Wake me up...

I have tried all day to come up with something witty and urbane regarding boys night on Idol. Surely twelve strapping, virile, young guys with angelic voices would have my house in a positive uproar. Alas, I was bored and at times quite disgusted with the whole shebang. At one point it got so bad I wished for that gawd-awful Ace from last season to come on and at least smolder at me for a minute. I thought that maybe a little weed might make the night more interesting, but all it did was give me the giggles and then the munchies and then the...well, hell, you've smoked before, you know how it works.

Anyhoo...American Idol somehow has moved away from the joy that captured us that first season. Now we have Ryan thinking he's a judge (please just shut him the hell up!). I mean come one y'all, do you really believe that Ryan and Simon have such an adversarial relationship? You do?! Shows how much you know! It doesn't take long to come across pictures of them hanging in Malibu or the Hollywood Hills. Heck, I've been on the patio at Moonshadows when they walked right past my table. Clearly their friendship is not how the producers make it out to be. But why feed us this line of horse dung? To boost ratings? Hell, they've got the highest ratings of any show since the rapture (assuming TV had been invented 2,000 years ago). Frankly, these little scripted fights between Ryan and the judges produces the biggest cringes from me and I'd dare say from just about everyone else who watches the show. Enough already!

By the way, since there really wasn't much going on vocally last night, I did catch a few other things that might be considered noteworthy. (1) Ryan has waxy looking feet; (2) Paula was trying to pawn off a dead animal from the 80s as her own hair; (3) Randy was still reeling from what must have been a "rock-star" weekend; and (4) hell...I can't think of a 4...

But what about the actual contestants you must be asking. Well, I could do a reprisal of that bunch of warbling last night but frankly you don't want me to...you know you don't. I mean, do you even remember the name of the guy who sang first (and don't cheat)? No...you don't. You probably don't remember the name of the guy who sang second...although he wasn't too horrible (and kind of cute). We do know that the guy who actually illicited a title of one of my columns was a one dribble wonder. He may have given great head during his audition but the sun no longer dances for him. Look to see him packing Thursday night.

Who did I like? Well, frankly the beat boxer Blake surprised the hell out of me. I read all the pundits yesterday who said he was nothing more than a gimmick. Bull!!! He did that Keane song proud...ok, so I didn't really like his falsetto...but damn!!! I also liked the guy who reminds everyone of Justin T a little bit. Do I remember his name? No...but I'm not real worried about that as I think he'll be back.

I don't know how many we'll loose this go around...but if it were up to me, I'd send 6 of them home right now. Tonight we'll sit through the girls. If they sing like the guys, our only hope will be that they dress like the transvestite hookers plying the street corners in and around Hollywood on any given night. Otherwise the show tonight will be a complete and utter washout.

And so, I end this little diatribe praying to Buddah and all the other gods/goddesses out there that changes happen and happen quickly because otherwise I'm gonna be outta a job (hahaha...yeah...like I get paid for this...rich ain't it). I leave you with a little youTube I came across of Blake Lewis performing live at the Columbia City Theater. Tried to find his performance from last night...but alas...it had been pulled...something about terms of agreement violations. Anyway...last night he came out swinging and I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't lay some more smackdown on us during the rest of the season!