The Quil

There is an old adage that says the "pen is mightier than the sword." This wise old saying came to me this morning as I downed another dose of medicine designed to temporarily relieve the cold and flu symptoms I've been suffering from for the past too many days. If then the pen truly is mightier than the sword, then I'm betting that perhaps the quil (you know, nyquil ~ dayquil) is mightier than the cold/flu I've been suffering from for what seems like an eternity by now. You are probably wondering what the quil has to do with American Idol and this here little blog. Well, I'm glad you asked...'cuz for the life of me I can't figure it out either.

Last night, Gwen Stefani of No Doubt and solo fame, deigned to give our top 10 her some sage words. Having followed Gwen for some time now, I rather expected her to show up looking like the fashionista that she is and be every bit as outrageous as we all know she can be. Instead, she looked like she was auditioning for the TV spinoff of The Stepford Wives and quite honestly was as boring as the stuffed French Poodle my great-grandmother kept next to her fireplace. Of course, it could have just been the fact that I was watching through quill-colored glasses.

I'm going to give props to at least one person who I regularly don't like. That would be the creepy, spaced-alien guy, Phil. The one who looks like he needs to go visit the good MD's over at the Hairclub for Men. The one who looks like his eyes are going to pop out at any given second and who recently has been sporting some of the most perfectly manscaped brows I've ever seen (even better than mine). Both DJ Nik and I commented that if we closed our eyes, he was actually pretty dang good. Of course, it kind of sucks to have to close your eyes to watch someone perform. hmmmm...again, maybe it was the quil.

I'm guessing by now that you'd like my to quit this quil-laced diatribe and actually talk about what it is we are actually here to talk about. Namely the dead animal that Paula and Sanjaya were sporting last night...oh, and what cruise ship Haley fell off of.

LaKisha Jones
Last Dance

Who would have known that good ole' Gwen was a Donna Summers fan. Who else but the American Idol producers who needed some vehicle to allow the amazing voice of Kiki to shine forth (knowing, they did, that No Doubt didn't really have anything suitable in their rep). And shine she did. We all love her! She's amazing! But, to borrow from the advice that Simon gave my boy Blake, Kiki needs to break out of those big Diva songs and show us a different side of herself...otherwise we run the risk of getting...well...bored. And that would suck 'cuz we all know this girl is GOOD!!!

Chris Sligh
Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic

Ummmm...something was off, off, off during that entire performance. Nice voice, but he ain't got any rythm and that could prove to be his undoing. Frankly, if I was him, I'd be scared to death. Awfully close to the front, way off performance that was ultimately boring. Nothing magic about this one.

Gina Glocksen
I'll Stand By You

Woo Woo!! Let me first just say that the dress was just down right wrong!! I mean what the heck was that? Boots were kickin though! Performance was stellar!! As Simon said, not just one of her best...her best!!! YAY!

Sanjaya Malakar
Bathwater

I would love to talk about his performance (one of his better ones I think) but frankly I was so distracted by that hair that I don't really remember the performance at all. Perhaps that was the idea. Having laid in bed this morning and watched all the morning talk shows, I can tell you that every-dang-body is talking about the hair. Well, if ya can't sing...ya might as well blow 'em away with your hair!

Haley Scarnato
True Colors

There's a cruise ship out there calling this chick's name. Paula came right out and called her performance "adult contemporary" and couldn't have been closer to dead on. I mean how the heck do you turn one of my favorite songs into something you'd hear in an elevator? Good Lord, Englebert Humperdink wouldn't have the balls to redo this song. Haley...I've got the number to the cruise Director for Celebrity Cruise ships...they'd like you to audition...please give me a holler!

Phil Stacey
Every Breath You Take

I can't take breaths right now...at least normal ones. The quil has to provide assistance and even that ain't all that great. Which is why, I was a little bit annoyed when I saw that creepy guy was going to sing this song (if this doesn't make sense, blame the quil). I mean get real, he butchers just about every song he sings and I expected this to be no exception thereby completely ruining what little breath I had left. Well, once DJ Nik and I closed our eyes, we enjoyed his performance...a lot!! Which is just sad! And that ain't the quil talkin' at all!

Melinda Doolittle
Heaven Knows

Hmmmm...I could probably just copy what I wrote for Kiki! The performance was flawless but, unlike Simon, I actually liked her outfit...and the fact that she hugged herself. Made me feel kinda funny...I think (this damn quil has me so confused!).

Blake Lewis
Love Song

My boy was amazing last night...in a boring kind of way. Which makes me wonder a little bit about Paula...she got a little moist during that performance did she not?! Just how boring you think she is behind the dressing room door...hmmmm...

Jordin Sparks
Hey Baby

She never did learn how to pop her booty like Gwen, but she did a pretty dang good job of blowing the performance right off the stage and them boots were pretty dang sexy!!! She truly is getting better and better every week.

Chris Richardson
Don't Speak

I like this guy so much. And yes foxy coxy, I've liked him for a long time, contrary to your assertion last night. Started off a little rocky (for me) but really closed out strong...strong enough that I'm bettin' he'll be safe!

Given the way that the voting has gone for the past several weeks, it's hard for me to make a prediction. However, being the betting man that I am, I think I'm gonna go with Cruise Ship Chick or the "ain't got no rythm" guy. Any takers?

Well, I'm headin' back to my quil-induced coma. Dusty...this one's for you!

j.