair as Jessica Simpson’s stylist took a night off. Lucky for Bucky (hopefully that will translate into votes)!!

Paris Bennett – Fever

Why is it even necessary to say anything about this little powerhouse? She’s a stage whore! The stage calls and she answers! Yeah, she gave me a little bit ‘o fever last night. I’m still sweatin’!

Chris Daughtry – Walk the Line

I’ll be the first to admit that while I’ve admired Chris, I have not been his biggest fan. And then to hear him say he was singin’ Johnny Cash AND changing it up…shoot, I nearly had to call for his early removal. Let’s just say by the time he was done, I wanted to find whatever line it was that he was walkin’ and…’nuff said! If I was in the biz, I’d have this dude signed up already!

Katherine McPhee – Come Rain or Come Shine

Mr. Manilow said to sing it to someone. She said she had someone in mind. Me? I think so! Simon hit the nail on the head when he said that her performance turned her into a star! You coulda’ blown me down with a feather!! Bet Simon won’t forget her name anymore.

Taylor Hicks – Not Fade Away

First let me say that the “Silver Fox” (not to be confused with my local neighborhood gay bar) is in no danger of fading away anytime soon. Heck, it’ll be a while before he even makes it into the bottom three. Having said that, I didn’t think very much of last night’s performance, in fact, Simon was right…had that been the first time I heard him I’d have to pass!

Lisa Tucker – Why Do Fools Fall In Love?

Who cares about fools falling in love! That was not the all important “why” last night. In fact, I could think of a whole host of “why’s” for this dreadful performance. The first being “why the hell did you wear that obnoxious outfit?” What, was it teenybopper meets hooker night? And furthermore, “why in the name of all goodness was that the first 50’s song to pop in your head?” In fact, during her entire performance, all I could think of was “why are you still here?” Bottom three last week…my pick to go this week!!

Kevin Covais – When I Fall in Love

It’s not secret that I can’t stand Chicken Little. I think I used the work “puke” last week. However, he was…surprise, surprise…not the worst one last night. I rather enjoyed his little ditty. Do I wish he would go? Absolutely, but I think he saved himself this week!

Elliott Yamin – Teach me Tonight

Ummmm, if the topic is singing, ain’t nothin’ I can teach ya!!! Great scott, this boy can sing!!! And looks like ole Mr. Manilow even schooled him a bit on storytelling. Way to go Elliott! And BONUS for Barry…he’s got a new “Fanilow!”

Kellie Pickler – Walkin’ After Midnight

Damn! She did Patsy Cline proud!!! Minx, Mink, Tigress! You bet ya!!! The strongest voice? Nope! But she’s got a killer career in Country Music. With a story like her’s and that naivety, she’s gonna look back in a couple of years and find that she’s “come a long way baby!” HUGE!!

Ace Young – In the Still of the Night

Did you see him last week? I thought he had crapped himself when Ryan read his name…hahaha! Here he thought those good looks would send him sailing on through. Apparently not! Turns out having a fan base of seven year olds ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. You know, he had a couple of good moments last night…maybe even enough to keep him out of the bottom three…maybe.

Melissa McGhee

She’s gone…gone…gone…and I miss her! She was sexy, sultry and a whole host of other descriptive “s’s”…but you guys booted her, damn you! I hope y’all voted right this week!!!

So that’s the wrap for this week. They're feeling more comfortable on the stage I think (well, all but the girl who should be doin’ a revival of The Lion King…go figure that she seemed the most nervous) and that’s a good thing. That means we get better performances each week! I would like to request that Ryan lay off all that poking at Simon. Geez, enough already! And if I’m being really honest, Paula could stay home next week. She needs a time out. Andy Dehnart may think she's the most important judge of the three, but I think it's just a ploy to get in her pants!

Well ya’ll…that’s a wrap. Hey, don't forget to leave your comments!

Lesson #2 Know who in the "F" Stevie Wonder is!

2006-03-19T10:02:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I know those crackers have every excuse in the world, but it's STEVIE WONDER for cryin' out loud. It's not like Bucky and Pickler aspire to be mechanics or Walmart Cashiers, they want to be pop stars, right? So, they have no excuse, especially for picking super lame songs and butchering the hell out of them. The fact that both had higher votes than Lisa Tucker amazes me. Makes me actually want to vote next week.

I agree with Melissa's departure...and America agreed....can't believe I wrote that. Being able to fast forward through the break is such a joy.

Next up, songs of the 50's...should be um interesting.

Lastly - Although Kevin's not going to win, I'm giving him credit for trying so hard. He brings his "A" game every night. Too bad his efforts are quickly trounced by the 5 divas, Chris and Elliot. They should be the top 7. Is it just me or did the judges arrange it so there's a Kelly Clarkson (Katharine), Clay Aikin (Kevin), Fantasia (Paris), Bo Bice (Bucky/Chris Combo), and Carrie Underwood (Kellie Pickler)? Are they so unimaginative that they're trying to recreate what they think America liked in the past by finding recent facsimilies thereof?

In the "meeting": Alright, we need a rocker, a country rocker, a country sex kitten, a pretty boy, a dork, a goofball, a vixen, Mandisa, a spitfire diva, soulty raspy kitten, and Taylor Hicks.

I bet that's a direct quote from some schmuck over at Fox. Oh well, whatchugondo?

Prof.

P.S. Shut up Drunk Paula. New game for spinoff potential: "Drunk Paula Madlibs". The only catch is, you have to use the same verbs and nouns for each changing story:

Nouns: Inner Light, inner beauty, Vicodin, Bourbon, touchdown,

Proper Nouns: Arsenio Hall, Emilio Esteves, Corey Clark

Verbs: Shined, "you made is your own", "you look great", "I agree with Randy", "I have an innerear infection and it's causing me to slur my words, use inappropriate and baffling gestures and sleep with mulotto contestants".

Don't forget, if Paula stands up, you have to "Cheers!"

If she does "Touchdown" you have to swig your whole drink.

Lesson 1 - Don't Forget Your Lyrics!

2006-03-16T08:52:00.000-08:00

Melissa McGee

First let me say, you looked hot in that dress! And, you had a voice I loved! And, there were in fact worse performers (did you hear that Chicken Little?). But dang girl, you forgot the words to Lately and that apparently is unforgiveable! I was rootin' for you girl, although truth be told, I must not have been rooting that hard...I did not cast a vote in your direction. Would that have made a difference? Probably not! Let that be a lesson to you...sing good but forget your words and you'll get screwed everytime!! We here at Idol Chatter wish you the best!

Whose Nerves Reigned Supreme?

2006-03-15T09:26:00.000-08:00

At this stage of the game last season I said the following about the top twelve..."This week unfortunately was a total mess and complete waste of my time!" For the better part of last night it was like I was having de ja vu. In fact, during one conversation with our own ~foxy coxy~ I even stated something to that effect. Perhaps it's the nerves associated with a bigger stage, bigger audience, being in the top twelve. Perhaps...but it's time to get over it! Next week all eleven (yes, we will be sending someone home tonight), had better be on their A-game. Otherwise my voting fingers will be taking a break. Not that they took a break last night because, as Simon said, "it's like there's two shows tonight!" There was the mediocre show and then there was the finale...woah!!! Of course the illustrious producers of the show didn't do us any favors being starting off with the American Idol, Stevie Wonder. I mean, the guy's a legend and his stuff is hard to sing. But, I digress...

And so, without further ado, here's my recap:

Ace Young - Do I Do

A better song choice for him would have been "I'm pretty so I'm going through...even though my vocals are shaky!" Ok, maybe his vocals aren't that shaky, but good grief, grow a set already! Quit being so darn scared every time you get on stage. ~foxy coxy~ wished he would blink even once during his performance. I could wish that the constipated look he has on stage would be taken care of beforhand. Perhaps some Imodium AD might help!

Kellie Pickler - Blame it on the Sun

We all love this girl. Admit it! You do to! She's as corny as all get out, but you just can't help but love her! Last night the decision was made to give Kellie her own reality show. It would work too...I mean that rambling with Ryan last night was naseatingly cute and...yeah, I couldn't help myself...I was smiling and thinking to myself "gee, she'll get a hellu lota votes!!"

Elliott Yamin - Knocks Me Off My Feet

Ok, so he didn't knock me off my feet last night, BUT, there's no mistaking the fact that this guy has pipes for days! Last night a first time watcher of this season's AI called and during our conversation she commented that this guy doesn't "look" like an American Idol. True, I said! In fact, you will probably remember that I've commented on his "look" in the past. But, honestly, the voice has made his looks irrelevant (I know...bizarre coming from someone like me who is all about the looks...)

Mandisa - Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing

Apparently her shoes were the bigger worry last night! The performance, for me, was iffy! I know, given the power house that she is, you must be shocked...but I just wasn't impressed! Not that I think she'll go home...BUT girrrl, you better get back into your game cuz more performances like that will have you playing off, off, off Broadway!!

Bucky Covington - Superstition

Well, he had reason to be worried...I mean having to try and sing Stevie Wonder when their styles are in completely different stratospheres. However, I like Bucky...a lot! And I thought he brought a little country flavored soul to this rendition. Was it the best? Hell no! But, it certainly wasn't the worst...not by a long shot!!

Melissa McGhee - Lately

Did she? Just to clear up any confusion, the girl forget the words to a song that she should NEVER have forgotten...and after she had done it in a private session with Mr. Wonder himself. Lawdamerci girl! HOWEVER, I've been a fan of hers for a while and I think she deserves to stay. But listen here Melissa, mess up on your lyrics again and all good will I've got for you will be gone, gone, gone!! Forgot the words...geez dumb ass!!!

Lisa Tucker - Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Yours

I know, I know! Everyone just loves her. I don't! I know she won't...but in my book, she could go away. There's just something about her that's a little too stage savy...arrogant almost. At least for me, she'd be better off doing a revival of The Lion King!

Kevin Covais "aka" squishy - Part-Time Lover

Puke!!! All over myself! I can't stand him! Not even remotely! He's apparently bought into this dumb notion that he's hot (he's not), that he can sing (he can't), that he can dance (hell no). I mean...what's his appeal? That he's "squishy"? Bugger off Chicken Little! I'm tired of you already!!!

Katherine McPhee - Until You Come Back To Me

First let's just get this out there...she looked freaking stunning!!! I could almost eat her up with a spoon! Now that we've got that bit of nonsense out of the way...let's rate her performance. Actually, who needs to rate it...she was brilliant...nothing more needs to be said. Except of course to clear up Simon's bit of bizarroness...she is NOTHING like Kelly Clarkson...well, except she can sing.

Taylor Hicks - Living for the City

I wanted to let out one of Taylor's trademark yells last night. Heck, maybe I will! It is no wonder that he got the most audience reaction!!! I love, love, love...can I say that too much?...love this guy! And, by the way, it looks like he took a bit of my advice regarding his twitches, ticks, etc. Didn't you think they were a bit muted last night? Well, they were!! Bring it on man! Oh...and he get's mad props for making the comment that the real American Idol was Stevie Wonder! Kudos!

Paris Bennett - All I Do

"...is think about you!!!!" OMG!!! Don't you just love her! She got a second viewing from me last night! And...she's been playing through my head all day! On a sour note, thankfully she got rid of those pom poms she had growing off the side of her head. Those were ugly and distracting! With those gone, she took the stage and brought out the sassy, classy, soul singer. "All I do" indeed...

Chris Daughtry - Higher Ground

Ok, Ok...it's not so much my genre of music...but to give the boy credit last night, it was the most original of the performances. I saw somewhere this morning that his was the only performance rated A+. I disagree...then again, it was pretty dang amazing!! Keep on rockin' Chris!

Well ya'll, that's my wrap for week one! As the competition progresses, I expect (with every fiber of my being) that the performances will too!! Paula was right last night (chalk it up to a change in meds maybe), this is the most diverse top twelve yet! I expect some serious sangin!!!

Keep your ears tuned up and your dialin' finger's healthy ya'll!!

j.

Right on time

2006-03-11T12:21:00.000-08:00

Last night I went with some friends to the Castro theatre and saw "Valley Girl" and "The Legend of Billie Jean". We were drinking in the theatre and thus, yelling at the screen. Luckily we weren't the only ones doing it, so no worries, right? Leaving the theatre at midnight, we were tipsy and not quite done celebrating the wonder that is Nicolas Cage's chest hair shaved into the shape of eagle, we wandered into Moby Dick's. That's when the black out happened. I remember nothing. I'm so glad I've mastered taking out my contacts during a blackout, or else I would need stock in Accuvue. Imagine my surprise after getting home at God-knows-when as I was torn from my coma by the world's loudest knocking at my front door. Who in the fuck would dare beat on my door at 8am on a Saturday morning? Why, RCN cable of course, there at my request to install a dual-tuner High Definition Digital Video Recorder. You hear that BeyondTV? No more missed shows, or even worse, recordings that have a tendency to UN-sync the sound and the video, which is rather important when you're trying to enjoy a flippin' singing competition. Just in time for the final twelve, I will now enjoy Idol in vivid HD fabulousness. Yay! I did happen to catch Tuesday and Wednesday's shows, and for the first time in 5 years, I'm thrilled with the final 12! Every one of them deserve to be there (except I ain't pickin' Pickler..she is cute though). I think it's gonna come down to Chris Daughtry (more gratuitous shots of his monster package please...home skillet's packin' some heat fo sho) Paris (more ballads less Conga), Mandisa (love you), and Ace (hate him, but loved his song choice, and incidentally Drunk Paula (shut up) he was singing Floetry's version, not Michael's, which made me respect him even though I can't stand him) and my personal favorite, Lisa Tucker. She's got it goin' on, and her best performance is still in the cue I suspect. I'm out.

Prof.

My Top 12

2006-03-09T07:02:00.000-08:00

Tonight's the big night...the night we find out who are final twelve will be. As with nearly 30 million other American's, I watched the girls and then the guys let it all out on the American Idol stage and, to be honest, for the most part I was underwhelmed. In fact, I rather thought the antics of the judges provided some of the more interesting moments. That's not to say that there wasn't a couple of good performances, because there were a couple of shining lights. However, for the most part I was left feeling a bit like Paris (the boy in my house, not the cute little contestant)...a little bored. About mid-way through the performances last night he got up off the sofa and announced he was going to bed. In a shocking twist he failed to dictate who he wanted to vote for...well, at least for the guys. And so, given my lack of real direction, I spent a sleepless night trying to put together my "dream" final twelve. Given the fact that I'm now short of the required amount of sleep required to really function at an appropriate level, I'm not sure just how spot on this list will be. So, here goes nothing...

Girls

Paris Bennett
What's not to love. She's cute, perky, got pipes for days and just makes you want to smile (and wiggle your bouty a little bit).

Mandisa
No need to justify this choice!

Melissa McGhee

She hasn't gotten nearly enough airtime in my opinion! Last week she was a little country, this week she was a little bit rock n' roll. And go figure...she nailed em both!

Kellie Pickler

What's not to like about this little girl. She's cute, has a story that just tugs at your heart strings and, even though she doesn't have the "best" voice (credit: Simon), she can blow (credit: Randy).

Lisa Tucker

Look, the girl can sing. I'd like to see her birth certificate though because I don't think she's 16. She acts old, sings old and really doesn't do much for me. But, she can sing, so...

Katherine McPhee

She's as polished as a gem in a jewelry store but she leaves me just a bit cold. However, she did kind of break out this week and I enjoyed her more than I have.

My pick to go home
Kinnik Sky - poor thing...she's beautiful but SUCKED this week.
Ayla Brown - please go home...probably basketball will be a better career choice.

Guys

Elliott Yamin

Did I hear correctly? You mean this guy can't hear out of one ear? And STILL sings like that? Sign him up NOW!

Taylor Hicks

For all those ticks and twitches (which scare the heck out of me), the boy can sing and sing GOOD!

Chris Daughtry

Ok, so maybe last week's comments were a little over the top. Maybe he's not ready for airplay yet...but he's got a career in music...a BIG one!

Bucky Covington

I like this guy SO much. His voice is unique above all the rest. And while he's not the best, I'd be really sad to see him go. And yes...he did get my vote last night (all 5 of them).

Ace Young

He will sail through to the final twelve because all the girls "swoon" over those smoldering good looks. The voice is ok. MUCH improved this week from last!

Gedeon McKinney

Well, I'll be a little bit honest, I'm like Simon, this guy is growing on me. He's got a mouth full of teeth that Mr. Ed would be proud of and he's a little bit over the top in his performances...but he's good!

My pick to go home

Kevin Covais - I know ~foxy coxy~ (along with every other granny out there) voted like mad for him (~foxy coxy~ voted 17 times)...but he's just not strong enough (and there aren't enough granny's out there). His poor showing last week is indicative, in my opinion, of where he'll end up this week.

Will Makar - I have nothing say. He's just not up to par.

Stay tuned to Fox tonight to see just how on my predictions are!

j.

DRUNK PAULA

2006-03-01T15:07:00.000-08:00

The Professor coined a "new" phrase last week when describing Paula ~ DRUNK PAULA (Sounds like it ought to be a collector's edition Barbi doll doesn't it?!)! Last night I decided she really went off the deep end. Part of me really is so morbidly interested in hearing her "yammer" on that I really don't want to write the rest of my post...but, as a responsible patron of the musical arts (I watch AI dammit...that counts), I really must say "Paula's got a problem y'all!"

How do I know this...because I tried last night to keep up. I almost succeeded too...during the disaster that was Brenna's performance (and by the way...send that little hussy packing PUHLEEZ), they panned past Paula (seated on the end now thanks to some bizarre tirade against Simon), and I noted that her arms were stretched out on either side, gripping the table for support, quite obviously holding herself up and praying the "heaving" would stop. You may wonder why I'm so familiar with that stance...well, it's because I was doing the same damn thing...propping myself up and wondering when my "too damn much tequila" was going to come up all over my coffee table. I've never really considered myself a light weight, but 1/2 a bottle of Cuervo 1800 Silver later, I still wasn't anywhere near that nut case. AND SO...based on that evidence, I'm calling on the producers of this family show to do the following...

Run a "warning" ticker underneath Paula when she gives her "critiques" that says "I'm drunk off my f***ing-ass and you're a good two shots behind me...catch up or go home!"

Put Paula on a chaise lounge in a padded room overlooking the stage - she's too damn drunk to be sitting on a stage, even if Randy is there to catch her should she began to teeter over (we all know that Simon is too self-obsessed to notice should she fall off).

If you insist on having Paula sit with the sober judges (although when one considers the residue of white powder halo'ing Simon's nostril the other night, I'm not sure he totally qualifies), institute a NO HITTING rule. I have a 7 year old who we are trying to teach NOT to hit when people piss him off. When his American "Idol" hits the guy who pisses her off the most...guess who's ALSO getting hit? You got it...ME! All because I said someone had to take a shower and put their pj's on.

Finally, if you are going to insist on letting DRUNK PAULA show up for work, then it's only fair to invite those of us who at least attempt to keep up with her over to the theater/studio to keep her company. It's obvious she's needs more drunk people around her to laugh at her inane (and quite often completely pointless) observations...of course that's assuming she can actually finish said observation without trailing off like some wind sock blowing every which way at some no-named podunk airport on route 66.

I would like to give DRUNK PAULA mad props though...I drank myself silly last night and she still had me beat (although you'd have been hard pressed to really know because neither one of us made a damn lick of sense). The really incredible thing is, she'll do it two more nights this week. After last night's debacle, I'll be lucky to even have another drink this month.

Look for our contestant reviews and our picks after the boys bust out their pipes tonight. And don't forget to pay special attention to Paula...she'll be drunk and as we all know (thanks Dr. Phil), she's a little horny. I can see it now...slurred and on the verge of falling over, one DRUNK PAULA attacks _____________ in a booze-induced haze. Wouldn't that be a hoot-n-a-holler!!!

Boys & Girls

2006-02-23T09:01:00.000-08:00

Last night the lyrics of a song ripped through my head, although for the life of me I'm not sure why. BLUR sang...

Girls who are boys
Who like boys to be girls
Who do boys like they're girls
Who do girls like they're boys
Always should be someone you really love

I think perhaps that song started playing in my head because of Randy who right off the bat said it was for "the boys to loose" and then, after the girls sang changed his tune, only to change it again after the boys sang. Geez, it's just all so confusing for the simple boy to figure out. Sorta like that BLUR song. Who likes who? Who's good? Who's gonna take it all. Guess it comes down to "who do you really love!"

Honestly, I only recall a few names from the top 24. Most of them did NOT stand out. And so, I will choose to ignore them in my wrap up of the last two nights. There are more boys who stand out than girls, although, right up until the end last night I thought the four girls I did like would easily over-shadow the guys. Now...well, I'm not so sure. My list of guys is a little bit longer...in fact, for a brief moment I agreed with Paula...maybe more that six boys should be in the top 12. Of course, then I realized that I was sober and Paula was obviously not (really ya'll...what the hell was she on last night...gawd!!!). So...without further ado...here's who I liked and would like to see hang around for a while...

Girls

Mandisa
The girl's got some pipes, can take Simon's jabs (and forgive him...whoa!), has some serious stage presence AND a stage that can hold her! As Simon indicated, look for her in the finals.

Paris Bennett

As I mentioned in an earlier post, this girl is liked because she shares the name of the little boy in my house. After the girls sang, he voted for Mandisa, then yesterday morning, he came in very bleary eyed and asked if it was ok for us to call American Idol and let them know he had changed his mind and wanted his vote to go for Paris. Luckily for us, I had already made a vote for this little hottie who, for me, has the whole package! I honestly hope we crown PARIS our new American Idol!

Lisa Tucker

While I think the judges were just a little too effervesant in their praise of this little 16 year old, I do think she can sing. I hope she stays around for a while!

Katherine McPhee

Mandisa and Katherine book-ended the show spectacularly! I like Katherine a lot...she's cute, controlled, has a great voice and an all around nice personality. I'll be honest...she was one of the three votes cast from my house!

Boys

Bucky Covington

This guy intrigues me. Plain and simple but with a voice that promises, with a little coaching, to do things that we didn't see from Bo Bice last year. While I wouldn't call him "amazing", he's a "person of interest"...keep your eye on this guy.

Will Makar

Ok...here's what this boy has going for him. He sang a song that Paris liked (and did it all right). Plus...he's got the pre-teen girl vote locked up. He'll be around for a while. When Paris went to bed last night, he instructed me to call over to the producers of AI and tell them that he wanted #4. I did as instructed! I have a feeling a lot of 7-13 year olds did the same!

Kevin Covais aka Squishy

The little girls love this little odd-looking duck. Plus, he can sing with the sincerity of an angel. He really doesn't have the best voice...but dang, we just want to love him...maybe pinch his cheeks a little bit. I have a feeling that some grannys sent their little charges to bed last night then grabbed phone and did some speeding dialing. I look for him to hang around a little bit longer than his talent should allow.

David Radford

Seriously...did you see the dimples?! Plus he's a crooner! He may be a little bit one-diminsional, but I like him, a heck of a lot better than John Stevens (the other crooner)!

Elliot Yamin

You know...this guy has a funny looking face (I'm sorry...but you know what I mean...it's not what is considered "classical" beauty), but man, when he starts to sing...WOW! I remember being impressed with him in Hollywood and I'm elated to find him in our top 12. Hopefully, there will be some smart ones out there (as opposed to squealing pre-teen girls) who will vote for this guy because he can sing...as opposed to cute little boys with lessor talents.

Ace Young

"....and a pretty face..." I have NO idea why this kid was nervous last night, but dang, I think he was the MOST nervous of the guys. Yes, he's got the "X" factor as Simon pointed out. What Simon really meant to say when explaining his comments was that every girl (and a hell of lot of boys) would like to sleep with him and since "sex" sells...he'll go far. Of course, it doesn't hurt that he's got a pretty darn good voice to back up those "be still my beating heart" looks!

Taylor Hicks

He's got twitches and ticks and is really just a little odd...but when he sings, the love of music comes out. Honestly ya'll, I'm getting goose-bumps just writing about his performance last night. I didn't think I'd like him. I wasn't really sure he should be in the top 12. Maybe I didn't want to like him because he looks old for his age. But, like Simon, I'm using reverse gear! He deserves to be in the top 12 and maybe even the finales!

As you can tell, I've already got 7 guys I want in the final 12 and there is at least one I left out (Chris Daughtry) who I kind of think outta be there as well. What to do? Well, perhaps the final 12 should be my list. Sure it's a little top heavy with guys. Then again, the four girls in question would put up a heck of a fight...you know it, I know it...and I'm betting that America knows it.

Look for four people we could care less about to leave the show tonight...and not soon enough! I'm most interested to see who the Professor and ~foxy coxy~ picked after the performances from the past couple of nights...clue us in ya'll!

'ey Yo White Girls: Be afraid

2006-02-21T21:46:00.000-08:00

I tell you one thing right now,

I ain't pickin Pickler...

The night does not belong to lover...

I don't know who that girl is, but she sucks...

Deep in Stevie Scott's darkness lurks a loser...

The beginning of the end for whatsername...

and as for whatserothername...well, Meh...

The lights went out, not down...DARKNESS for whateverthehellhernameis...

BUT YO, let's here it for the five superpower girls for bringing that a-game from jump street!

Wow!

Mandisa-singing Heart. Wow. Flawless. Abolutely flawless.

Paris Bennet. OMFG. She's 17 years old and rolled her eyes and "woo-woo"'-ed, and rocked that hair flip like she was Gladys Night. We replayed it the most, and that's the sign of a winner.

I don't care what the judges say, Kinnik's older sultry performance wasn't cabaret, it was on the money. Lisa Tucker's "Changing" was outstanding. And Katharine put it down and set the bar for the boys, whom we shall get into in just a second.

My choices for the finals:
Lisa Tucker (looks like Irene Cara crossed with Rae Dawn Chong)
Paris Bennet (Too perky at times, shows her age but on stage she's a Star)
Kinnik Sky (Perhaps too old to win the competition, but the power behind her voice is undeniable)
Mandisa (Wow)
Katharine McPhee (Token white girl, but chick can blow)

Now for the boys:

Chris Daughtrey (Bald guy. Woof. Oh and he can sing his ass off)

Ace Young (Smoldering looks are starting to piss me off. If he's not careful he could turn into that schmuck Constantine. EW.)

Taylor Hicks (Joe Cocker. Love him)

Eliot Yamin (Kinda dorky, Simon said he had the best voice of the guys in all 5 seasons. Love him too)

Kevin Covais (Super dorky, but his Mom balling in the audience made me like him. He's not gonna win, but I can dig it to the finals).

Now I know, it's only 5 and 5 and I should have one more guy and one more girl picked out. I honestly don't like anybody else, so I'm saving those wild card spots for someone to "Wow" me. It's always great when the song choice isn't up to the contestant because it forces them to expand their range (sometimes painfully) and it's those golden moments in Idol that make the show what it is. Watching someone you can't freakin' stand that only sings skinny-little-white girl waif songs being forced to sing some soul ballad from the 60's and nail it...they always look more shocked than everybody else, like "I did that???"

The best part of the show so far isn't the contestants, it's Ryan and the judges. Namely, "Drunk Paula". Three quick points and I'm out:

1) On Tuesday's show, Ryan completely told Simon off asking him for contructive criticism or to at least shut the hell up. He was actually mad. Play it back, you'll see. I had visions of the Grinch who stole XMas when his heart grew 3 times bigger, except it was Ryan growing a sack. Good for him. He actually shut Simon up for a second.

2) Speaking of Simon, absolutely, positively adore him. His barbs are anemic true, but he's the only one who is right a good 90% of the time. He missed the mark with Kinnik and a couple others, but I like his reality check when he shuts down Randy (enough with "DUDE", it's dumb!) and *drumroll* DRUNK PAULA.

3) I'm so glad that Jonathan pointed it out too, because Lamar and I thought we were the only ones to notice it. Paula's WASTED by the end of the show. She starts out fairly coherant, but then her pill kicks in and by halfway through the show her eyes are at half-mast and she's slurring her words. Even drinking Red Wine along with the show, it was hard to keep up with her. About an hour in, some poor stage hand's job of refilling her coke cup with Rum from her special flask shaped like Emilio Esteves' penis is finally over and she's officially unveiled in the second hour as "Drunk Paula". She just yammers now, arms flailing to express a point she's long forgot. She's gone from merely annoying to downright oddity. A curiosity you'll find in the "I love the 00's" VH1 special when D-list celebs recall their fondest memories of drunk Paula. New drinking rule: Every time Paula does "Touchdown" everybody drinks! You have to, it's a rule.

The popularity of the show has started to carve out a niche for the recurring characters. With no disrespect intended, Ryan Seacrest is well on his way to becoming this generations answer to Dick Clark. This is the first season I actually, honestly really like him. Now if he would just come out of the damn closet already. The judges remind me of the gong show times a million. At least they didn't hide the fact that they were trashed. Can't Bacardi pick up some of Coke's slack and co-sponsor Paula's section of the Judges' table? You hear me Mr. Lythgoe? Revenue dollars!

Prof.

Of Twins, Paris & Cowboys...

2006-02-15T12:55:00.000-08:00

You'll remember I'm sure that several weeks ago, I posted about the Brittnum twins and how they were favored to win by one 7 year old little boy who has become incredibly involved in American Idol this year (couldn't care less last year). You will also recall that last week, we missed the first night in Hollywood thanks to the Grammy Awards and a little TiVo staffu (we've since forgiven TiVo since it appears as though some form of human error may have attributed to that unfortunate event). In reading about it afterwards (Idol that is...not TiVo), I heard a lot about the Brittnum twins...namely that they were Grade A complainers and whiners.

Well, it didn't take long into last night's show for me to realize just how awful these guys are (not their voices...their attitudes). I could care less whether they can sing because by now, they are nothing but annoying. And honestly, that was how I was feeling before the one dumb-ass decided to "resign" from the show because he apparently (and quite incorrectly) thought his brother had not been put through to the next round. And so...off one self-righteous, pompous moron strode...it was a pleasure to watch his face when his brother told him that (gasp) he had been put through. Then the little confab about apologies. Now...I was done with these guys, but you must remember, these were the winners for one little 7 year old. I glanced over to see his reaction and at just that moment (after spitting a piece of Valentine's Day candy on the floor and kicking me in the side), he yelled to Simon (I honestly thinks he thinks that Simon can hear him) to not let him come back...and to send them both home. Unfortunately for myself and Paris, they let them back through and even though they were sent off stage slightly subdued...I bet it won't last.

I have to say that I finally felt like Idol started last night. Why? Because last night they closed the show by putting the contestants into four different rooms and then cut one WHOLE room. Ahhh...we are getting down to really manageable numbers now AND perhaps, just perhaps we will start to get an idea of who we will be rooting for. Last night Paris got a bit offended because they kept using his name on the show. After we informed him that one lucky contestant (whose musical roots include the Sounds of Blackness), shared his first name, I began to see a favorite emerge around our house. To a 7 year old, it might be all about the fact that they share a name...then again, his ears aren't tin...he can actually tell who is good and who isn't and this girl...well, she's got some power behind that cute little smile. Remember the name kids...Paris (the contestant...not the destination)!!!

Oh, and it wouldn't be right to end this bit without acknowledging the brave actors (and crew) involved in the making of Brokenote Mountain...and by the way, those of you who didn't see that movie title coming should be slapped. Their cowboy love was heartbreaking to witness as the little one, in tears, gripped in the arms of a bigger man, said "I'd didn't mean ta let ya down man!" We felt his pain and to be honest, when we heard the response "ya did your best, that's all a cowboy can ask for", we wiped away a tear. We wish them well as they ride off into the sunset...

Now we're cookin'!

2006-02-09T19:28:00.000-08:00

I watched Idol Thursday after the minor brain surgery that it took to get it onto my screen. I wanted to burn it and send it to Jon, but my tower fought me tooth and nail, so no dice. The reason I wanted to send it was because it was by far and away the most entertaining episode thus far this season....finally, these schmucks are being judged by their singing, getting rounds of applause or crickets and the list was whittled down to 99 remaining contestants. Again, they didn't show everybody's performance, and they absolutely refuse to let the guy with the cowboy hat take the motherfucker off. He didn't do so well (IMHO) but they let him through anyway. The bald guy with the girlfriend and her kids is going top twelve. I knew his name when I started this email, but it's escaped me. Holmes can blow, fo sho, fo sho.

I'm in Tahoe, so A.I. is (supposedly) going to be Tivo'd. I've had hit-or-miss luck with my Homebrew PVR, so we'll see what's waiting for me on my hard drive upon my return. Tomorrow's show is the now-infamous "Group Competition" and thanks to the preview last week, I already know that some of my predictions will come to fruition.

Somebody's going to bow out, and probably because they suck and know it, but they'll say it's because of the tremendous "pressure". No shit? You mean...GASP...it's a fucking competion? Super duh.

Champale wishes and fish stick dreams,

Prof.

P.S. I started this on Thursday and finished it today (Monday) so there are some time discrepanies...sorry for the confusion.

A Night Full of Disappointment!

2006-02-09T11:26:00.000-08:00

Tuesday night was the last of the faux auditions (I say faux because there's really only one reason to send such crappy "singers" to meet the judges). Boston was awful! Although, apparently they sent 20 something people on through. Hip Hip Hurray! (still bored!) I know some have commented on Simon's rudeness to the Cher wanna-be but frankly I thought that was the best bit of advice the kid ever received. I mean...get real...you are singing Cher almost as well as Cher, then telling us all that you can do Judy Garland...go get a dress and make some money! If you got the right wig, Lady Bunny just might let you perform on one of the lesser stages at Wigstock...however, seeing as you are so adverse to being a "female impersonator" (which seriously was about the only thing I could tell that you were good at), then you'd better figure out some other bit of schtick...and quick, cuz Idol ain't for you!

Last night 175 contestants made it to Hollywood. And on the same damn night as the 48th Annual Grammy Awards. Apparently there are more people interested in American Idol than the Grammy's as they won the ratings quite handily. However, at my house the Grammy's are big so a truce was reached allowing everyone to get what they wanted...GAWD I LOVE TiVo!!! Madonna started off the Grammy's like she should...with a freakin bang...Yowzer!!

American Idol represented well at this year's Grammy's I'm happy to say as the first televised award (several had been given in a pre-show including 3 to Miss Mariah) went to American Idol's very first winner...the amazing Kelly Clarkson! She beat out Mariah which shocked the ever loving heck out of me! It was a proud moment! Paula represented very well in a beautiful little number...as Paris said "Paula's HOT!" And what a pleasure to see Randy Jackson playing with Mariah AND Sly and the Family Stone! I should also mention my favorite, favorite performance was U2 and Mary J. Blige performing One...OMG...simply amazing!!

At this point, you are probably wondering why I'm still blathering on about the Grammy's and not making some snippy comments about American Idol. Well, that would be a result of the low-point of my evening. The point where I realized that TiVo had let me down. That something had gone sadly awry and...horror of horrors...the marathon (please understand folks...American Idol is not a 50 meter dash) that is American Idol did NOT get recorded! I almost cried! The first night in Hollywood where we actually had singing (and apparently in some cases warbling) and where more than 60 people were cut did NOT, I repeat, did NOT record! DAMNATION!!! Thankfully, just as I was realizing the exact nature of this most egregious error...the lovely Kelly Clarkson won her second Grammy...ever...beating out the likes of Gwen Stefani and giving props to Bonny Raitt. Oh...and then...one of my favorites...Fantasia came out on the Sly and the Family Stone tribute...gotta love her...and the new teeth.

In the end, the night was full of amazing music and heart-felt disappointment...for me, the Idol wanna-be's sent packing from Hollywood AND the loosers at the Grammy's. Then again..."it's an honor just to be nominated!"

Something's wrong at Fox y'all!

2006-02-02T17:33:00.000-08:00

howdy y'all..... let's see, Tuesday night TV consisted of watching "Fear Factor," and then last night "The Biggest Loser" ~~ funny thing though, these two programs aired on the Fox network where I expected to be viewing my favorite "American Idol." hmmmm??? Twist of fate you say? I think not! Sheesh...Professor and Jonathan, I'm bored too ~~ so, to spice things up a bit...here ya go!

Top Ten Signs You're a Gay Cowboy:

10. "Your saddle is Versace"
9. "Instead of 'Home On The Range', you sing 'It's Raining Men"
8. "You enjoy ridin', ropin', and redecoratin"
7. "Sold your livestock to buy tickets to 'Mamma Mia"
6. "After watching reruns of 'Gunsmoke', you have to take a cold shower"
5. "Native Americans refer to you as 'Dances With Men'"
4. "You've been lassoed more times than most steers"
3. "You're wearing chaps, yet your '******' is in Chelsea"
2. "Instead of a saloon you prefer a salon"
1. "You love riding, but you don't have a horse"

Make it a groovy day dollfaces...

~foxy-coxy~ going for a cold one~

...do not adjust your set

2006-02-02T12:38:00.000-08:00

Due to technical difficulties, I was not able to watch either episode of A.I. this week. And you know what? I'm not that stressed out about it. Seeing raw talent coupled with society's backwash makes for good television, true...but for how long? Weeks of City tours start to wane on you after a while. As Homer Simpson would say: "Boring!"

The City tour should only last one week, consisting of 3 episodes (Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday).

The Hollywood segment should last only one week, same as above.

America should start voting the following week and every week thereafter until there's a winner, downshifting to two episodes per week, one on Tuesday and the results show on Wednesday.

Same number of total episodes (so Fox doesn't lose any ad revenue), but I need to have some say so to prevent me from watching ANYTHING ELSE or worse yet: NOTHING. I have a feeling that there are quite a few viewers that feel me.

The results show should be tweaked to always end in a tie with the two bottommost vote-getters in a "Sing-Off". America votes again (two days of voting, not just one, adding to Cingular's revenue stream, and more importantly, ending the mindless time-filling prattle that spews from Ryan Seacrest. Nobody finds out who stays and who goes home until the following week's Tuesday episode, adding suspense and the viewer's sucked right back in the new line-up.

Of course, that's just the opinion of a Snoutch and should be regarded as such.

When Pigs Fly

2006-02-01T07:01:00.000-08:00

No, I didn't actually see pigs fly, but I know they must have. Why? Last night Paula became the reincarnation of Honest Abe Lincoln when she broke down and admitted that she was in fact "lying"! I was shocked! What? Did they change her meds? Did they give her too much Vodka to go with the Vicodin? What was the deal? Suddenly every comment she's ever made is totally thrown into question. Ok...I lie! We've always known that Paula just couldn't tell people what she really thought about their performances (are you listening Corey Clark?). Apparently Vegas brought out Paula's honest side...either that or some TV evangelist (a group of people not exactly known for their personal honesty) has convinced her to live "right" and honest before God and the many people watching. Who knows...whatever the deal Paula was shootin' straight last night...at least for a little while.

Turns out that was the most exciting part of the night. I really could have slept through the whole thing quite honestly. Paris yelled at Simon a couple of times for being mean (namely when the two Asian girls did NOT get through to Hollywood...and thank God because they sucked...even if they did look like the girls off of one of his favorite cartoons), otherwise it was a yawner. Vegas only put through 11 people and I don't think we saw any of them.

Seriously people...how much longer do we have to put up with this drivel? If we have too many more nights like last, I may become a former Idol watcher. Paris called the performers last night "sucky"! I call the whole darn thing...SUCKY!

I'm bored!

j.

Freakapaloozer

2006-01-26T06:03:00.000-08:00

Wow. S.F. was really weird as Randy kept reminding us, but not for the reasons that he thought. Simon's stunt to leave before the final contestant was judged was boring...and I'm not being rude when I say that. Oh wait, yes I am and I don't care. How in the Holy Hell is he not going to let that Hawaiian Hottie not go through and yet allow that barefoot monstrosity go through from last week? Everybody's too raw for me to bother remembering names, I just feel sorry (not really) for the people who can't sing but think they can. The look on their face when even drunk-ass Paula tells them "It wasn't for me" is so pitiful, it would be sad if I myself weren't a bottle and a half into my Merlot-hole.

One thing I think should be kept in mind. It is rare that we see the initial audition for someone that makes it into the top 12. All of those people that they show making it through don't show up until stage 2 "Hollywood" when things get really interesting, so I'm not forming an opinion about anybody yet. Sure, they may have aced their audition, but they practiced that same damn song over and over and over agaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin (Go Donna Summer, it's your birfday).

I will make a prediction about the Hollywood phase though:

1) One or more contestants will oversleep/go to the wrong place/end up partying too much with Paula and be disqualified.
2) One or more contestants will argue about the group number because they're not practicing as hard as the rest of the group/can't fucking dance/can't remember lyrics/aren't mulatto enough for Paula to help cheat.
3) One or more of the female contestants will decide that they don't "just can't handle it" and go home.
4) Randy will use the word "Dawg" one too many times and Simon will lose it.
5) Controversy will move from Paula's drunk-ass (my new moniker, ain't it cool?) to Ryan caught in a torrid love affair with the strapping Blond built Adonis from Greensboro...one of the few to make it. If he can remove himself from the twang he'll be fine.
6) Some idget will think he's Usher and to cover his mistake, try to woo Paula while the other two actually perform the rehearsed song/dance steps. It worked for Corey Clark's dumb ass, and the Army guy that danced with her on Tuesday had a similar approach. Don't these guys know that it takes her all of her strength just to pour the Gin into the Coke cup? She can't be getting up and dancing every five seconds, she's fall and break her face again. Straight up.
7) There will be gratuitous body shots of the better built contestants relaxing in the pool/jacuzzi. Not that I mind, just make sure you're recording it so when you go back to watch it at 3:00am (I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'), you will be able to tell who's attracted to whom....watch their eyes, they never lie.
8) Two of the girls will play "freeze out" to the 3rd in the dance portion because the girl's a diva, or won't do it the way they want to because their moves are stupid, or she's fat, or she stole her boyfriend, or some insipid combination therein worthy of the O.C./8th grade/ABC afterschool weekend special. I wish they had drama police that would just start smacking these idgets in the head for each occurrence of stupidity. I know, I know, the producers are probably egging them on because they think any drama is good drama, but like most situations, they are wrong and IIIIIIIIIIIIIII am right. The good drama is in the performance the subsequent judgment. Everything else is mindless fodder, and quite frankly, I'd rather have an egg McMuffin.
9) The one or two people that SHOULD go into the final 48 won't make it, and certain people will "never watch the show again" as a result. People, people, people - don't pick your favorite until phase 3...otherwise you're just setting yourself up for heartache. When it gets down to final 12, if your fav didn't make it, pick a NEW favorite. Vegas doesn't set odds until the final 12 anyway, so why get your panties in a bunch because your guy didn't cut the mustard 6 weeks prior? Let it go and you'll enjoy the show a LOT more.
10) And finally, finally finally:

SHUT UP Paula! Just don't talk . Nod your drunk ass "Yes" or "No" and that's it. Don't tell some idiot that you're proud of him and that he made it his own when he most obviously did not. It's insulting and that your drunk ass opinion actually shapes the final results of this competition sickens me. Not that I'm bitter.

Pressure's on...

2006-01-25T08:42:00.000-08:00

Okay, time for a new team (not the A-Team, but the AI Team) to pre-judge these Idol wannabees saving all of us the time and grief weeding through this 'oh-so special' group of young singers; pre-judge signups coming soon to a neighborhood near you--how about it Professor and Jonathan? We've witnessed "it's a no for me dawg" one too many times, and "thanks for coming out" now has new Idol-talk meaning. Shame on you Simon Slyman.

Hey, first time for everything tonight~~ new and good diet coke commercial plus I discovered my clicker had a very small mute button 44 minutes into my listening pleasure/torture just before surfing over to Dr. Phil with that gal guest who discovers tuna under her fingernails after a night of sleepwalking/eating -- oh I digress.. return now to Chonna Clepper, our pole dancer freak clad in negligee and cape... and oh puhleeze -vocals are nowhere close darling - buh-bye now...

Who's it gonna be? Do we have a winner? Have we even seen any "I'm goin' to Hollywood" candidates? Do we really care at this point? Auditions in my neck-o-the-woods coming up -- pressure's on - will San Francisco bring it? I got wind Rhonetta hopped a red-eye bound for SFO. Oh lawdy lawdy!

~foxy coxy~ running downstairs for a cold one...

A Lot of Hot Air

2006-01-25T08:23:00.000-08:00

If we say something is, does that really make it so, or do we just show ourselves to be full of a lot of hot air? This question has bounced around my pinball machine of a brain all evening as I've watched contestant after contestant come in and "murder" their song selection of the evening. Of course that is AFTER they have talked themselves up to high heaven using such descriptions as "the whole package" and "I could be bigger than J-Lo" (true...just not the way you meant Rhonetta). But it isn't only the contestants who seem to want to define themselves or their actions by telling us what reality they want us to believe. Time after time Simon told us just how un-rude he really was. He declared over and over that in fact he wasn't being rude at all. These declarations always preceeded some comment that most of us really would consider rude, if it wasn't so dang funny! Time after time we found the contestants full of hot air and, YES, it carried over to the judges as well.

North Carolina has produced the likes of Fantasia and that dreadful Barry Manilow wanna-be, Clay Aiken. Will the next Idol come out of North Carolina? Not if they take after Rhonetta or Marcus or the cutie who should have stayed the hell in the shower. Paris, between plugging his ears and yelling "No!" at the TV, proceeded to call the contestants "sucky!"

~foxy coxy~ rang in to say that she didn't remember Idols of the past being full of so much, "um garbage". Well, sweetie, I'll give the same advice to you that someone must be giving to Paula..."more vodka and diet coke and the world will sound so much more harmonious!" Marcus told me something new tonight...that Paula and Randy have a vocal coaching DVD. I probably would have been even more shocked at that little tid-bit of info had I not been completely taken back by their putting through of some guy named Chase, who offered to dress in yellow chiffon..."if it would make a difference and as long as he could have matching shoes." Ummmmm...NO! Chiffon (yellow or otherwise), with or without matching yellow shoes, won't make your voice any less dreadful!

As I listen to Ryan wrap the show...hold up for a quick minute...did he just say only 9 people got through? Holy Batman and Robin! Well, I do have one that we'll do well to keep our eyes on. I was excited to see Ann Nesby of the Sounds of Blackness bring her niece who shared something very special with my 7 year old...the same name. As Paris started talking with that cartoonish voice I thought "oh heck, here we go"...but then she opened her mouth and sang that little ditty by the Dixie Chicks. I wanted more! Thankfully Paula had a moment of sobriety and asked little Paris to "bless" us all with another number. Little cartoon voice started talking about Billie Holliday, and then she opened her mouth and the pipes started blowing. Oh God...this girl can sing (even if when she talks she sounds a little like she's sucked in a butt-load of helium)!!!

That's a wrap from my little neighborhood!

Introducing ~foxy coxy~

2006-01-19T15:05:00.000-08:00

It is with a great deal of pleasure that we announce the addition of ~foxy coxy~ as the newest contributor to Idol Chatter. ~foxy coxy~ has been a faithful viewer of American Idol since the show first debuted. Much like Paula Abdul, ~foxy coxy~ has been enjoying her vodka/DCs while listening to some really, um, interesting musical interpretations given by some talented and host of untalented "artists."

~foxy coxy~ has become so enamoured with several of the previous contestants that she has voted over 100 times in one evening (ahhh the advantages of not having to share a phone with a 7 year old). I've often had the pleasure of speaking with a decidedly inebriated ~foxy coxy~ giving me her opinion on song selection, hair styles, butt tightness and a host of other hilarious categories...then telling me who to vote for and how often.

For the, it is extremely exciting to welcome ~foxy coxy~ along with the Professor (Snoutch that is) to Idol Chatter! Look forward to their witty, urbane and completely over-the-top assessments of each week's festivities!

It's the little tweaks here and there

2006-01-19T00:03:00.000-08:00

Editor's note - I'm writing this from Muddy's-typical S.F. Coffee shop. I figured I'd come here to get some visceral interaction instead of waiting for my phone to ring. As I sat here, coffeed and bageled, 2 uber-Moms strolled in with Marin ball caps and attitudes. In their charge, a one, a two and a three year old. All vying for each Mom's attention from the moment they walked in the door to the split second that I write this. One Mom went to get the coffee while the other PARKED HER STROLLERS AND OSHGOSHBGOSHES in the nearly empty, fairly small shop. Of course, she chose the table NEXT TO ME. No dirty look could dissuade, no harrumph, no cluck of the tongue to grab her attention that perhaps she should go to a more empty part of the house, like oh, I don't know, in the opposite corner from MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, perhaps?

Now thank GOD for iTunes, headphones, and a scenic view of Valencia. Let's hear it for the blues channel (strangely appropriate). Now on with the show:

Professor Snoutch here with my spin on the Premier episodes - Has everyone discovered all of the little differences from previous seasons?

The good -

The new seating arrangement. Don't know why I like it better, 'cept perhaps for the same reason that I simply must rearrange my livingroom every 6 months (or move to a new City...whichever).
Ryan Seacrest. Hate him. Well, want to hate him, but dammit, he made me laugh like twice while he made fun of clueless contestants. Watch his facial expressions next time he's letting one of the sucky ones go off...it takes him everything in his power to not crack up.
The idget 18-year-old Cowpoke from a town of 4 that ropes cattle and sings in Church. LOVE HIM. LA's going to eat him alive...can't wait to see him on the cover of The Advocate in 6 months...

The Bad -

PaulaPaulaPaula. She's so much funnier when she's hopped up on goof balls. Sober in the beginning of each show, her feigning enjoyment until the sweet release of pain-killers and Bourbon hit about 20 minutes in. I have to admit, her incessant need to be positive instead of JUST FUCKING SAYING "NO" makes me want to pull an Elvis. But after what I paid for that T.V., I'd rather have an egg McMuffin.
Simon's comments when he really, really hates someone. Dude, hire a writer! You can go off, that's expected, but sometimes (read: nearly all) his rude jibes are anemic and sad. He needs "The big book of English Zingers". Oh! Writing project! Let me try one (you do it too!):

"You know how you could've performed that better don't you? With a modicum of talent."

"Perhaps you should use other orafices for that performance, say with your armpit or simply blow it out of your arse?"

The Ugly -

Who's picking out Randy's shirts? Does he know he's on National Television?
Stopping the Statue of Liberty guy...I would've felt sorry for him if it wasn't so funny
The Paris Hilton ghetto knock-off and her Leona Helmsly tramped-up Mother. In short, they are what's wrong with American Society.

Until next week, this is Professor Snoutch signing off...Hockenoga!

Potential Scandal Alert!

2006-01-19T00:02:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday night the 7 year old in my house crowned the Brittenum twins (Terrell and Derrell), aged 28, the winners. Frankly I thought they were pretty good myself. Apparently they aren't that good. According to published reports the twins are in a bit of a legal mess that may preclude them from accepting the invite to Hollywood.

According to reports, the twins used someone else's identity to buy (I use that word so lightly) a 2005 Dodge Magnum. Unfortunately using someone else's identity is a crime and as such, one twin currently sits in jail (since January 10th) and the other is expected to turn himself in.

Idol, following a long tradition of staying mum until absolutely the last minute, has no comment. Honestly, this little bit of info has already gotten my juices flowing. How scandal-ridden will this season be? It's way to early in the season for this to be the main scandal (you know, the goods ones truly don't break until the final 12...ala Frenchie, Bo Bice, et al). We promise to keep you updated!!

Introducing the Professor!

2006-01-18T21:08:00.000-08:00

It is my great pleasure to introduce the Professor as a regular contributor to Idol Chatter. Having spent the past four seasons watching American Idol with this most esteemed observer of the tiniest of details, I have gained understanding and new insight into this show that has captured the fantasy of America. On many a night, as the Professor has regaled us with his observations over an adult beverage (or 7), I have found myself having to pick up the dry cleaning tab for those sitting around me (vodka through the nose ain't that pretty ya'll).

Idol Chatter started several years ago as a weekly e-mail to a few friends of my observations of the nightly show American Idol. As more and more people indicated their interest, the operation grew and eventually garnered it's own blogsite. This year, in an effort to take Idol Chatter to a new level, several of us got together to form our own "judging panel". I jumped at the idea when Professor mentioned this to me because frankly, if he doesn't have you peeing your pants after reading his highlights...then your pee'er is broken!

Please join me in giving a warm welcome to Professor Snoutch...all the way from San Francisco! Here's to Season Five...the most amazing season yet!

"We Have A Winner!"

2006-01-18T07:21:00.000-08:00

So said the 7 year old in my house! Actually, he thought we had two winners! That would be the first set of twins. For the life of me, I can't remember their names...but, not to worry, we will be seeing them in Hollywood. Other descriptions included "sucky" and "oh my god, what was she thinking!"

Perhaps I now realize what was meant by "nastier" after hearing Simon last night. He was on a tare...but not only him. So was Paula! While Simon definately put words in her mouth with the "rat" comment...she still was a little more edgy in her comments (remember "absolutely not!"). There was one moment where we stopped the show and hit rewind. That was when Simon made a little comment after the one-named wonder left the audition room (with yellow ticket in hand). Simon said "she got what she wanted, perhaps we'll need a bigger stage!" Poor thing...she really wasn't that big!

A couple of my favorites from Chicago - tan girl - the idiot who kicked the show off - the idiot who showed up as lady liberty (probably could sing...but the outfit...dang, this isn't clown idol). Unfortunately we were treated too much of idiot number 1 (why continue to put all of us through our misery). I did enjoy the girl who used some inappropriate language in her actual audition, then really went off. I wanted to be shocked, but as one person said in my house "ain't nothing they haven't heard before!" So true!

Tonight we will be treated to another hour (second part of the season premier). Don't forget to watch Skating with Celebrities immdiately following Idol (also on Fox). My favorite morning personality, weather/fashion girl will be featured...give it up for Jillian Barberie.

j.

Season Premiere!

2006-01-17T10:26:00.000-08:00

I feel like the guy who sings the Monday Night Football Anthem...except in place of "football", I'm singing..."Are you ready for some Idol?" Ok...it doesn't have the same ring, but what it lacks in flowability (is that a word), it gains in excitement. It's palatable!! All the talking heads are saying that this will be the nastiest season to date. Well, I hope not! Because really, AI isn't really about nasty (Simon's acerbic remarks not withstanding)...it's about good quality music (oh, and some really shitty music in the meantime).

On the AI website we are told that "The excitement is building!" Well, duh! We've been waiting for what seems like entirely too long. In the meantime I've gotten hooked on Project Runway and a host of other good shows. Geez, what's a boy to do? Obviously invest in TIVO.

As millions and millions of TV sets tonight tune in to hear the next great William Hung (because let's be real honest here...that's what we will be treated to for the next few weeks), we will hopefully also catch a glimpse of who will be in the final 12 (or 16 or whatever number will be landed on this year). And even though I really can't stand some of the gimmicky crap that goes on with Idol, I will be watching. In fact, I was told by my better half, that this year there will be no falling asleep at the beginning of the season (happened last year and continued through the entire season...sucks having to make catty comments to yourself). Translated, that means that my entire household will be watching and making catty comments about the performances each week. And, if that's not not enough enticement to watch tonight, then getting to watch Simon storm out on Paula and Randy, really should be!

Don't forget to turn your TV or whatever device you have available to Fox tonight (I'll be watching in true surround-sound, high definition) to the much-anticipated fifth season premiere tonight and tomorrow at 8/7c.

Season Five "Idol" Auditions Begin This Month!!

2005-08-02T13:06:00.000-07:00

The Associated Press
Updated: 6:01pm ET August 1, 2005

Let the ear bleeding begin.

"American Idol" is kicking off auditions for season five later this month in California.

The Fox talent search gives everyday people the chance to believe they have what it takes to be a star. And while the search has produced its share of William Hung sound-alikes, the previous "Idol" winners all came through the same audition process.

Auditions begin in San Francisco on August 18th. That'll be followed by open calls in five more cities -- Boston, Memphis, Denver, Chicago and Austin, Texas.

Our New American Idol!!!

2005-05-26T06:42:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to our new American Idol...our little girl from Oklahoma...

Carrie Underwood

It's been a Long, Long, Road...but like Simon, I never doubted that you'd take it all (ok...well maybe a little...Bo scared the hell out of me)!! You made me like country...just like Bo made me like Southern rock! Last night you did a much better job on your new single than the previous night and I might just look forward to hearing it released!

Congratulations also to Bo for an amazing year and for actually making this a competition! I have a feeling the votes were close! Paula was right that after last night, we'll have to pay to see you!! You done good boy!!

I'd also like to request that the two of you record Islands In The Stream...WOW...you guys sounded brilliant together!!

And so, until next season when we do this all over again...I'm out!

American Idol - Finale!

2005-05-25T08:04:00.000-07:00

The red carpet was rolled out! Ryan was in his best suit! So was Simon! What? Yup...there he was, in a suit! (Apparently Randy and Paula didn't feel like the night was any more special than usual and we thank them for their lack of respect.) The beautiful Kodak Theater had been turned over to the American Idol stage hands and was properly suited and booted for the show! The only question that most of us had was..."can either of them pull off an upset?" I managed to find out a little inside "scoop" that had me wondering whether either of these two would be able to pull off anything...Bo had food poisoning on Wednesday and actually lost his voice and Carrie was suffering from a horrible case of hayfever! "Oh crap," I thought, "now we are going to deal with two nasally performances...just what the finale of American Idol should be all about." However, neither food poisoning nor hayfever was going to delay the performances, so I quickly gathered my cookies and milk and settled into the sofa for the "night we've all been waiting for!"

Ryan told us that Carrie and Bo would both sing two original songs and one favorite song from the season! And then, there he was to do the coin toss. As has been typical for this season, Ryan managed to fumble the coin just a bit and loose it down a grate on the stage. Ok, the first question I had was what the hell a grate was doing on the stage? The second was, has Ryan started raiding the cabinet that holds Paula's three V's? Since there was no one to answer these pressing questions, I filed them away and just in time as they were able to retrieve the "one of a kind" coin and do it all over again. Carrie, as you know, won the toss and made an interesting choice and one I wasn't really sure about. She decided to allow Bo to sing first.

Round One

Bo came out and started singing The Long, Long Road. Ummmm...I'm sorry, I don't get it. Bo is NEVER at his best when singing ballads. Why chose something that isn't going to showcase your voice...which is amazing. Thankfully, Bo wrapped the song up with no vocal problems but I wondered if this wasn't a sign. Surely not?!

Yep, it was a sign all right! Inside Your Heaven was the original that Carrie started off with. Who the hell comes up with these songs? Do they keep in mind the persons performing them? Apparently not!! Like Bo, Carrie had no vocal problems. That's not to say she did an amazing job...nope...it was a mediocre song that didn't give a lot of wiggle room for a great performance.

Simon gave round one, by a hair, to Bo. Most people I've talked to though think round one was a draw! I agree!!

Round Two

I've said it before and I'll say it again...Bo can be my Vehicle any damn time he wants!! Bo manages to rock this song and last night was absolutely no exception. Bo's considerable experience shows through in all of his performances and then, when you get a song that showcases that talent...you've got a winner!! Bo chose the absolute best song from the season for him!!

I think I know why Carrie did not choose the BEST song from the season that would most showcase her vocal prowess (and limited stage presence). I'm sure you are wondering what the hell I'm talking about. You see, Carrie had a couple of songs where she blew everyone away (Alone by Heart being one of them). However, Independence Day by Martina McBride just wasn't one of the best performances. Then again, maybe Carrie was using her head. I thought of all those red-blooded Americans in the heartland. Those patriotic, red state Americans!! Yup!! Carrie was smart!!! She chose the song that would speak to her fan base!! Pop/Country is now the number one genre of music in America! Hmmmmm...Carrie sings a song (quite well) that is not only patriotic, it is also one of the favorites of the folks who love pop/country (remember...number one genre in the country)...well shoot, that's a no-brainer!!

Simon gave round two to Bo! Based on song selection and targeting your core audience, I disagree and give round two to Carrie!

Round Three

Oh God...It's that song again! Having heard Inside Your Heaven once before, I now suffered through it again. What a crappy song to be the first song for the next American Idol to put out! Last year we had that amazing song that showcased Fantasia's incredible voice. This year we get crap! And dang, why give us crap when we are having the tightest competition ever? Having said that, Bo gave a better rendition and performance of this song than Carrie! But, can we skip this one...please??!!

The last number! The one that could decide our next American Idol! My cute little girl from small town Oklahoma (and suffering from hayfever)! Ok, I'll be honest, I had some nerves right about now. Bo's older! Bo's more experienced! Whew...can she do it? As she started Angels Brought Me Here, I wasn't certain. But as the song built, the goosebumps started to rise!! Yes! YES!! YESSS!!! My little Okie did it!! With emotion showing that had been lacking the entire season, Carrie sang her heart out!! I know why she chose to sing second now!! She was just following the example she's known her whole life...Oklahoma football!!! She knew that all it took was ONE great moment to win the whole thing!! At that moment, past mistakes were forgotten!! Randy was right to give her his first standing O!

Simon said Carrie did good enough on round three to win the whole thing. I agree and give round three to Carrie!

So, who wins the whole thing? Reality TV writer Craig Berman said about Carrie that "her likability and potential will draw more votes than Bice's pure talent." We had three rounds and I gave two of them to Carrie! For that reason alone, I would have to give it to Carrie. BUT, I also think it is important to remember that Carrie has NEVER been in the bottom three! Bo has! Did that figure into the voting last night?! We shall see!! In the meantime, I join the likes of Craig Berman and Simon Cowell in proclaiming that our next American Idol will be...

Carrie Underwood

Who's Out - Week 10

2005-05-18T21:34:00.000-07:00

Vonzell Solomon

While I got my top two, I'm sad to see you go!! "You've come a long way baby!!!" Your performances were always so infectious and I will miss them!! I have a feeling we'll be seeing a lot more of you!!

American Idol - Week 10

2005-05-18T06:54:00.000-07:00

"We have ourselves a contest!" With all the judges in agreement on that statement and with the legendary Clive Davis gracing the show with his presense, we did indeed have ourselves a showdown!! With a rocker putting the band out of a job and a country girl singing 80s pop songs, I was enthralled!

The judges crowned a winner for the night and maybe they were right. But as I watched my 6 year olds reactions, I know who the real winner is. Funny, this little kid is all about rap and hip hop. He loves to turn on BET or MTV Raps and stand in our big picture window dancing. I would think that Baby V's soulfullness would get his attention...but she bored him. During Bo's bold performance minus the band, the hand-held vacuum was being played with. Then little Ms. Underwood sang a rendition of Air Supply's song and Paris was up and dancing. Couldn't take his eyes off of the TV. If he hadn't been sent to bed following the second set of songs, there would have been a fight over the phones to vote for our country girl.

And speaking of voting, why is there always a screw up when it comes to numbers? Everyone got two numbers and sure as everything there was Ryan giving out the wrong numbers for Vonzell. HUH? With all the problems, conspiracy theories, etc., this should absolutely NEVER be a problem. You guys need to get your shit together!!!

Did you vote? I did!! One friend was able to vote 17 times...good gawd...I got through only once. That's not to say I didn't try...I wanted to hear Bo thank me for calling...as it was, I settled for hearing Carrie's sweet little voice.

Now that I've rambled way too damn long...let's get to the good stuff...

Vonzell

I'll Never Love This Way Again (Clive Davis Choice)

Clive Davis picked this little ditty for her and I was disappointed! For once her stage presense wasn't there and that left me having to pay more attention to the vocals...which sucked, I think Randy said they were "rangy"...true that! Simon was right, "you got two more songs...you gotta do better..."

Chain of Fools (Performer Choice)

Ok, so the vocals were better and the performance was typical Vonzi, but the replay wasn't very exciting for me. I like Vonzell, but I think she may have outlived her usefulness. Thankfully she won't be going back to delivering mail...we'll hear more from this hot little girl from Florida!

Radio (Judges Choice)

I forwarded through this number. Not that she did a bad job, I just couldn't get into it. Sorry Baby V!

Bo

Don't Let The Sun Go Down (Clive Davis Choice)

WOW! I love to hear Elton John sing this song! I love to hear Bo Bice sing this song! Nothing more to say!! "The Dawg Pound for life!" Brilliant!

Within a Dream

BOLD! This was Bo's night! To come out and blow this one out of the water...with no accompanyment was amazing.

Satisfaction

I believe Adam Sandler did the exact same rendition in The Wedding Singer. I wouldn't say that Bo did a worse job that Sandler, but as Simon said...it was "fluff!"

Carrie

Crying (Clive Davis Choice)

Ummmm...Mr. Davis, I have a question! Having watched Carrie, why in the name of good sense would you choose a Roy Orbison song? Carrie did brilliantly (like we knew she would), but frankly I started to have my doubts about you.

Making Love Out of Nothing at All (Personal Choice)

Wow!!! I would have never thought of little Carrie doing this number...but damn!!! She was barely done with the final note before I was on the phone comparing notes! Yeah baby!! I'm at a loss...still have chills...

Man! I Feel Like a Woman!

Shania Twain introduced us to this little number a while back. Shania's hot and can belt it out! Carrie is hot! And she can and did sing the hell out of this song!!! Man!! I started to feel like...ok, I'll just leave it at that!!

My top two, "if I'm being real", is Bo and Carrie. Someone said to me last night that they can see the final two being Bo and Vonzell and that would be ok. Their dream would be Bo and Carrie. Absolutely no way...Carrie and Vonzell. Hope you guys voted correctly and put Bo and Carrie into the finals!!!

Next week is it!!

I'm out...

j.

Quote of the Week

2005-05-14T16:52:00.000-07:00

“I’m over it!! The president can have relations with an intern and stay in office but Paula can’t get frisky with a wannabe and keep her job. C’mon, Corey if you did have relations with Paula be happy its probably the best thing that will ever happen to you. You had no chance of winning American Idol anyway. quit trying to take away from the real talents' limelight. Go Carrie! With your fine self.” --Anonymous

Who's Out - Week 9

2005-05-11T22:35:00.000-07:00

Anthony Federov

Well the fair-haired, blued-eyed boy finally out-stayed his welcome. He'll make a great, great, great something...I'm just not quite sure what. Good luck Anthony!!!

American Idol - Week 9

2005-05-11T08:57:00.000-07:00

What to say about a week where Ryan proferred "...that's what happens when you lose a guy like Scott Savol..." as the reason for all the American Idol controversy this week. The one thing that can be said about Ryan's American Idol performances is that they are consistent. Consistently badly written!! Thankfully his performances aren't the real reason people watch the show. I have a feeling that if they were, people would be doing something Simon said about a past contestant...turning off their TV sets!

And speaking of controversy...I watched Corey Clark last week on the ABC special and have to say that this boy is ignorant!!! Paula, for all her faults (and they are legion), really doesn't deserve to have a quasi-pretty boy whose singing ability is suspect, blast her in an effort to jump start his career. I'm afraid his fifteen minutes of fame have come and gone...and not fast enough. Dumb ass!!!

Having gotten all of that crap out of the way, let's get down to business. This week our co-themes honored the cities of Nashville and Philly. Oddly enough, only one person nailed both of their performances. The other three did brilliantly on one of their performances then sucked on the other. Guess you can't win 'em all.

So here's my review...

Carrie Underwood

Sin Wagon

Ok, so we all know this little hottie was going to nail the country part of the show...and nail it she did!!! She made me want to climb onto that "sin wagon" for a little sinnin'! Once again I found myself wondering why I was groovin to country...then I realized that it's all Carrie!! She's gonna be HUGE in the country world!

If You Don't Know Me By Now

Simon kept it "real" by blaming this blase performance on the band. Whew glad to know it wasn't Carrie's completely lackluster performance that had anything to do with this bomb. Lucky for her, it wasn't bad enough to put her in any jeopardy!!

Bo Bice

It's A Great Day To Be Alive

Yeah, ok...it may in fact be a great day to be alive...but not if you have to listen to that gawd-awful rendition! Bo, you already know this...you are NOT a country star! Nothing more needs to be said. Moving on...

For The Love Of Money

Redemption is a sweet thing!!! I, like Simon, thought The Donald wrote this little ditty. Apparently though, it didn't spring from the streets of NY, but rather Philly! And brother did Bo do Gamble and Huff proud!! When this boy's CD comes out...I'm buyin' it! And I'm gonna be pissed if he doesn't include this number! "Make me do bad things" indeed!!

Vonzell Solomon

How Do I Live?

Someone said this performance was a "mess from beginning to end." I couldn't agree more. Like Simon, I think I'll leave it at that!

Don't Leave Me This Way

Yeah, if you sang everything like you sang this number, you'd find that I would NEVER leave you!! Wow!! After the first performance, I figured Baby V was on her way out the door. I think she just might have saved herself with this performance! "Manic" Simon? Well if manic gets me on my feet then heck yeah!!!

Anthony Federov

I'm Already There

Anthony knows the kinds of songs he is supposed to sing and the songs his fans want him to sing. And this week, he stepped it up. Power ballads, no matter the genre, suit him well. "Good job!" (thanks Paula)

If You Don't Know Me By Now

Good grief...what the hell does Simon know about soul? Ok, maybe a little...but I thought Anthony poured his soul into this one. Randy was right...sounded a little like Simply Red. Another good performance. Is it enough to keep him in the running? Hard to call actually. Apparently he's got a pretty big fan base...so...guess we'll have to wait and see tonight!

And so...that's it! The final four will be pared down tonight. My bet will be that it's between Anthony and Vonzell. But then again, the voters have screwed my predictions before...let's see what happens tonight!!!

With that...I'm out!

j.

Who's Out - Week 8

2005-05-04T21:46:00.000-07:00

Scott Savol

ahhh Scotty...what can I say? I'll tell you what I can say...you got too damn big for yer britches!!! You see, we Americans love to root for the underdog...the average Joe. That's why we kept you around. Then ya let Hollywood get to your head and well, you forgot that we don't like it when people start showin' out. Let that be a lesson to ya big boy!!! We liked ya and we were rootin' (for the most part) for ya...until you got to thinkin' you were invincible. Ya had a good ride...hope you enjoyed it...cuz it's over. Next time you get this lucky (and yeah, while you can sing, luck had a big part to do with how long you stayed around) maybe you'll keep yer trap shut!!!

Happy Birthday Anthony!!

2005-05-04T21:42:00.000-07:00

20th Birthday wishes to Anthony who survived one more week!!!

American Idol - Week 8

2005-05-04T10:09:00.000-07:00

It's been a tough week for American Idol! First we found out that Bo "knows" a bit more about the rocker lifestyle than we wanted to think (who cares...like he's the first rocker to be busted for coke and weed), then we found out that our illustrious judge Paula may have had carnal knowledge of a contestant from a past season...and maybe more (we'll find out tonight on ABC). Whew, I was beginning to wonder if maybe we should just cancel the performances since everyone was obviously going to be distracted by all the goings on.

Our wonderful American Idol producers though decided to help us forget all that crap by giving us what we've always really wanted...MORE MUSIC. YAY!! I like it when they actually do what we are there for...namely sing.

This week showed that Hollywood really can bring out a person's ego! I have a weird feeling that the worst singer will not go home. My hunch, crazy as it may seem, is that we are going to see the end of Scotty the Body as Ryan is so found of calling him. He definitely stepped up his game this week...but what was up with that arrogance that, for the first time, was not exceeded by his weight.

Ok...enough of my rambling...bring on the music...

Anthony Federov - Poison Ivy & Incomplete

Well, poor Anthony, after a couple of good weeks, he lost a little steam. Maybe it was putting the glasses back on or maybe he's just outlived his usefulness to the competition. To be honest, I would have rather sat in a big old patch of poison ivy than through either of these songs. Why, oh why couldn't either of them have been incomplete?? Having said that, I have a feeling he will slip by this week. Oh don't look so shocked...while Scott sang better, his head got bigger than his body and that ain't good!!!

Scott Savol- On Broadway & Everytime You Go Away

And speaking of Scotty the Body...I was giving him mad props after that little first number he did, even with that little dig about Simon...then Ryan asked him what he would be thinking about tomorrow and with a grin, he said: "I'm probably going to start thinking about what I'll sing next week." And with that, his ego only got worse! If you aren't the best singer, it does you NO good to act like you've got it in the bag! He got absolutely zero votes from my house...and that was a first!!!

Vonzell Solomon - Treat Me Nice & When You Tell Me That You Love Me

I would like to start with the positive! For the first time in a long time, little miss Vonzell was not very pitchy. In fact, I thought both her performances were really good. Funny because I usually agree with Simon when it comes to her. I did think it was really odd that she sang the song that the American Idol contestants recently released as a group project. In fact, I'm afraid it took away from the performance somewhat. I don't know...I like her...she's definitely a star...maybe just not THE star.

Bo Bice - Stand By Me & Heaven

WOW! I've been pretty certain up to now that Carrie would be the winner. And that doesn't or hasn't detracted from Bo's amazing ability to connect with the audience. But last night, I actually decided that Bo might win this thing. His performance of Stand By Me produced goosebumps on everyone in my house. Simon was right when he said that Bo's performances made some of the other contestants "look like amateurs!"

Carrie Underwood - Trouble & Bless The Broken Road

So there was Carrie singing "I'm evil, evil as evil as can be!" and I thought, good Lord, if that's evil then sign me up!!! Ok, so Simon thought her performances a bit robotic, and well, I might tend to agree a bit, but good god who cares!!! She's HOT and she can sing!! Paula for once was right when she said that Carrie was a "star!" This little Oklahoma girl might just turn me into a country fan!!!

Tonight I'm more excited too see how much trouble Paula's gotten herself into. I know I'm a little hard on her, but I really do like her and for the contestants it must be nice to feel like you've got someone on your side...especially after all the crap that Simon tends to throw around. Anyway, I wish her luck...she'll probably need it after we all hear the little voice mail she so foolishly left on what's his name's machine.

Don't forget you guys...vote...and vote right dammit!!!

I'm out!!

Who's Out - Week 7

2005-04-28T14:06:00.000-07:00

Constantine Maroulis

Ok so he sucked, sucked, sucked...but after giving us several amazing performances, I really didn't think he was out the door. Apparently though America decided that this wasn't Broadway Idol after all and sent him packing!! And really...it's a good thing!!!

American Idol - Week 7

2005-04-27T08:38:00.000-07:00

So we are down to the final 6...a six-pack so to speak. The theme this week...music since the "millineum"...should have given us lots of music that both showed off the contestants vocal prowess and also allowed we as listeners to sing along...since presumably we all would know the songs. Well, that turned out to be partly true. Most of the songs we knew, but unfortunately most of the performances fizzled. The 6 year old in my house gave thumbs up to two of the performances...the rest were boring enough that he got up and went to bed. I probably should have done the same. It was a boring night that seemed to go on a bit too long...thanks in part to the "biography" pieces.

Maybe my mood is a bit off today, but I just couldn't get too excited about last night. I think I have a good bottom 4...but am harder pressed to come up with a bottom 3. Last week I picked correctly...thankfully...can you imagine what Anwar would have tried to sing...another rendition of the "flying" disaster he gave us a couple of weeks ago...ugh. This week, the "flying disaster" award has to go to Constantine...who sucked so hard I thought the chrome was going to come off of the mic stand. Then again, he wasn't the only one. Well, before I get too up in a lather...

here goes...

Carrie Underwood - When God Fearin' Women Get The Blues

This past week, I saw Paula on a morning TV show raking Carrie over the coals for her consistently "bad" performances. Last night, Paula continued to be completely "off"...poor thing, despite her many protestations, she really, really needs to get off the triple Vs (for those that don't remember...vodka/valium/vicodin). Anyway, Carrie didn't have her best night...but even on her worst nights she pretty much blows away the competition. Can't say I was blown away...but still one of the better performances.

Bo Bice - I Don't Wanna Be

Best performance of the night! Of course, leave it to Paula to latch onto a Randy word..."honest"...in describing Bo. Honest wouldn't be my choice of words...then again, maybe it isn't such a bad word. Bo doesn't change...the teeth, the hair...the gawd-awful selection of clothes. But the biggest thing that doesn't change is his consistent vocal performances!! Yeah, he was right to sing "I don't wanna be anything other than who I am!" Heck, if I had that voice and that stage presence I wouldn't be changin' it either.

Vonzell Solomon - I Turn To You

Yeah well, what to say about a performance that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up and scream for a mercy killing?! Something must not translate in the TV playback. She's a cool chick and she's hot...but Randy lost some of my respect by welcoming her to the "dogg pound" based on that performance. Her vocals can best be described using Simon's words to Paula and Randy..."I have a horrible feeling that that wasn't as good as you think." Boy did he nail that one to the wall!! Horrible was right!

Anthony Federov - I Surrender

Ok Anthony, here's a thought...a cute little blonde haired, blue-eyed boy singing Celine Dion will always leave people with a question in their head. In fact, I was so busy pondering the meaning of that song selection that I failed to hear what you were singing. I wonder if I was the only one? I have a sinking feeling I wasn't. Not that you did a bad job...during play back I realized you did a fairly good job...but not good enough to keep you out of the bottom three. I do think you will probably be safe this week as it wasn't the WORST performance of the night. My fingers were certainly itching although not to pick up the phone and vote...rather, to scratch my head.

Constantine Maroulis - How You Remind Me

Ok, Constantine proved my point...he should ONLY do musical theater. NEVER, EVER, EVER do rock again!! That sucked so back I thought my TV was going to implode. If he hadn't done so well last week, I would be telling him to pack his bags!! Damn, Damn, Damn...just horrid! I wanted to start throwing up...thankfully ALL the judges agreed with me!! All he reminded me of was how much I hated him before!! I won't forget that lesson for a long, long, long time!!

Scott Savol - Dance With My Father

Thank you Simon for verbalizing what we all felt after that performance!! Not as bad as Constantine, but after so many sub-par performances, this one makes him the odds-on favorite to get on the big white plane back to Shaker Heights! I've got to give him props in that he's stayed around MUCH longer that he probably should have...but, as Simon said, "Pack your bags!"

And with that...I'm out!

Who's Out - Week 6

2005-04-21T14:01:00.000-07:00

Anwar Robinson

I'd like to thank all of America who finally got it...or in this case didn't get it! Gone and about damn time!!!