Introducing ~foxy coxy~

It is with a great deal of pleasure that we announce the addition of ~foxy coxy~ as the newest contributor to Idol Chatter. ~foxy coxy~ has been a faithful viewer of American Idol since the show first debuted. Much like Paula Abdul, ~foxy coxy~ has been enjoying her vodka/DCs while listening to some really, um, interesting musical interpretations given by some talented and host of untalented "artists."

~foxy coxy~ has become so enamoured with several of the previous contestants that she has voted over 100 times in one evening (ahhh the advantages of not having to share a phone with a 7 year old). I've often had the pleasure of speaking with a decidedly inebriated ~foxy coxy~ giving me her opinion on song selection, hair styles, butt tightness and a host of other hilarious categories...then telling me who to vote for and how often.

For the, it is extremely exciting to welcome ~foxy coxy~ along with the Professor (Snoutch that is) to Idol Chatter! Look forward to their witty, urbane and completely over-the-top assessments of each week's festivities!

j.

It's the little tweaks here and there

Editor's note - I'm writing this from Muddy's-typical S.F. Coffee shop. I figured I'd come here to get some visceral interaction instead of waiting for my phone to ring. As I sat here, coffeed and bageled, 2 uber-Moms strolled in with Marin ball caps and attitudes. In their charge, a one, a two and a three year old. All vying for each Mom's attention from the moment they walked in the door to the split second that I write this. One Mom went to get the coffee while the other PARKED HER STROLLERS AND OSHGOSHBGOSHES in the nearly empty, fairly small shop. Of course, she chose the table NEXT TO ME. No dirty look could dissuade, no harrumph, no cluck of the tongue to grab her attention that perhaps she should go to a more empty part of the house, like oh, I don't know, in the opposite corner from MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, perhaps? Now thank GOD for iTunes, headphones, and a scenic view of Valencia. Let's hear it for the blues channel (strangely appropriate). Now on with the show: Professor Snoutch here with my spin on the Premier episodes - Has everyone discovered all of the little differences from previous seasons? The good - The new seating arrangement. Don't know why I like it better, 'cept perhaps for the same reason that I simply must rearrange my livingroom every 6 months (or move to a new City...whichever). Ryan Seacrest. Hate him. Well, want to hate him, but dammit, he made me laugh like twice while he made fun of clueless contestants. Watch his facial expressions next time he's letting one of the sucky ones go off...it takes him everything in his power to not crack up. The idget 18-year-old Cowpoke from a town of 4 that ropes cattle and sings in Church. LOVE HIM. LA's going to eat him alive...can't wait to see him on the cover of The Advocate in 6 months... The Bad - PaulaPaulaPaula. She's so much funnier when she's hopped up on goof balls. Sober in the beginning of each show, her feigning enjoyment until the sweet release of pain-killers and Bourbon hit about 20 minutes in. I have to admit, her incessant need to be positive instead of JUST FUCKING SAYING "NO" makes me want to pull an Elvis. But after what I paid for that T.V., I'd rather have an egg McMuffin. Simon's comments when he really, really hates someone. Dude, hire a writer! You can go off, that's expected, but sometimes (read: nearly all) his rude jibes are anemic and sad. He needs "The big book of English Zingers". Oh! Writing project! Let me try one (you do it too!): "You know how you could've performed that better don't you? With a modicum of talent." "Perhaps you should use other orafices for that performance, say with your armpit or simply blow it out of your arse?" The Ugly - Who's picking out Randy's shirts? Does he know he's on National Television? Stopping the Statue of Liberty guy...I would've felt sorry for him if it wasn't so funny The Paris Hilton ghetto knock-off and her Leona Helmsly tramped-up Mother. In short, they are what's wrong with American Society. Until next week, this is Professor Snoutch signing off...Hockenoga!

Potential Scandal Alert!

On Tuesday night the 7 year old in my house crowned the Brittenum twins (Terrell and Derrell), aged 28, the winners. Frankly I thought they were pretty good myself. Apparently they aren't that good. According to published reports the twins are in a bit of a legal mess that may preclude them from accepting the invite to Hollywood.

According to reports, the twins used someone else's identity to buy (I use that word so lightly) a 2005 Dodge Magnum. Unfortunately using someone else's identity is a crime and as such, one twin currently sits in jail (since January 10th) and the other is expected to turn himself in.

Idol, following a long tradition of staying mum until absolutely the last minute, has no comment. Honestly, this little bit of info has already gotten my juices flowing. How scandal-ridden will this season be? It's way to early in the season for this to be the main scandal (you know, the goods ones truly don't break until the final 12...ala Frenchie, Bo Bice, et al). We promise to keep you updated!!

j.

Introducing the Professor!

It is my great pleasure to introduce the Professor as a regular contributor to Idol Chatter. Having spent the past four seasons watching American Idol with this most esteemed observer of the tiniest of details, I have gained understanding and new insight into this show that has captured the fantasy of America. On many a night, as the Professor has regaled us with his observations over an adult beverage (or 7), I have found myself having to pick up the dry cleaning tab for those sitting around me (vodka through the nose ain't that pretty ya'll). Idol Chatter started several years ago as a weekly e-mail to a few friends of my observations of the nightly show American Idol. As more and more people indicated their interest, the operation grew and eventually garnered it's own blogsite. This year, in an effort to take Idol Chatter to a new level, several of us got together to form our own "judging panel". I jumped at the idea when Professor mentioned this to me because frankly, if he doesn't have you peeing your pants after reading his highlights...then your pee'er is broken! Please join me in giving a warm welcome to Professor Snoutch...all the way from San Francisco! Here's to Season Five...the most amazing season yet! j.

"We Have A Winner!"

So said the 7 year old in my house! Actually, he thought we had two winners! That would be the first set of twins. For the life of me, I can't remember their names...but, not to worry, we will be seeing them in Hollywood. Other descriptions included "sucky" and "oh my god, what was she thinking!"

Perhaps I now realize what was meant by "nastier" after hearing Simon last night. He was on a tare...but not only him. So was Paula! While Simon definately put words in her mouth with the "rat" comment...she still was a little more edgy in her comments (remember "absolutely not!"). There was one moment where we stopped the show and hit rewind. That was when Simon made a little comment after the one-named wonder left the audition room (with yellow ticket in hand). Simon said "she got what she wanted, perhaps we'll need a bigger stage!" Poor thing...she really wasn't that big!

A couple of my favorites from Chicago - tan girl - the idiot who kicked the show off - the idiot who showed up as lady liberty (probably could sing...but the outfit...dang, this isn't clown idol). Unfortunately we were treated too much of idiot number 1 (why continue to put all of us through our misery). I did enjoy the girl who used some inappropriate language in her actual audition, then really went off. I wanted to be shocked, but as one person said in my house "ain't nothing they haven't heard before!" So true!

Tonight we will be treated to another hour (second part of the season premier). Don't forget to watch Skating with Celebrities immdiately following Idol (also on Fox). My favorite morning personality, weather/fashion girl will be featured...give it up for Jillian Barberie.

j.

Season Premiere!

I feel like the guy who sings the Monday Night Football Anthem...except in place of "football", I'm singing..."Are you ready for some Idol?" Ok...it doesn't have the same ring, but what it lacks in flowability (is that a word), it gains in excitement. It's palatable!! All the talking heads are saying that this will be the nastiest season to date. Well, I hope not! Because really, AI isn't really about nasty (Simon's acerbic remarks not withstanding)...it's about good quality music (oh, and some really shitty music in the meantime). On the AI website we are told that "The excitement is building!" Well, duh! We've been waiting for what seems like entirely too long. In the meantime I've gotten hooked on Project Runway and a host of other good shows. Geez, what's a boy to do? Obviously invest in TIVO. As millions and millions of TV sets tonight tune in to hear the next great William Hung (because let's be real honest here...that's what we will be treated to for the next few weeks), we will hopefully also catch a glimpse of who will be in the final 12 (or 16 or whatever number will be landed on this year). And even though I really can't stand some of the gimmicky crap that goes on with Idol, I will be watching. In fact, I was told by my better half, that this year there will be no falling asleep at the beginning of the season (happened last year and continued through the entire season...sucks having to make catty comments to yourself). Translated, that means that my entire household will be watching and making catty comments about the performances each week. And, if that's not not enough enticement to watch tonight, then getting to watch Simon storm out on Paula and Randy, really should be! Don't forget to turn your TV or whatever device you have available to Fox tonight (I'll be watching in true surround-sound, high definition) to the much-anticipated fifth season premiere tonight and tomorrow at 8/7c. j.