Calling Miss Cleo...

Well, it was not the queen's night and no matter that one wasn't ready to "back down" or another has soared because we "loved" her (I'm sure those pics I saw on the internet had absolutely nothing to do with it), the three ladies referenced above are really, really, really skatin' on thin ice. Like Simon, I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just sayin', these chicks don't have the collective vocal abilities of a cat in heat. Perhaps by some weird chance of fate (or your own four M's) you missed last night's performances. If that's the case, then I'll fill ya in ~ Haley (Queen of the Night) ~ Alaina (Not Ready to Make Nice) ~ Antonella (Because You Loved Me) were all outclassed, outsung and just about any other "out" you can think of last night. But, since I don't want you to think I've nothing nice to say, I will say that they all looked beautiful and not one of them needed Simon's oh-so-helpful fashion advice.

Which, was it just me or did he seem to be freely distributing it last night? Seriously y'all, the guy has the fashion sense of Yoda, although from what I hear, he pays a ton of money for that slag he wears. But I digress. Seriously though, he was doling out fashion advice like he was Giorgio Armani or something. And frankly, my girl LaKisha did look like she could use it. Those shoes and that skirt weren't meant for that body. I'm sorry...so sorry...but he's right...she needed somethng that screamed "I'm a star!" and what she wore said "I'm a $5 hooker". And Lord knows, I love the girl so it pains me to say that. Then again, that would be my only complaint about her. Dang...the girl can blow!!! I l.u.v. her (special shout out to granny!)!

Having said that, I realized last night that she's got some serious competition. No, absolutely not from the guys, but from at least three others. I have always had a fondness for Miss Melinda Doolittle (doesn't she remind you of your third grade teacher...the one that, in your third grade mind you thought was SO hot...yeah...I'm bettin' so) and she didn't disappoint ~ no, not in the least. In fact, she blew the roof off the joint. Sadly, my Moxi is still on the fritz and so I was unable to replay over and over ad nauseum (I'm sure the neighbors breathed a collective sigh of relief).

Another serious competitor is Stephanie Edwards. Let's be honest...she's just freakin' HOT. And because I don't think you heard me, really heard me, the first time, I'm gonna repeat myself. She's just freakin' HOT!!! I don't care if she's Beyonce-lite or not. Heck, that might even be a plus. She's had two great weeks and I expect it to keep on a comin! Also in the top tier would have to be Sabrina Sloan, although, I'll admit, I rather had to agree with Simon this week when he said that it wasn't as good as last week's. Of course, he did follow that up with the pronouncement that she is a "great singer!" YAY!

I would be remiss if I failed to mention Gina Glocksen. Whew!! Ok, she sang a song that has more memories for me that just about any other! Ah the joys your first highschool dance, that first kiss (Hi Tracey!) while a faux Heart band screamed out "Alone"! yee-haw!!! It wasn't her best performance, but dang, she beat that faux Heart band from my Sadie Hawkins dance all to heck!! And who could forget Jordin Sparks! I love that chicka, even if she wasn't at her best last night. She's got staying power. Of course that leaves one more that I haven't mentioned. I think her name is Leslie. She's not bad, she's just not memorable. She should probably stay around another week, but not much more.

If I was Miss Cleo, I'd give you my predictions as to which of the three listed at the top were going home. Then again, Miss Cleo has about as my talent as I do when it comes to predicting the future. Hmmmm...maybe we should team up and restart the Psychic Reader's Network. We could call it the Psychic American Idol Network. You know, that's not a bad idea...in fact...let me see if I can't raise ole Cleo right now..."hello, hello, hello..." Dang I hate it when my ESP is on the fritz!

j.

The four M's

I'm at a loss for words! Not because I'm at an actual loss for words, rather because I had too many competing interests last night to really devote myself to the late night video dedications, boy's edition, of American Idol. Now, I'm sure you are asking yourself what could be more important than 10 guys with varying degrees of musical talent flitting across my Sony, 46" widescreen HDTV. So, to help you better understand my loss for words, I'll let you in on some of the aforementioned "competeing interests."

I. Move

A rapidly approaching move. As in my million dollar beachside hovel has sold and the new owners will be gutting it. Demolition starts next week. Problem is that we can't come to agreement over where we'd like to lay our head without missing the sound of crashing waves too awfully much. Last night we toured several more before making our way home. We think we've narrowed it down to 3. Fun stuff!!!

II. Moxi

We recently upgraded our home entertainment system with our digital cable provider to Moxi. It's cool! When it works! Except last night, it was on the fritz.

III. Martin Luther King, Jr.

3rd grade homework review with the kid including, but certainly not limited to (by any stretch of the imagination...geez, when did 3rd grade require 5 hours of homework), a Black History Month lesson about Dr. King.

IV. Merlot

My wonderful neighbor Rosie brought over a delectable glass of wine over which we discussed house hunting and other fun neighborhood gossip (apparently someone failed to make their mortgage payments and foreclosure is emminent).

Now, anyone of those things would not take me away from something that is sometimes my passion. But combined, they provided a powerful 1-2-3-4 punch that nearly kept me from what is truly important - long distance video dedications.

Actually, I'm kind of glad I didn't have to sit through those sappy, crappy things. Who cares?!! Seriously! The ones I did see made me feel a bit like I felt the day my dog committed suicide (no lie...she did...but that's a whole 'nuther Rosie). You know the feeling...that tingle in the back of your throat that gives you that feeling like you might, just maybe might, upchuck your dinner.

I did actually get to view a couple of the performances and surprise, surprise, I've got a comment or two. Sanjaya doesn't suck...he's just WAY WAY out of his element!!! I don't care that a whole bunch of people think he's cute. I don't care that all the gay bois think he's the bestest thing since the disco ball! He just doesn't belong...period! I'd pick him to go home, but my one pick from the guys last week is still here...so...phooey on the picks!

I don't like Phil Stacey...something about him just rubs me the wrong way. I wouldn't miss him at all if he were dumped this week. I did get to hear 3 seconds of AJ...and I like him! Who else did I see worth mentioning...oh duh...my boy, actually my boys. Blake and Chris!!! The rest pale in comparison.

Well, that's my wrap. If you wanna call it that. I'm hopeful that tonight I'll actually get to watch the girls...cuz let's get real, that's where my passion is. At least this season!

j.