'ey Yo White Girls: Be afraid

I tell you one thing right now,

I ain't pickin Pickler...

The night does not belong to lover...

I don't know who that girl is, but she sucks...

Deep in Stevie Scott's darkness lurks a loser...

The beginning of the end for whatsername...

and as for whatserothername...well, Meh...

The lights went out, not down...DARKNESS for whateverthehellhernameis...

BUT YO, let's here it for the five superpower girls for bringing that a-game from jump street!

Wow!

Mandisa-singing Heart. Wow. Flawless. Abolutely flawless.

Paris Bennet. OMFG. She's 17 years old and rolled her eyes and "woo-woo"'-ed, and rocked that hair flip like she was Gladys Night. We replayed it the most, and that's the sign of a winner.

I don't care what the judges say, Kinnik's older sultry performance wasn't cabaret, it was on the money. Lisa Tucker's "Changing" was outstanding. And Katharine put it down and set the bar for the boys, whom we shall get into in just a second.

My choices for the finals:
Lisa Tucker (looks like Irene Cara crossed with Rae Dawn Chong)
Paris Bennet (Too perky at times, shows her age but on stage she's a Star)
Kinnik Sky (Perhaps too old to win the competition, but the power behind her voice is undeniable)
Mandisa (Wow)
Katharine McPhee (Token white girl, but chick can blow)

Now for the boys:

Chris Daughtrey (Bald guy. Woof. Oh and he can sing his ass off)

Ace Young (Smoldering looks are starting to piss me off. If he's not careful he could turn into that schmuck Constantine. EW.)

Taylor Hicks (Joe Cocker. Love him)

Eliot Yamin (Kinda dorky, Simon said he had the best voice of the guys in all 5 seasons. Love him too)

Kevin Covais (Super dorky, but his Mom balling in the audience made me like him. He's not gonna win, but I can dig it to the finals).

Now I know, it's only 5 and 5 and I should have one more guy and one more girl picked out. I honestly don't like anybody else, so I'm saving those wild card spots for someone to "Wow" me. It's always great when the song choice isn't up to the contestant because it forces them to expand their range (sometimes painfully) and it's those golden moments in Idol that make the show what it is. Watching someone you can't freakin' stand that only sings skinny-little-white girl waif songs being forced to sing some soul ballad from the 60's and nail it...they always look more shocked than everybody else, like "I did that???"

The best part of the show so far isn't the contestants, it's Ryan and the judges. Namely, "Drunk Paula". Three quick points and I'm out:

1) On Tuesday's show, Ryan completely told Simon off asking him for contructive criticism or to at least shut the hell up. He was actually mad. Play it back, you'll see. I had visions of the Grinch who stole XMas when his heart grew 3 times bigger, except it was Ryan growing a sack. Good for him. He actually shut Simon up for a second.

2) Speaking of Simon, absolutely, positively adore him. His barbs are anemic true, but he's the only one who is right a good 90% of the time. He missed the mark with Kinnik and a couple others, but I like his reality check when he shuts down Randy (enough with "DUDE", it's dumb!) and *drumroll* DRUNK PAULA.

3) I'm so glad that Jonathan pointed it out too, because Lamar and I thought we were the only ones to notice it. Paula's WASTED by the end of the show. She starts out fairly coherant, but then her pill kicks in and by halfway through the show her eyes are at half-mast and she's slurring her words. Even drinking Red Wine along with the show, it was hard to keep up with her. About an hour in, some poor stage hand's job of refilling her coke cup with Rum from her special flask shaped like Emilio Esteves' penis is finally over and she's officially unveiled in the second hour as "Drunk Paula". She just yammers now, arms flailing to express a point she's long forgot. She's gone from merely annoying to downright oddity. A curiosity you'll find in the "I love the 00's" VH1 special when D-list celebs recall their fondest memories of drunk Paula. New drinking rule: Every time Paula does "Touchdown" everybody drinks! You have to, it's a rule.

The popularity of the show has started to carve out a niche for the recurring characters. With no disrespect intended, Ryan Seacrest is well on his way to becoming this generations answer to Dick Clark. This is the first season I actually, honestly really like him. Now if he would just come out of the damn closet already. The judges remind me of the gong show times a million. At least they didn't hide the fact that they were trashed. Can't Bacardi pick up some of Coke's slack and co-sponsor Paula's section of the Judges' table? You hear me Mr. Lythgoe? Revenue dollars!

Prof.