It's the little tweaks here and there

Editor's note - I'm writing this from Muddy's-typical S.F. Coffee shop. I figured I'd come here to get some visceral interaction instead of waiting for my phone to ring. As I sat here, coffeed and bageled, 2 uber-Moms strolled in with Marin ball caps and attitudes. In their charge, a one, a two and a three year old. All vying for each Mom's attention from the moment they walked in the door to the split second that I write this. One Mom went to get the coffee while the other PARKED HER STROLLERS AND OSHGOSHBGOSHES in the nearly empty, fairly small shop. Of course, she chose the table NEXT TO ME. No dirty look could dissuade, no harrumph, no cluck of the tongue to grab her attention that perhaps she should go to a more empty part of the house, like oh, I don't know, in the opposite corner from MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, perhaps? Now thank GOD for iTunes, headphones, and a scenic view of Valencia. Let's hear it for the blues channel (strangely appropriate). Now on with the show: Professor Snoutch here with my spin on the Premier episodes - Has everyone discovered all of the little differences from previous seasons? The good - The new seating arrangement. Don't know why I like it better, 'cept perhaps for the same reason that I simply must rearrange my livingroom every 6 months (or move to a new City...whichever). Ryan Seacrest. Hate him. Well, want to hate him, but dammit, he made me laugh like twice while he made fun of clueless contestants. Watch his facial expressions next time he's letting one of the sucky ones go off...it takes him everything in his power to not crack up. The idget 18-year-old Cowpoke from a town of 4 that ropes cattle and sings in Church. LOVE HIM. LA's going to eat him alive...can't wait to see him on the cover of The Advocate in 6 months... The Bad - PaulaPaulaPaula. She's so much funnier when she's hopped up on goof balls. Sober in the beginning of each show, her feigning enjoyment until the sweet release of pain-killers and Bourbon hit about 20 minutes in. I have to admit, her incessant need to be positive instead of JUST FUCKING SAYING "NO" makes me want to pull an Elvis. But after what I paid for that T.V., I'd rather have an egg McMuffin. Simon's comments when he really, really hates someone. Dude, hire a writer! You can go off, that's expected, but sometimes (read: nearly all) his rude jibes are anemic and sad. He needs "The big book of English Zingers". Oh! Writing project! Let me try one (you do it too!): "You know how you could've performed that better don't you? With a modicum of talent." "Perhaps you should use other orafices for that performance, say with your armpit or simply blow it out of your arse?" The Ugly - Who's picking out Randy's shirts? Does he know he's on National Television? Stopping the Statue of Liberty guy...I would've felt sorry for him if it wasn't so funny The Paris Hilton ghetto knock-off and her Leona Helmsly tramped-up Mother. In short, they are what's wrong with American Society. Until next week, this is Professor Snoutch signing off...Hockenoga!